My question is about my job; should I stay or is it time to move on?
Ok, well I am a teacher in a small remote community and my job is a contract position - year to year. The school that I work for does not give out permanent contracts but rather we sign contracts year to year, however, as my boss stated once, "Your jobs are secure unless you majorly screw up."
My husband and I have been in our current location for five years and we enjoy it but are eager to move closer to family. I am ready to move and would move in a heartbeat except the job prospects in full time teaching where I live in Canada are low and I would have to rely on my husband if I didn't secure a job right away.
The problem with relying on my husband is he not reliable. In fact he recently got demoted at his job because he had missed too many days and his boss couldn't rely on him to do his job daily. (He was a butcher at a grocery store but now has been demoted to a grocery clerk stocking shelves.)
Now, my husband is telling me to give him a few months until the end of summer and that he will clean up his act and be more responsible, I'm just not sure if I want to take that chance.
I'll give you some background on our situation. We moved in after university together and lived very much like roommates splitting all expenses 50/50. This worked for a bit, however, it did seem unfair because unfortunately I was working a minimum wage job and making 3 times less than he was. There were this one time where I had to ask him to lend me money to help pay the rent. We moved unexpectedly due to a fire in our previous building and I couldn't afford both first and last at the time and he made a big deal out of it stating it was unfair, that I should go out and get a better job if I couldn't afford the living expenses. I also asked him to put me on his benefits at work but he refused stating it was too expensive. I actually didn't think much about it at the time and agreed with him that yes, I should try to get a better job and yes, it was too expensive to ask him to put me on his benefits.
So eventually I did get a better job, we moved and that's when we started splitting the expenses according to income. I was now the one making more so I ended up paying 2/3 of our expenses while he paid a 1/3. I was content with this agreement and this worked for about a year.
About a year into our move, I got into a car accident which caused our insurance to rise substantially so I took over the insurance payments (a bill that had been allotted to him). We eventually got married and 3 months leading up to the wedding I told him I'd take all over the bills while he saved up his half for the wedding with the agreement that he would take back his share of the bills after the wedding.
Unfortunately that did not happen - two months after we got married, my husband was diagnosed with depressed and out of haste moved back in with his parents for about 4 months to get well. This was devastating not only because he upped and moved but he also cut himself off from anything in our lives. Didn't want to take about anything with our relationship, just wanted to be friends and left me in charge to deal with all the finances in our household - bills, student loans, honeymoon, dogs. This was difficult but I managed.
When he did move back in, it was baby steps and to not overwhelm him I did badger not him with the responsibilities of the household and he said when he felt better, he would start chipping in.
Six months after he moved back in I told him he was going to start paying some bills again. He was made aware of the bills but left them unpaid. I eventually caved and paid them. Then six months after this, we agreed that I would pay all the household expenses while he would put money into savings and agreed on a set amount. Again this did not happen until 10 months later when I told him he had to pay for his fair share of trip we were taking together or he wasn't going. Then he started putting money away and used that money for the trip.
As of right now, I pay for 95% of our expenses and I guess I'm worried if I leave my job I'm losing that piece of security that I know our bills will get paid. It also leaves me dependent on him to finance the household and ensure that he goes to work daily. He has previously lost a job due to too many undocumented sick days. I also worry about going back to the 50/50 model where it is me struggling again to make ends meet.
I think I could handle another year teaching where I am but am eager to move closer to family and closer to a bigger city. We have actually said for the past 2-3 years that we are going to move closer to home once my husband knows he can handle full time work and the realities of life. He says he can't handle it right now (he's only working part time) but by the end of summer should be able to. However, contract time for me for next September is coming up in a couple weeks and my boss has already asked me about my plans for next year.
Just a side note, the reason why I am so worried about finding a job elsewhere is - I have a physical disability which I find some employers discriminate against. When I left university, I found it really difficult to find work because many employers didn't want to take the risk and I didn't have much experience. I'm hoping things will be different this time if I do leave my job because I have held down a full time job for 5+ years and can have proved to be an asset in my field.
Another note, the reason for the 50/50 model when H and I first moved in together was he felt we weren't serious enough to split finances according to income, that's what he tells me now. I thought we were pretty serious since we moved in together and got engaged. It wasn't until 9 months after our engagement and once I got a good paying job that expenses were shifted to income based. :confused:
I'll restate my question - leave my job and security OR stick with my job for another year and hope that my husband becomes more responsible so that next year I am not as hesitant to leave the security of my job if I plan to.
