I have been with my boyfriend for four years. I keep thinking about cheating on him. I've never cheated on anyone and I love him so much so it's not in an emotional sense. I am just sexually frustrated. Allow me to explain.
My boyfriend is asexual. I am not. In retrospect I should have probably left when I found this out (within the first six months), but then love happened and it gets harder. Plus, I didn't want to let sex ruin the relationship. I do believe that there is a lot more to a relationship than sex and I think it is a bit overrated, from my experiences in the past. That doesn't mean that I don't want it though. I'm 23 years old. He is 28. We have sex sometimes, but I have to ask him days in advance, and even then it's like sleeping with a mannequin whilst I use him. I get limited enjoyment because he looks like he hates it, and he's never 'finished' from it. I can count the amount of times we have had sex on two hands.
Apart from sex, stuff is limited. He isn't against everything sexual and likes foreplay, however only for himself. He doesn't do anything to me. Sometimes he will offer to touch me but I get nothing out of it because he doesn't enjoy that either. It's forced and to be honest he's not very good at it even though I give him tips.
We spent a fortune on counselling for a year. I know asexuality can't be 'fixed' but we thought it might make it better for him, or easier. After reading the AVEN forums (for people with asexuality/people in relationships) it seems a lot of them do have sex, so we wanted to work on that. I just want to clarify that he is certainly not gay and he is attracted to me. I know those two avenues look likely but I've considered both and I know they aren't true.
I even asked him if he would let me sleep with someone else so that I can be sexually satisfied. Some couples do that on AVEN. He said no, which didn't surprise me. I don't really want that either but I need something as I'm so frustrated.
I know most of the replies will probably just tell me to leave him. But I don't want to do that. I love him and I've always imagined a future with him in terms of marriage and kids (don't know how that will happen though...). I know he feels the same.
What can I do? :(
TLDR; asexual boyfriend who I love very much. Sexually frustrated.
My boyfriend is asexual. I am not. In retrospect I should have probably left when I found this out (within the first six months), but then love happened and it gets harder. Plus, I didn't want to let sex ruin the relationship. I do believe that there is a lot more to a relationship than sex and I think it is a bit overrated, from my experiences in the past. That doesn't mean that I don't want it though. I'm 23 years old. He is 28. We have sex sometimes, but I have to ask him days in advance, and even then it's like sleeping with a mannequin whilst I use him. I get limited enjoyment because he looks like he hates it, and he's never 'finished' from it. I can count the amount of times we have had sex on two hands.
Apart from sex, stuff is limited. He isn't against everything sexual and likes foreplay, however only for himself. He doesn't do anything to me. Sometimes he will offer to touch me but I get nothing out of it because he doesn't enjoy that either. It's forced and to be honest he's not very good at it even though I give him tips.
We spent a fortune on counselling for a year. I know asexuality can't be 'fixed' but we thought it might make it better for him, or easier. After reading the AVEN forums (for people with asexuality/people in relationships) it seems a lot of them do have sex, so we wanted to work on that. I just want to clarify that he is certainly not gay and he is attracted to me. I know those two avenues look likely but I've considered both and I know they aren't true.
I even asked him if he would let me sleep with someone else so that I can be sexually satisfied. Some couples do that on AVEN. He said no, which didn't surprise me. I don't really want that either but I need something as I'm so frustrated.
I know most of the replies will probably just tell me to leave him. But I don't want to do that. I love him and I've always imagined a future with him in terms of marriage and kids (don't know how that will happen though...). I know he feels the same.
What can I do? :(
TLDR; asexual boyfriend who I love very much. Sexually frustrated.
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