Hello all,
I posted here sometime ago as my wife was threating she would walk out and would do so weekly. She is constantly angry and tries her best to control everything I do.
We eloped roughly 6 months ago and because of the ongoing threats / problems we have been having, I elected to postpone the celebrations that were due in April. The reason being she has constantly threatened to cancel it or leave or that she is separating and I finally decided that now isn't the time or place to celebrate until our problems have been resolved.
Last Sunday, before mentioning the idea to her, she already mentioned how unhappy she has been and that she wanted the celebrations cancelled / time away to sort out her feelings of which I mentioned that under the circumstances it was a great idea because I thought it was best to fix our house first before putting on an act in front of people. More so, there were limited arrangements that were prepared for this celebration.
Upon issuing an e-mail to our families that night, she had a change of heart Monday morning saying she is over being angry and that we should celebrate it. Ofcourse I had reservations wondering how can someone be so angry for so many months and then do a 180 within 12 hours .
I stupidly agreed as the next few days were great but then elected to postpone it anyways because nobody changes just overnight. Surely enough, I sent out a similar e-mail mentioning that I need to see stability from her to ensure that her behaviour isn't temporary as she is very hot / cold on practically everything including me and that I would continue to use my positive efforts to make sure we are happy couple and that the celebrations can take place later in the year. Never once did I mention I need time / space or that this isn't working out.
As of Friday, she claimed the marriage was over and because she constantly changes her mind as to how she feels about me (at times in one day), I just said "ok". She comes into our condo about an hour later, gets ready as if she ready to go out with her friends, packs her clothes into bags, yet just stays all night in the second bedroom and finally crawls into bed with me that night going to sleep. The following morning, she claims again that we are done and that we need to figure out how to spilt up everything, etc and asked me what my plan was. I mentioned to her that I sent you my plan (detailed e-mail of which she has igored to date) as to what we need to do in order for this work but if you don't like it and want out of it, then come up with your own plan and lets figure it out.
As usual with her hot / cold behavior, I come back a few hours later and she acts as if nothing has happened, we had a great evening and yesterday, it was a calm day. She claims that we were just "fighting" and that she is happy.
So here is my issue - I know she is playing too many games trying to get me to chase her / tell her stay, so that she has control over me and then when I give in, her attitude becomes even more negative each time and that when I have a gripe, she cant discuss a problem (or at least it appears that way) and does her best to distract me and after enough time goes by, she is up to her usual tricks.
While I want this problem to be solved, I know for a fact she is unable to discuss problems but only talk in circles / use distractions when things are hard. So the question I have for all of you is:
1. Have you encountered a spouse with similar traits and what you did / didn't do to ensure the games stopped?
2. Did you elect to stick around to make it work or did you just decide to say enough is enough and lets move on?
Like I do with all things, I just come on straight and deal with matters but I don't believe my spouse knows how do it. She refuses counselling and is literally appears to have bi-polar type qualities when it comes to our marriage / how we deal with problems.
Your thoughts would be much appreciated.
I posted here sometime ago as my wife was threating she would walk out and would do so weekly. She is constantly angry and tries her best to control everything I do.
We eloped roughly 6 months ago and because of the ongoing threats / problems we have been having, I elected to postpone the celebrations that were due in April. The reason being she has constantly threatened to cancel it or leave or that she is separating and I finally decided that now isn't the time or place to celebrate until our problems have been resolved.
Last Sunday, before mentioning the idea to her, she already mentioned how unhappy she has been and that she wanted the celebrations cancelled / time away to sort out her feelings of which I mentioned that under the circumstances it was a great idea because I thought it was best to fix our house first before putting on an act in front of people. More so, there were limited arrangements that were prepared for this celebration.
Upon issuing an e-mail to our families that night, she had a change of heart Monday morning saying she is over being angry and that we should celebrate it. Ofcourse I had reservations wondering how can someone be so angry for so many months and then do a 180 within 12 hours .
I stupidly agreed as the next few days were great but then elected to postpone it anyways because nobody changes just overnight. Surely enough, I sent out a similar e-mail mentioning that I need to see stability from her to ensure that her behaviour isn't temporary as she is very hot / cold on practically everything including me and that I would continue to use my positive efforts to make sure we are happy couple and that the celebrations can take place later in the year. Never once did I mention I need time / space or that this isn't working out.
As of Friday, she claimed the marriage was over and because she constantly changes her mind as to how she feels about me (at times in one day), I just said "ok". She comes into our condo about an hour later, gets ready as if she ready to go out with her friends, packs her clothes into bags, yet just stays all night in the second bedroom and finally crawls into bed with me that night going to sleep. The following morning, she claims again that we are done and that we need to figure out how to spilt up everything, etc and asked me what my plan was. I mentioned to her that I sent you my plan (detailed e-mail of which she has igored to date) as to what we need to do in order for this work but if you don't like it and want out of it, then come up with your own plan and lets figure it out.
As usual with her hot / cold behavior, I come back a few hours later and she acts as if nothing has happened, we had a great evening and yesterday, it was a calm day. She claims that we were just "fighting" and that she is happy.
So here is my issue - I know she is playing too many games trying to get me to chase her / tell her stay, so that she has control over me and then when I give in, her attitude becomes even more negative each time and that when I have a gripe, she cant discuss a problem (or at least it appears that way) and does her best to distract me and after enough time goes by, she is up to her usual tricks.
While I want this problem to be solved, I know for a fact she is unable to discuss problems but only talk in circles / use distractions when things are hard. So the question I have for all of you is:
1. Have you encountered a spouse with similar traits and what you did / didn't do to ensure the games stopped?
2. Did you elect to stick around to make it work or did you just decide to say enough is enough and lets move on?
Like I do with all things, I just come on straight and deal with matters but I don't believe my spouse knows how do it. She refuses counselling and is literally appears to have bi-polar type qualities when it comes to our marriage / how we deal with problems.
Your thoughts would be much appreciated.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment