A little back story- my husband and I have been married 20 years and together 25 years. We were married young and have 4 children ages 9-19. Busy past few years have lead to us drifting apart emotionally and physically- so busy focused on kids that "we" weren't really a focus. I realized this a couple of months ago and after a discussion with my husband we both realized we were not at all happy and have been working hard to "fix" things. So far things are going so well. I've been spending quite a bit of time reflecting and working on ME- it has been a good thing and I can tell my husband appreciates it. I had rejected my husband physically over the years due to stress/tiredness. We have reintroduced the physical aspect and affectionate side of our relationship and that part is going great. We both feel much more attached and happier. The reason for the stress over the years was mainly focused on my husband's career. He has a graduate degree and due to poor economy, bad luck, and probably being "too nice" he just has not been successful. He has always wanted me to be home with the kids- I appreciate that as do our kids and he still does want that. That being said, I do earn money from home as we own a small business that is all mine so I do supplement our income in a way that also allows me to be in charge of 95% of all of our home/kid related stuff (he does the lawn when our college aged child isn't home and helps with projects a couple of times a year- that's it). I do all of the kid stuff- homework, driving, and really almost all of the parenting. He is a good dad, but is having to focus hard on his career right now so he isn't home very much unfortunately. This set up works fine for us for the moment and we are willing to sacrifice him being home more right now for hopes that in the near future he will be able to be a little more stable at his career and will be able to be home more. BUT ...so often he end s up doing work for free because his clients don't pay or wasting time meeting with people that turns into nothing (he is self employed). He has looked for another job, but was unsuccessful. I do think he could be successful doing this, but don't know if he has ADHD or what- he often just seems like he is flailing. I feel like over the past month, however, he has become more focused and is really trying to figure this out. I really think now that he is happier with life he is better able to focus on his career. My question is though how do I support him without nagging him and without seeming like I don't trust him? Trust has been a huge issue with me in relation to his career- he promises clients will pay that doesn't happen, etc. I think he "gets" it finally and I want him to feel empowered in his career. As a wife how can I encourage my "nice guy" husband to be a leader in his own life?
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