I apologize for the long story. I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I just got married to my husband about 6 months ago but we had been together for 3 years prior to that. We also have a 2 year old son together & we are both in our late 30's. After the pregnancy we started having intimacy issues, all from his end. He seemed to lose interest in sex all together. He swore it was not me, that he was just going through midlife issues. But what started as a disinterest in sex has progressed in the last couple of months to withdrawing all physical affection – hugs, kisses, holding hands etc. He says that he loves me but he doesn't act like it. Last September we decided to start trying for baby #2 (his idea, by the way). I got pregnant right away but had had a miscarriage. He promised we would try again but for the last 2 months he has backed out when it was time to start trying. Now he has decided he wants to put off trying for a baby indefinitely. He has started therapy because he seems to be suffering from depression. Again, all through this process he has sworn up & down it's not because of me. It's because he hates his job, he's worried about money, he wants to move but we're stuck in a 2 year lease, his mother passed away and all sorts of things have piled on to create this problem. As much as I want to have a baby I am willing to help him get through this and hope we're stronger for it when we come out the other side.
Then last night I was messing around on his phone and I found a letter that he wrote to his ex-wife. I'm pretty sure it was his "homework" from therapy that he refuses to tell me about. The letter went a little something like this … "If I could go back in time and rewind the mistakes I made I would. It hurts to know that I will never lay beside the true love of my life ever again." The letter was very long and I only got to read a few sentences because he was sitting right there and wanted his phone back. I saw that he mentioned me later in the letter but I was unable to read that part.
We haven't gotten a chance to talk about this yet since it all happened last night – on our son's birthday when my mom was staying with us. Not good timing for a relationship discussion. But he knows something is wrong because my mood changed in an instant. So I know we're going to have to talk about it tonight and the thought is just making me sick to my stomach.
His ex-wife is in a loving relationship & pregnant so I know this is not actually something he could act on. That leads me to believe that he was just getting all his thoughts out for therapy. But now that I've seen it, it's burned in my mind. I love him so much but I'm not sure I can spend the rest of my life with someone that wishes I was someone else. I deserve more than to be someone's second choice. I know that he loves me but apparently not as much as he loved her. The logistics of a divorce scare me (our 2 year lease & other financial concerns) but more importantly the thought of being a part time parent and having to share custody of my son breaks my heart. We are both in individual counseling and probably need marriage counseling too. I guess what I'm asking is – has anyone else been through anything like this? Is it worth it to try to stay & work it out? Or do I just need to get out and move on? I'm scared to throw my marriage away without even trying but I'm just so hurt.
Then last night I was messing around on his phone and I found a letter that he wrote to his ex-wife. I'm pretty sure it was his "homework" from therapy that he refuses to tell me about. The letter went a little something like this … "If I could go back in time and rewind the mistakes I made I would. It hurts to know that I will never lay beside the true love of my life ever again." The letter was very long and I only got to read a few sentences because he was sitting right there and wanted his phone back. I saw that he mentioned me later in the letter but I was unable to read that part.
We haven't gotten a chance to talk about this yet since it all happened last night – on our son's birthday when my mom was staying with us. Not good timing for a relationship discussion. But he knows something is wrong because my mood changed in an instant. So I know we're going to have to talk about it tonight and the thought is just making me sick to my stomach.
His ex-wife is in a loving relationship & pregnant so I know this is not actually something he could act on. That leads me to believe that he was just getting all his thoughts out for therapy. But now that I've seen it, it's burned in my mind. I love him so much but I'm not sure I can spend the rest of my life with someone that wishes I was someone else. I deserve more than to be someone's second choice. I know that he loves me but apparently not as much as he loved her. The logistics of a divorce scare me (our 2 year lease & other financial concerns) but more importantly the thought of being a part time parent and having to share custody of my son breaks my heart. We are both in individual counseling and probably need marriage counseling too. I guess what I'm asking is – has anyone else been through anything like this? Is it worth it to try to stay & work it out? Or do I just need to get out and move on? I'm scared to throw my marriage away without even trying but I'm just so hurt.
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