hi
im 37 years old, I met Denise 47 my now wife 5 years ago on a dating website, we hit it off quickly having lots in common and soon started regular dating. we fell in love and everything was going great.
we both had 2 children each from previous relationships, my 2 being 7 & 8 and her 2 being 16 & 17. I met her children within the 1st week of meeting her, but I thought as my 2 were that little bit younger I would wait until I knew we were serious.
after about 2 months I arranged a family bbq and although I had been telling my children about denise , this was going to be the first time they would meet. everything went well a big success or so I thought.
i thought that now we all new each other we could all start to do things together, I had a good relationship with her 2 children, and hoped she would do the same with my 2.
my children being that much younger, when I had them come to stay with me at weekends they needed entertaining, going over the park, movies, playing on bikes in the street, going to the beech etc. I would ask denise what her plans were for the weekend and if she would like to join us, even inviting her 2 children, but them being that bit older had plans of there own, I would always be met with the response of no thanks, you 3 go off and have a nice time, she would have ironing to do or cleaning.
I work shift work 4 on 4 off I even offered to do her chores for her, but always no.
the weekends I had my children were always the same, I wouldn't see her from Friday to sunday when I dropped them back to there mum. I thought this to be weird and I would get upset about it. she would try and reassure me there wasn't a problem and it was just the fact that she worked mon-fri long hours and the only chance she had to do anything for herself was at the weekend, her children were older and off hand so to speak, she even said once that she is 10 years older than me she thought she would meet someone whos children were off hand too and at weekends they could do stuff together, but you met me I would say and I didn't keep my children a secret from you or there ages.
when we were alone together things were great and we had both fallen in love, I would bring her gifts, and the days I was off from work I would go to her house and cook and clean for her, so we would have more time when she came home from work together, i even took her away for weekends, one weekend I took her to a cottage in the country and I proposed to her which she excepted and she was very happy, we were both happy. in the background was the issue of her not wanting to spend time with my children, she had been there and done that with her two, but was understanding that I had to be there for my two, still very weird all the same.
now we were engaged to be married it seemed the right thing to do to buy a house together, big enough for all 6 of us. although we new it wasn't going to be the brady bunch I would get to see her everyday and at weekends the kids would be there and maybe she could start getting closer to my children.
I think this frightened her to death, she had lived on her own with her kids for about 4 years and quite liked the idea of having her own little house, I even remember saying we cant be married and live in separate houses in separate towns.
I think she was so scared of living with us she slowed things down in the relationship. we then started to argue, I was upset because it felt like it was because of my two children (which it is) because in the week i would stay with her and her two kids, but at weekends i was a single dad. with this i gave her a choice. she chose to stay the way it had been and not to get married, so we split up.
after 11 weeks of separation, not hearing anything from her i relented and sent her a message saying i missed her, she felt the same way and had time to think and although she was scared she wanted to buy a house and get married.
we got married a year later in Italy, a beautiful wedding and moved in to a lovely family home. in the same year i got made redundant and lost my brother to cancer, tough times but we got through it. i took any work that came my way, working 2-3 jobs just to earn anywhere near what i was getting at my previous job, but we got through it.
we had always fallen out like most couples do from time to time about the everyday things couples fall out over, money, work, lack of sex in the relationship, but instead of arguing we would just ignore each other for a day or two, and then i would say look this is stupid lets talk, whether i felt i was right or wrong i
would always go to her, she would never say she was wrong if she was, she would just say we have a difference of opinion, lets draw a line under it and move on. i think this is called papering over the cracks, because we would never resolve anything.
after all this time and still to this day of living together with my children visiting at weekends, now 12 & 13 she still doesn't have a relationship with them, she says hello on Friday evening and goodbye on sunday night, maybe the odd hi in between if they bump into each other in the kitchen or hallway.
she asked me if it would be possible if i could maybe not have them one weekend and we could spend quality time as husband and wife. i was a bit put out by this as i love my kids and want and look forward to seeing them, but i relented as i could see her point. so once a month i would not have my children and we would do stuff together, but all the time my step children were still about that weekend and she would still be running them about arranging shopping trips with her daughter, i had to say something, id given up my 2 so we could spend quality time together, she couldn't see my problem!!.
i said now we are having one weekend our time she should come out with me and my children on another weekend, but i get the same answer, shes been there and done it, its not her thing to be over the park, or bowling or cinema. so after 5 years she still has no relationship with my kids, and of a weekend although married i feel like a single dad.
