I joined OKCupid a year ago, to see what all the fuss was about.
Now I'm a reasonably good looking guy. I don't work out every single week but I do keep in shape to a reasonable extent and I'm quite active. I also eat well. No one has ever said that I'm ugly.
I have an ok job and a part time business on the side and I'm not in any debt and I have quite a good lifestyle.
I've dated a lot of women and more often than not it's been pretty good with most of them.
I'm a good conversationalist, I'm thoughtful, a good listener, and I have plenty to contribute to a conversation too. Basically I'm just a normal, reasonable guy.
I don't think I'm the bees knees or anything like that but to be fair to myself I think I'm quite a good catch. Nothing special, but good enough.
And then I did online dating. Wow, what a shock.
I've seen maybe a couple of thousand profiles over the last year, possibly more, and I can honestly say that the percentage of them that come across as dateable is around 2%. Really, it's that bad. I know that's a very rough estimate but it seems about right to me.
A rough estimate of the number of women that I've sent initial messages to is about...I'm going to say 700.
The nature of my messages has ranged from normal greetings to slightly cheeky (but not rude) comments about something they say or something in one of their pictures.
And yet to this day I think I've had maybe 30 responses. And out of those, I think maybe 5 were positive. The rest were rude or snarky in one way or another. And out of the positive responses, they all abandoned the conversation within a few exchanges.
What I've just described is how it was when I was looking at and messaging UK women.
Up until this point I was sending messages to women who lived near me, and then gradually I started including those that were a bit further afield, and then I just thought why not check out women all over the country.
But then I had a thought. If I'm now messaging or at least checking out women that I couldn't possibly meet because they're too far away, why not check out women in other countries?
So that's what I did. First I checked out french women. Some seemed ok, others not so much. But I noticed that they were more responsive than UK women by and large. Same in Italy, Croatia, Romania and those countries in that part of Europe, and Russia too. Before I knew it I was actually having chats with these women.
Then I tried Asia. Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Philippines, Vietnam. It was even better. I actually found myself connecting with these girls even though they're so far away.
Same in Latin America. They were so friendly, so curious, and very intelligent despite the less than perfect english that some of them have.
The common thing that they all had was that their attitudes were totally different. I was such a breath of fresh air. I really felt like I was talking to real women. It was like night and day compared with those women back in the UK. They were like a different species, and it felt so natural. I finally felt like I could be myself, rather than having to think up a load of super witty lines to get their attention, only to be ignored time and time again.
And their profiles conveyed so much femininity, humility, sweetness, and pretty much everything that was lacking in the UK women's profiles. Even such a simple thing as smiling in a picture, their smiles were natural and relaxed, not contrived, and no duckfaces or pretentious posing. Just natural sweetness.
Then I tried the US but it was a very mixed bag. Mostly negative, but from time to time there were a few good ones. Australia was terrible.
It seems to me that women in western nations have for the most part forgotten how to be women. Such bad attitudes, fakery, and in a lot of profiles I notice hostility and defensiveness. Basically they're just terrible. It's such a vast contrast.
Here's an example. In so many western women's profiles, they say don't send me a message if all you're going to say is hi, hello etc. Who do they think they are to tell people what to say in a message? And anyway, why do they think they're too good for a normal greeting, like a normal person? It seems that they're just there for attention and flattery and they have no intention to meet anyone.
By contrast, the women in the other countries almost always responded to a simple greeting. They understood that it was an invitation to check out my profile and have a chat. They didn't feel entitled to being wowed in a first message. They understand that friendship (or whatever) takes a little time to build. They know this.
Another example. Western women generally don't sell themselves well. They use their profiles as a personal blog, and then expect men to read everything. Some of them even (and I kid you not, I've spotted it many times) tell the reader to quote something from their profile to prove that they read it. Unbelievable! You don't get such neurotic nonsense from the other women in other countries. It's such immaturity / narcissism. By contrast, a woman from Vietnam or Malaysia or Hungary or Colombia will actually mention what she thinks are her best attributes, things that men find appealing.
I once asked one of the few western women that responded to me why she chose to talk about her pastimes, hobbies, interests, job, travels, etc at the expense of mentioning what she thinks makes her a good catch, and she said that that stuff should be a given, or that you find out these things as the conversation unfold. What rubbish. It's a dating site, you're supposed to sell yourself as a prospective girlfriend or wife.
A female acquaintance said to me that the only reason they chat with me (the foreign ones) is because they're poor and want me to take care of them. But she said it without even knowing what countries, which tells me that she was making excuses. Besides, it's not true, as I know from having chatted with them. I tell them that meeting is not really an option and they still stick around. There's a misconception that western = good, non western = bad. Meaning, people in non western countries are desperately poor and unhappy. But nothing could be further from the truth. They're also very intelligent. And very cultured.
The long and the short of it is that my experience with non western women on online dating has been amazing so far, and it raises questions about the quality of western women in general.
The problem is not that western women don't have potential. They totally do have it. But when I see it from both sides, that's to say, when I see what women are like in non western countries, and when I make the comparison, it's a massive difference.
Another thing is that if the women who do online dating are the worst of their culture, then that makes me wonder just how amazing those foreign women who don't use it must be. But by contrast, what I see from the western women on dating sites is pretty much what I see in day to day life too.
And that's what I've learned from my experience of online dating.
