Quick background. After a 29 year marriage, my wife revealed she is lesbian, and always had been. She kept it secret and buried until our kids were old enough to handle the news. Of course, she had an affair, and I experienced all the lies and betrayal, and rejection. Our sex life was mediocre during marriage. She was a virgin when we got married (I wasn't) and I knew within one month of our wedding that something was wrong. But we both just stuck it out. I always knew something was wrong sexually, and when she revealed her true sexual orientation, it answered all kinds of questions and odd things from our marriage.
Our divorce was amicable, no lawyers, and I take good financial care of her. She is with her partner and they are in love. The divorce has been final since July 2013.
Here is my concern. I have been completely dominated in my thoughts and actions with getting sex. I would really like to be in a healthy relationship, but I just go from one partner to the next. Since the divorce was final, I have been laid 79 times with 15 different women. Yeah, at some point I decided I should try and figure it out just to see what I have really been doing. So I counted up what I could remember. Last weekend, I had a different woman Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. These are all women that I will date for a little while, enjoy some great sex with, and then move on. They are all very nice people, and I have broken a few hearts along the way because I will allow myself to get into a "mini-relationship." I have found that getting laid is extremely easy. I really enjoy the sex, and the companionship, but I am not allowing myself to get too close to anyone. Other than taking precautions for STD, should I be concerned that I am screwing up my recove ry? I justify my actions in my head by telling myself that I was deprived of great sex for a long time, and the rejection I felt during the affair was intense, so it seems natural to want to get go out and get some. Please know, I do not lie or conceal anything with these ladies. I am upfront about my desire to not be in a long term thing right now, and it actually seems like that makes them more ready to hop in bed. But I feel like I might be setting myself up for a problem. Any advice? Am I worrying about nothing and in time, maybe a year or so after the divorce, I will settle down and actually try to develop a real relationship. Or will so much screwing around come back to hurt me emotionally. This is all new to me, so I am trying to figure out whether I really should change my pattern or not. Thanks in advance for your insights.
Our divorce was amicable, no lawyers, and I take good financial care of her. She is with her partner and they are in love. The divorce has been final since July 2013.
Here is my concern. I have been completely dominated in my thoughts and actions with getting sex. I would really like to be in a healthy relationship, but I just go from one partner to the next. Since the divorce was final, I have been laid 79 times with 15 different women. Yeah, at some point I decided I should try and figure it out just to see what I have really been doing. So I counted up what I could remember. Last weekend, I had a different woman Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. These are all women that I will date for a little while, enjoy some great sex with, and then move on. They are all very nice people, and I have broken a few hearts along the way because I will allow myself to get into a "mini-relationship." I have found that getting laid is extremely easy. I really enjoy the sex, and the companionship, but I am not allowing myself to get too close to anyone. Other than taking precautions for STD, should I be concerned that I am screwing up my recove ry? I justify my actions in my head by telling myself that I was deprived of great sex for a long time, and the rejection I felt during the affair was intense, so it seems natural to want to get go out and get some. Please know, I do not lie or conceal anything with these ladies. I am upfront about my desire to not be in a long term thing right now, and it actually seems like that makes them more ready to hop in bed. But I feel like I might be setting myself up for a problem. Any advice? Am I worrying about nothing and in time, maybe a year or so after the divorce, I will settle down and actually try to develop a real relationship. Or will so much screwing around come back to hurt me emotionally. This is all new to me, so I am trying to figure out whether I really should change my pattern or not. Thanks in advance for your insights.
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