2 weeks ago we fell out and haven't spoke, my kids mum has bought a caravan on a holiday park to take kids during the holidays so there not bored, although i wasn't going to see them through the summer i thought im working any way id rather them be happy and enjoying themselves. my son who is 13 1/2 now didn't want to go, he wanted to spend the summer with his friends kicking a ball around and having adventures, i could see his point so i said he could stay with us, i couldn't see the problem. when i told my wife she hit the roof," he cant stay here, we have to work" i work 2 day shifts 2 night shift 4 days off, so he would only be on his own for 2 days, i believe him to be sensible enough to do this and on my 2 night shifts my wife would be home, but she refuses to look after him because she disagrees with him being on his own during the days. she said i should make him go.
the situation is not ideal, but i trust him to be on his own hes a good kid, and ive informed my work and they said any problems i could rush off, but shes still very angry, because i never thought about her feelings and if my son is there for 6 weeks we wont get any time together.
our relationship to me is very one-sided, im very easy going and give in to my wife on almost everything from the pink sofa we have to meals we eat, i do say no to her but end up backing down to save the silent treatment, and like most men an easy life.
since living together i have slept more on the settee than i have in the bed, an then i give in to her and apologise even if its not my fault. i also would like to add she has never once said to me she loves me only i love you too in a reply, never on a wim bought me a gift, never says thank you for anything i do for her or her children, never shows her feelings for me. i feel like im at the bottom of her priorities after her work, her children, family and friends even the cat sometimes.
she told me she had a half day from work she had earned for some over time she had done, so i suggested she maybe i could meet her one afternoon and take her for lunch, but she was to busy with work on that particular day, 2 days later she took it with a work friend and went for a manicure e and lunch with her.
im just at my wits end, i don't feel loved, i feel on my own i sleep on the settee. i don't know what to do, ive tried talking to her but it falls on death ears or i get an angry response.
im not going to give in this time and go to her, if she wants me she knows where i am. it just feels like such a waste, i never got married to get divorced but im lost. fighting a losing battle. i feel alone i might as well be on my own.
i have 2 weeks annual leave coming up next week, i will use this time to get a few jobs done around the house, and if she hasn't come to me by this time, which i don't think she will at least the house will look good for the for sale pictures.
im 37 years old, I met Denise 47 my now wife 5 years ago on a dating website, we hit it off quickly having lots in common and soon started regular dating. we fell in love and everything was going great.
we both had 2 children each from previous relationships, my 2 being 7 & 8 and her 2 being 16 & 17. I met her children within the 1st week of meeting her, but I thought as my 2 were that little bit younger I would wait until I knew we were serious.
after about 2 months I arranged a family bbq and although I had been telling my children about denise , this was going to be the first time they would meet. everything went well a big success or so I thought.
i thought that now we all new each other we could all start to do things together, I had a good relationship with her 2 children, and hoped she would do the same with my 2.
my children being that much younger, when I had them come to stay with me at weekends they needed entertaining, going over the park, movies, playing on bikes in the street, going to the beech etc. I would ask denise what her plans were for the weekend and if she would like to join us, even inviting her 2 children, but them being that bit older had plans of there own, I would always be met with the response of no thanks, you 3 go off and have a nice time, she would have ironing to do or cleaning.
I work shift work 4 on 4 off I even offered to do her chores for her, but always no.
the weekends I had my children were always the same, I wouldn't see her from Friday to sunday when I dropped them back to there mum. I thought this to be weird and I would get upset about it. she would try and reassure me there wasn't a problem and it was just the fact that she worked mon-fri long hours and the only chance she had to do anything for herself was at the weekend, her children were older and off hand so to speak, she even said once that she is 10 years older than me she thought she would meet someone whos children were off hand too and at weekends they could do stuff together, but you met me I would say and I didn't keep my children a secret from you or there ages.
when we were alone together things were great and we had both fallen in love, I would bring her gifts, and the days I was off from work I would go to her house and cook and clean for her, so we would have more time when she came home from work together, i even took her away for weekends, one weekend I took her to a cottage in the country and I proposed to her which she excepted and she was very happy, we were both happy. in the background was the issue of her not wanting to spend time with my children, she had been there and done that with her two, but was understanding that I had to be there for my two, still very weird all the same.
now we were engaged to be married it seemed the right thing to do to buy a house together, big enough for all 6 of us. although we new it wasn't going to be the brady bunch I would get to see her everyday and at weekends the kids would be there and maybe she could start getting closer to my children.