Now I'm a reasonably good looking guy. I don't work out every single week but I do keep in shape to a reasonable extent and I'm quite active. I also eat well. No one has ever said that I'm ugly.
I have an ok job and a part time business on the side and I'm not in any debt and I have quite a good lifestyle.
I've dated a lot of women and more often than not it's been pretty good with most of them.
I'm a good conversationalist, I'm thoughtful, a good listener, and I have plenty to contribute to a conversation too. Basically I'm just a normal, reasonable guy.
I don't think I'm the bees knees or anything like that but to be fair to myself I think I'm quite a good catch. Nothing special, but good enough.
And then I did online dating. Wow, what a shock.
I've seen maybe a couple of thousand profiles over the last year, possibly more, and I can honestly say that the percentage of them that come across as dateable is around 2%. Really, it's that bad. I know that's a very rough estimate but it seems about right to me.
A rough estimate of the number of women that I've sent initial messages to is about...I'm going to say 700.
The nature of my messages has ranged from normal greetings to slightly cheeky (but not rude) comments about something they say or something in one of their pictures.
And yet to this day I think I've had maybe 30 responses. And out of those, I think maybe 5 were positive. The rest were rude or snarky in one way or another. And out of the positive responses, they all abandoned the conversation within a few exchanges.
What I've just described is how it was when I was looking at and messaging UK women.
Up until this point I was sending messages to women who lived near me, and then gradually I started including those that were a bit further afield, and then I just thought why not check out women all over the country.
But then I had a thought. If I'm now messaging or at least checking out women that I couldn't possibly meet because they're too far away, why not check out women in other countries?
So that's what I did. First I checked out french women. Some seemed ok, others not so much. But I noticed that they were more responsive than UK women by and large. Same in Italy, Croatia, Romania and those countries in that part of Europe, and Russia too. Before I knew it I was actually having chats with these women.
Then I tried Asia. Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Philippines, Vietnam. It was even better. I actually found myself connecting with these girls even though they're so far away.
Same in Latin America. They were so friendly, so curious, and very intelligent despite the less than perfect english that some of them have.
The common thing that they all had was that their attitudes were totally different. I was such a breath of fresh air. I really felt like I was talking to real women. It was like night and day compared with those women back in the UK. They were like a different species, and it felt so natural. I finally felt like I could be myself, rather than having to think up a load of super witty lines to get their attention, only to be ignored time and time again.
And their profiles conveyed so much femininity, humility, sweetness, and pretty much everything that was lacking in the UK women's profiles. Even such a simple thing as smiling in a picture, their smiles were natural and relaxed, not contrived, and no duckfaces or pretentious posing. Just natural sweetness.
Then I tried the US but it was a very mixed bag. Mostly negative, but from time to time there were a few good ones. Australia was terrible.
It seems to me that women in western nations have for the most part forgotten how to be women. Such bad attitudes, fakery, and in a lot of profiles I notice hostility and defensiveness. Basically they're just terrible. It's such a vast contrast.
Here's an example. In so many western women's profiles, they say don't send me a message if all you're going to say is hi, hello etc. Who do they think they are to tell people what to say in a message? And anyway, why do they think they're too good for a normal greeting, like a normal person? It seems that they're just there for attention and flattery and they have no intention to meet anyone.
By contrast, the women in the other countries almost always responded to a simple greeting. They understood that it was an invitation to check out my profile and have a chat. They didn't feel entitled to being wowed in a first message. They understand that friendship (or whatever) takes a little time to build. They know this.
Another example. Western women generally don't sell themselves well. They use their profiles as a personal blog, and then expect men to read everything. Some of them even (and I kid you not, I've spotted it many times) tell the reader to quote something from their profile to prove that they read it. Unbelievable! You don't get such neurotic nonsense from the other women in other countries. It's such immaturity / narcissism. By contrast, a woman from Vietnam or Malaysia or Hungary or Colombia will actually mention what she thinks are her best attributes, things that men find appealing.
I once asked one of the few western women that responded to me why she chose to talk about her pastimes, hobbies, interests, job, travels, etc at the expense of mentioning what she thinks makes her a good catch, and she said that that stuff should be a given, or that you find out these things as the conversation unfold. What rubbish. It's a dating site, you're supposed to sell yourself as a prospective girlfriend or wife.
A female acquaintance said to me that the only reason they chat with me (the foreign ones) is because they're poor and want me to take care of them. But she said it without even knowing what countries, which tells me that she was making excuses. Besides, it's not true, as I know from having chatted with them. I tell them that meeting is not really an option and they still stick around. There's a misconception that western = good, non western = bad. Meaning, people in non western countries are desperately poor and unhappy. But nothing could be further from the truth. They're also very intelligent. And very cultured.
The long and the short of it is that my experience with non western women on online dating has been amazing so far, and it raises questions about the quality of western women in general.
The problem is not that western women don't have potential. They totally do have it. But when I see it from both sides, that's to say, when I see what women are like in non western countries, and when I make the comparison, it's a massive difference.
Another thing is that if the women who do online dating are the worst of their culture, then that makes me wonder just how amazing those foreign women who don't use it must be. But by contrast, what I see from the western women on dating sites is pretty much what I see in day to day life too.
And that's what I've learned from my experience of online dating.
Put the internet to work for you.
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