I am 54 years old, I have been married for 5 years. I was widowed before this marriage.
I had to quit my job in October 2013 and apply for disability because of arthritis in my feet. I have been medically approved but not finalized and don't really know if I will get much if any yet.
I found out a month ago that my husband was texting a 38 year old woman who is the ex of a man he works with. In February my husband was off work on medical leave after hernia surgery. While he was in the shower his work phone rang so I answered it for him and noticed a message in drafts. I looked at the message and it was to a strange phone number and said Lunch time sexy.
I asked him who's number it was and he said he didn't know.I went online and did some searching and found her.
He said they were "just friends" and nothing else. I called her and told her I was his sister and asked if she had heard from him. She kept saying no we are just friends and I am driving can you call me. So I did. She kept saying they were just friends, nothing more (why tell his sister that?).
I texted her later and told her I am his wife and that I know what kind of friends they are. She sent back 7 texts denying any relationship between them and threatened to charge me with harassment if I didn't stop texting then blocked my number.
I asked him what was going on, told him I would find out anyway and that he should tell me. He kept saying we are just friends and just talking.
A week later she started sending me texts that he had sent her. The first one was a silly little love poem he had written and texted to me also. That broke my heart but I knew she wasn't lying. He was telling her he loves her, calling her sweet and pretty and sexy, and saying he wants to be a part of her life and that in March he is coming to her.
I kicked him out for a week then let him come back as a room mate type situation because he didn't have a place to go and I didn't have any income. We started going to marriage counseling and he started taking antidepressants. He had a horrible childhood , abusive parents and siblings and the counselor says he has a lot of shame and it makes him "not in his right mind" and causes him to do things to make him feel better about himself.
I don't know what to do. Right now I don't feel any love for him but that may change. He is trying to prove to me that he won't do it again, but how do you prove something like that. He has a history of failed marriages, phone sex, swinging, just not the type of person I want to be with. I didn't know most of this stuff until after we were married and he said he wanted to change and not be that person anymore.
What would you do? How will I ever trust him again? And should I even try? Thank you all for reading and any advice is appreciated.
I had to quit my job in October 2013 and apply for disability because of arthritis in my feet. I have been medically approved but not finalized and don't really know if I will get much if any yet.
I found out a month ago that my husband was texting a 38 year old woman who is the ex of a man he works with. In February my husband was off work on medical leave after hernia surgery. While he was in the shower his work phone rang so I answered it for him and noticed a message in drafts. I looked at the message and it was to a strange phone number and said Lunch time sexy.
I asked him who's number it was and he said he didn't know.I went online and did some searching and found her.
He said they were "just friends" and nothing else. I called her and told her I was his sister and asked if she had heard from him. She kept saying no we are just friends and I am driving can you call me. So I did. She kept saying they were just friends, nothing more (why tell his sister that?).
I texted her later and told her I am his wife and that I know what kind of friends they are. She sent back 7 texts denying any relationship between them and threatened to charge me with harassment if I didn't stop texting then blocked my number.
I asked him what was going on, told him I would find out anyway and that he should tell me. He kept saying we are just friends and just talking.
A week later she started sending me texts that he had sent her. The first one was a silly little love poem he had written and texted to me also. That broke my heart but I knew she wasn't lying. He was telling her he loves her, calling her sweet and pretty and sexy, and saying he wants to be a part of her life and that in March he is coming to her.
I kicked him out for a week then let him come back as a room mate type situation because he didn't have a place to go and I didn't have any income. We started going to marriage counseling and he started taking antidepressants. He had a horrible childhood , abusive parents and siblings and the counselor says he has a lot of shame and it makes him "not in his right mind" and causes him to do things to make him feel better about himself.
I don't know what to do. Right now I don't feel any love for him but that may change. He is trying to prove to me that he won't do it again, but how do you prove something like that. He has a history of failed marriages, phone sex, swinging, just not the type of person I want to be with. I didn't know most of this stuff until after we were married and he said he wanted to change and not be that person anymore.
What would you do? How will I ever trust him again? And should I even try? Thank you all for reading and any advice is appreciated.
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