Backstory - faking orgasms for years, coming clean with H a year ago, trying to learn how this thing works.
I've identified that H and I are on a 2 month cycle, give or take. One really good month followed by a downslide, followed by a fight, repeat.
Last week one night we had started kissing in bed, foreplay, etc. H said - hey, Miss Scarlett, I have to be up at 4am tomorrow. Might it be okay if we just have a quickie and I will get to you tomorrow.
Per our agreement of 'if you're meeting my needs, I will meet yours' I agreed.
The next night an argument ensued over an upcoming vacation, there was no sex and then he left town on business for several days.
I was seriously pissed off, back to thinking of him as a selfish ass when it comes to sex. Having a few days to think this over, I realized the problem did not lie in him asking for a quickie. The problem, again, was me.
If you have been following my story, you know I have a long history (20 years worth) of not feeling I can expect the time and effort from a sexual partner to get me to orgasm. I thought I had overcome this issue recently - and yet here it was again. Although the sex between H and I is so much better - I am still leaning on this issue, namely if I don't think I will be able to get there in 20 minutes or less I request a pass. I request him to stop. I say never mind.
Therefore, last weeks fight was more about the fact that I already don't let him try unless I am pretty sure there will be success - and he still asked to skip it. I'm already cheating myself out of this, so for him to say that made me feel like I really am too much trouble.
We got things worked out over this past weekend. And I told him this. I never had told him before that I was calling it quits if I thought it was going to be difficult or take a long time. This is not a habit of his, asking for a quickie, either.
I find I'm still very paranoid about how long it might take me to orgasm. Even though I have friends that say it takes them a long time, I'm normal. I still can only really hear the women that are off like a shot. I expect myself to be like that, I feel I'm broken because I can't O from PIV. I feel I'm broken because it takes more than 20 minutes. I feel I'm broken because I can't concentrate on PIV and clitoral stimulation at the same time.
I'm still trying to cover that I feel broken, I guess. Even though I have all the proof I should need that I'm a normal person and that H is not bent on me having an O or not - I'm still stuck on this hill.
(Yes, Anon and Faithful, I did read the blog entry on Orgasm Blockers and this was very timely in light of my recent realization.)
Also my ongoing disclaimer that I am not seeking to have an O every time I'm intimate with my H - I generally am very happy with the way things are, but I recognize that this particular issue is mental and not physical. The physical I cannot really change, but the mental can be overcome.
Any feedback (that I hope is not going to be a long thread of women and men saying how fast they/their women get off?) :)
I've identified that H and I are on a 2 month cycle, give or take. One really good month followed by a downslide, followed by a fight, repeat.
Last week one night we had started kissing in bed, foreplay, etc. H said - hey, Miss Scarlett, I have to be up at 4am tomorrow. Might it be okay if we just have a quickie and I will get to you tomorrow.
Per our agreement of 'if you're meeting my needs, I will meet yours' I agreed.
The next night an argument ensued over an upcoming vacation, there was no sex and then he left town on business for several days.
I was seriously pissed off, back to thinking of him as a selfish ass when it comes to sex. Having a few days to think this over, I realized the problem did not lie in him asking for a quickie. The problem, again, was me.
If you have been following my story, you know I have a long history (20 years worth) of not feeling I can expect the time and effort from a sexual partner to get me to orgasm. I thought I had overcome this issue recently - and yet here it was again. Although the sex between H and I is so much better - I am still leaning on this issue, namely if I don't think I will be able to get there in 20 minutes or less I request a pass. I request him to stop. I say never mind.
Therefore, last weeks fight was more about the fact that I already don't let him try unless I am pretty sure there will be success - and he still asked to skip it. I'm already cheating myself out of this, so for him to say that made me feel like I really am too much trouble.
We got things worked out over this past weekend. And I told him this. I never had told him before that I was calling it quits if I thought it was going to be difficult or take a long time. This is not a habit of his, asking for a quickie, either.
I find I'm still very paranoid about how long it might take me to orgasm. Even though I have friends that say it takes them a long time, I'm normal. I still can only really hear the women that are off like a shot. I expect myself to be like that, I feel I'm broken because I can't O from PIV. I feel I'm broken because it takes more than 20 minutes. I feel I'm broken because I can't concentrate on PIV and clitoral stimulation at the same time.
I'm still trying to cover that I feel broken, I guess. Even though I have all the proof I should need that I'm a normal person and that H is not bent on me having an O or not - I'm still stuck on this hill.
(Yes, Anon and Faithful, I did read the blog entry on Orgasm Blockers and this was very timely in light of my recent realization.)
Also my ongoing disclaimer that I am not seeking to have an O every time I'm intimate with my H - I generally am very happy with the way things are, but I recognize that this particular issue is mental and not physical. The physical I cannot really change, but the mental can be overcome.
Any feedback (that I hope is not going to be a long thread of women and men saying how fast they/their women get off?) :)
Put the internet to work for you.
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