I think this frightened her to death, she had lived on her own with her kids for about 4 years and quite liked the idea of having her own little house, I even remember saying we cant be married and live in separate houses in separate towns.
I think she was so scared of living with us she slowed things down in the relationship. we then started to argue, I was upset because it felt like it was because of my two children (which it is) because in the week i would stay with her and her two kids, but at weekends i was a single dad. with this i gave her a choice. she chose to stay the way it had been and not to get married, so we split up.
after 11 weeks of separation, not hearing anything from her i relented and sent her a message saying i missed her, she felt the same way and had time to think and although she was scared she wanted to buy a house and get married.
we got married a year later in Italy, a beautiful wedding and moved in to a lovely family home. in the same year i got made redundant and lost my brother to cancer, tough times but we got through it. i took any work that came my way, working 2-3 jobs just to earn anywhere near what i was getting at my previous job, but we got through it.
we had always fallen out like most couples do from time to time about the everyday things couples fall out over, money, work, lack of sex in the relationship, but instead of arguing we would just ignore each other for a day or two, and then i would say look this is stupid lets talk, whether i felt i was right or wrong i
would always go to her, she would never say she was wrong if she was, she would just say we have a difference of opinion, lets draw a line under it and move on. i think this is called papering over the cracks, because we would never resolve anything.
after all this time and still to this day of living together with my children visiting at weekends, now 12 & 13 she still doesn't have a relationship with them, she says hello on Friday evening and goodbye on sunday night, maybe the odd hi in between if they bump into each other in the kitchen or hallway.
she asked me if it would be possible if i could maybe not have them one weekend and we could spend quality time as husband and wife. i was a bit put out by this as i love my kids and want and look forward to seeing them, but i relented as i could see her point. so once a month i would not have my children and we would do stuff together, but all the time my step children were still about that weekend and she would still be running them about arranging shopping trips with her daughter, i had to say something, id given up my 2 so we could spend quality time together, she couldn't see my problem!!.
i said now we are having one weekend our time she should come out with me and my children on another weekend, but i get the same answer, shes been there and done it, its not her thing to be over the park, or bowling or cinema. so after 5 years she still has no relationship with my kids, and of a weekend although married i feel like a single dad.
2 weeks ago we fell out and haven't spoke, my kids mum has bought a caravan on a holiday park to take kids during the holidays so there not bored, although i wasn't going to see them through the summer i thought im working any way id rather them be happy and enjoying themselves. my son who is 13 1/2 now didn't want to go, he wanted to spend the summer with his friends kicking a ball around and having adventures, i could see his point so i said he could stay with us, i couldn't see the problem. when i told my wife she hit the roof," he cant stay here, we have to work" i work 2 day shifts 2 night shift 4 days off, so he would only be on his own for 2 days, i believe him to be sensible enough to do this and on my 2 night shifts my wife would be home, but she refuses to look after him because she disagrees with him being on his own during the days. she said i should make him go.
the situation is not ideal, but i trust him to be on his own hes a good kid, and ive informed my work and they said any problems i could rush off, but shes still very angry, because i never thought about her feelings and if my son is there for 6 weeks we wont get any time together.
our relationship to me is very one-sided, im very easy going and give in to my wife on almost everything from the pink sofa we have to meals we eat, i do say no to her but end up backing down to save the silent treatment, and like most men an easy life.
since living together i have slept more on the settee than i have in the bed, an then i give in to her and apologise even if its not my fault. i also would like to add she has never once said to me she loves me only i love you too in a reply, never on a wim bought me a gift, never says thank you for anything i do for her or her children, never shows her feelings for me. i feel like im at the bottom of her priorities after her work, her children, family and friends even the cat sometimes.
she told me she had a half day from work she had earned for some over time she had done, so i suggested she maybe i could meet her one afternoon and take her for lunch, but she was to busy with work on that particular day, 2 days later she took it with a work friend and went for a manicure e and lunch with her.
im just at my wits end, i don't feel loved, i feel on my own i sleep on the settee. i don't know what to do, ive tried talking to her but it falls on death ears or i get an angry response.
im not going to give in this time and go to her, if she wants me she knows where i am. it just feels like such a waste, i never got married to get divorced but im lost. fighting a losing battle. i feel alone i might as well be on my own.
i have 2 weeks annual leave coming up next week, i will use this time to get a few jobs done around the house, and if she hasn't come to me by this time, which i don't think she will at least the house will look good for the for sale pictures.
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