Ok, well I am a teacher in a small remote community and my job is a contract position - year to year. The school that I work for does not give out permanent contracts but rather we sign contracts year to year, however, as my boss stated once, "Your jobs are secure unless you majorly screw up."
My husband and I have been in our current location for five years and we enjoy it but are eager to move closer to family. I am ready to move and would move in a heartbeat except the job prospects in full time teaching where I live in Canada are low and I would have to rely on my husband if I didn't secure a job right away.
The problem with relying on my husband is he not reliable. In fact he recently got demoted at his job because he had missed too many days and his boss couldn't rely on him to do his job daily. (He was a butcher at a grocery store but now has been demoted to a grocery clerk stocking shelves.)
Now, my husband is telling me to give him a few months until the end of summer and that he will clean up his act and be more responsible, I'm just not sure if I want to take that chance.
I'll give you some background on our situation. We moved in after university together and lived very much like roommates splitting all expenses 50/50. This worked for a bit, however, it did seem unfair because unfortunately I was working a minimum wage job and making 3 times less than he was. There were this one time where I had to ask him to lend me money to help pay the rent. We moved unexpectedly due to a fire in our previous building and I couldn't afford both first and last at the time and he made a big deal out of it stating it was unfair, that I should go out and get a better job if I couldn't afford the living expenses. I also asked him to put me on his benefits at work but he refused stating it was too expensive. I actually didn't think much about it at the time and agreed with him that yes, I should try to get a better job and yes, it was too expensive to ask him to put me on his benefits.
So eventually I did get a better job, we moved and that's when we started splitting the expenses according to income. I was now the one making more so I ended up paying 2/3 of our expenses while he paid a 1/3. I was content with this agreement and this worked for about a year.
About a year into our move, I got into a car accident which caused our insurance to rise substantially so I took over the insurance payments (a bill that had been allotted to him). We eventually got married and 3 months leading up to the wedding I told him I'd take all over the bills while he saved up his half for the wedding with the agreement that he would take back his share of the bills after the wedding.
Unfortunately that did not happen - two months after we got married, my husband was diagnosed with depressed and out of haste moved back in with his parents for about 4 months to get well. This was devastating not only because he upped and moved but he also cut himself off from anything in our lives. Didn't want to take about anything with our relationship, just wanted to be friends and left me in charge to deal with all the finances in our household - bills, student loans, honeymoon, dogs. This was difficult but I managed.
When he did move back in, it was baby steps and to not overwhelm him I did badger not him with the responsibilities of the household and he said when he felt better, he would start chipping in.
Six months after he moved back in I told him he was going to start paying some bills again. He was made aware of the bills but left them unpaid. I eventually caved and paid them. Then six months after this, we agreed that I would pay all the household expenses while he would put money into savings and agreed on a set amount. Again this did not happen until 10 months later when I told him he had to pay for his fair share of trip we were taking together or he wasn't going. Then he started putting money away and used that money for the trip.
As of right now, I pay for 95% of our expenses and I guess I'm worried if I leave my job I'm losing that piece of security that I know our bills will get paid. It also leaves me dependent on him to finance the household and ensure that he goes to work daily. He has previously lost a job due to too many undocumented sick days. I also worry about going back to the 50/50 model where it is me struggling again to make ends meet.
I think I could handle another year teaching where I am but am eager to move closer to family and closer to a bigger city. We have actually said for the past 2-3 years that we are going to move closer to home once my husband knows he can handle full time work and the realities of life. He says he can't handle it right now (he's only working part time) but by the end of summer should be able to. However, contract time for me for next September is coming up in a couple weeks and my boss has already asked me about my plans for next year.
Just a side note, the reason why I am so worried about finding a job elsewhere is - I have a physical disability which I find some employers discriminate against. When I left university, I found it really difficult to find work because many employers didn't want to take the risk and I didn't have much experience. I'm hoping things will be different this time if I do leave my job because I have held down a full time job for 5+ years and can have proved to be an asset in my field.
Another note, the reason for the 50/50 model when H and I first moved in together was he felt we weren't serious enough to split finances according to income, that's what he tells me now. I thought we were pretty serious since we moved in together and got engaged. It wasn't until 9 months after our engagement and once I got a good paying job that expenses were shifted to income based. :confused:
I'll restate my question - leave my job and security OR stick with my job for another year and hope that my husband becomes more responsible so that next year I am not as hesitant to leave the security of my job if I plan to.
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