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Never being with a girl is giving me mental health issues

This is my first post on here, lurked for a few months, not sure of rules or where this should go.
Warning; going to be a lot of stupid beta self pity bull****
Feel like Ive gave up, Don't know if I'm looking for advice or venting or what, feel like I could do with some help from anyone that can spare the time
Going to cliff form it:
-always been FA
-came to uni, made 2 good friends
-not even came close to getting a girl, never really even physically touched one, feel like a piece of **** because of this
-have depression, being medicated but it doesn't do ****, constantly wishing I'm dead just so I don't have to be alone the rest of my life
-I'm not socially awkward, I can make friends easily but not close ones, have 2 very good mates which is the only positive aspect of my life, other than that no one would care or notice if I died
-feel like the only way to feel normal is to be with a girl but they want nothing to do with me, they will be friendly but any girl I ever tried anything with laughed in my face or make a face like they smell **** and ignore me
-can't function any more, got to the point I cannot be sober because i feel so terrible, literally the only two things I can do is sleep and get high/drunk
-got an interruption of studies because of mental health issues, so have to move back home until September, not even going to have friends or any opportunity to even try and get girls, literally just work (all my colleagues dislike and ignore me) gym and sleep for months on end

people always say "work on yourself and you'll find someone" but I'm not in a position to ever actually get a girl if I do that
It doesn't matter what I do, I can't appreciate anything without someone to share it with, I want literally nothing else in this world more than a girl who isn't disgusted at the thought of me touching her, I have lost all interest in things I used to like, can't even enjoy music anymore it's just meaningless noise, tv is just some images on a screen, stopped playing guitar and going to the gym, haven't showered for days, hair and beard been growing for months I see no point in anything ?


i am aware I sound crazy and there are people dying of starvation in the world but I don't know why I can't get this out of my head

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