Ok... I'm probably overreacting, but as you might see from my past posts, my wife had an EA in the past (won't go into details here, not relevant other than to say "the capability is/was there") and I monitor like a hawk.
As you might also see from these past posts of mine, despite some pretty hardcore monitoring of everything that communicates (bar work laptop and just occasional checking of her work phone) things have looked squeaky clean ever since things ended in the previous EA and I often feel like I am an ******* for continuing this insane level of overview when my wife it appears is now the epitomy of perfect.
"Gut Feelings" I agree, are almost never wrong. The gut has never been wrong in my life on much, ever. Except now, I cannot trust my gut, because I don't discount my general paranoia and never ending gut feeling that I should never stop looking. So I need the assessment or sanity check of the following by someone who isn't me, just to see if I should go to Defqon 1, or if I should just relax my alert status back down to getting on with being lucky enough to have a good wife who loves me without being a paranoid ****head and over reading into things?
1st "Red Flag" - A few (2-3) times in the past 2 and a bit months I have had a gut feeling about times she has been either late home from work or out later than expected with friends. Now here's the wildcards on each of these examples that could tip this either way:
First time I was suspect on a late night:
She met my sister (they get along well) and some other friends of hers in the suburb my sister lives, they all went out to dinner and had a few drinks - No problem there, she was without question doing exactly that. Where it skews is that there is a 1hr delay between her leaving my sisters, at a destination 30mins drive away - and an never previously seen number is sms'd x2
Second time:
In her normally so much of a rush routine that she gets angry if I bug her for even a few minutes, she somehow found time and the importance of freshly shaving "down there" - despite not having had sex with eachother all weekend and a pretty solid record of weeknights being occasional, but not the norm.
Late home (by an hr+/-, we live 5 mins drive from where she works, but I can see by the phone records that she was at work, or at least in the immediate area of her work with the "location" of sent messages. None of these messages are to unknown numbers though. There is a hotel across the road from her work.
I was suss on the shaving and the late home already, so I initiated sex that night to see how she would feel about the idea, which one would assume she is not opposed to given the fresh shave, which I must add, is often left for a few weeks at a time for lack of overall importance to either of us about that.
So, we're getting intimate and I was about to "go down" on her, which she is usually all for, but she turned it down in such a sure and certain way that I would have been wondering "WTF?" on that alone, even without the other factors aforementioned as well.
She suggested me watching her with her vibrator instead and then I could give her the ol' in out in out to finish off both of us... seemed a bit minimal to usual standards, but "Oook." I thought...
So, laying at the foot of the bed watching her do her thing, and I shift to get a better view and she almost panics with "not too close!" - thinking I'm going to shift my head right up in her business...
So I think the suspicions are obvious here - She shaved for a meeting with someone and she was late because she was with said person - and maybe I should at least be thankful that she didn't let me go down on OP's leftovers... and she was worried I would notice something if I got too closer look... - or am I just insane?
The other times of missing or unexplained delay getting home:
Then there are the other occasions where similar thing has happened... out with friends, verified as true and location matches... seems all good nothing to worry about.... but then the unexplained delays in arrving home. Never hours on end, just enough time to meet up for a quickie or whatever was on the cards.. Then again, I might be making something out of nothing with this, you tell me?
So, she had been glued to her laptop doing "work" all saturday and saturday night... this occasionally happens so isn't abnormal in itself - Sunday morning, she was out having brunch with her mother and sister in law, when I went to her work bag (carries her laptop and notepads etc) to get a USB cable to charge my phone, when what do I find? A SIM CARD! It was a pre-paid card with a telco she has never been with. I had searched that bag a week or so before this and it was definately not there. A SIM is a big find so believe me its on my "High Alert" list of contraband.
Unfortunately it wont fit any of my old phones or my current due to being a different size, so I begin with a look up of the SIM ID number:
I begin with trying to register the SIM on the telco pre-paid site - I get back the error message "This service is already active!"
So tonight, I contact the telco and give them the story of "found an old SIM card in my stuff while cleaning up, can't identify it or if its still active, can you fill me in on some info?
I provide her details for the ID check (online chat help) and the guy comes back with "sorry, its wasn't registered under your name, could you think who might have?"
That is suss in itself I feel, because:
a) She is a very "legit" person... in the sense that any kind of criminal behavior or not following the rules of the law (like registering a pre-paid card in your own name like you are supposed to) is just not something she entertains without good reason.
or
b) Who's SIM card is it then and why is it in her bag?
So I leave everything as I found it, but take the SIM on the quiet, intending to do some homework on it etc. I am of course keeping an eye out for any strange reaction or behavior when she notices it missing... if she notices it missing - which she shouldn't if its not hers and never used, should she?
Just before the SMS flurry and weird non attentive behavior I describe in my update below, she goes to where her laptop/bag/workspace etc is (our home office desk thing) and I see her digging away frantically in the bag... she looks slightly paniced... I casually ask her what's up and play it cool... she gives some excuse for something she's looking for that otherwise would have been legit and not a second thought, but it was rather interesting that this occurred, especially so soon! Next followed some strange behaviour and intense full attention to her phone SMS'ing - but I wasn't able to do anything except sit back at this point and wait...
So - I began writing this with that being the last bit of the story... but there's now more!
UPDATE - Just found something else whilst running through phone records up to current (can see records in almost real time update on telco login site):
Since finding and taking the SIM card I found on Sunday (its Tuesday morning 3:00am now), I have noticed a previously never seen before number appear during what I remember was a very intense SMSing session on Sunday afternoon - she went to the bedroom and was so busy SMS'ing that when I tried to talk to her I got non attentive answers and made a point about it, telling her "don't worry I'll talk to you when you're not busy sms'ing"
An hr or so later I came inside from working out the front yard and she was still smsing, when I asked who, she told me i was a known friend and filled me in on the friends news about a new job. I checked the records later that night, but failed to recognize the "other" number she was simultaniously smsing during this few hrs of SMS session, because it was very similar to one of her other good friends.
Since 1st appearance on the records to right now, 72hrs later - it has appeared every day and in total 7 times - with most of the messages being Sunday night and one Monday morning (She was working from home Monday though - however, another "hmmm" - she went to the shops up the road immediately after that SMS and guess what... no more records of that number appear... A new SIM card maybe?
One last thing - we were having a pretty casual, open discussion on Friday night and somehow, she brought the conversation round to the topic of one of her friends that was always going back to his ex, who was in a relationship with another friend in their group - and someone else in the group caught them having sex one night when they were having a get together. (hope u can follow that lol!) - which she then brought over to discussing why's and why not's as to why someone would keep going back to someone and even cheat doing it, vs commitment. It was an eggshells conversation and I was being very careful not to react or ask anything probing, because I didn't want her to clam up while she was giving me some personal insight on this rare occasion. It came round to her using a past casual partner of hers as her example of, as she put it, "A guarenteed good ****" - who she used to regularly sleep with, and described a bit more about the dynamic and nature of the relationship. This guy was by the way long prior to us, and is now married... So not really a gripe of mine (last time they slept together 2008 according to her). I have heard about him and their past a little before, but have never seen any evidence of contact with him while we've been together) so he hasn't really been on my "special attention" radar. I was a little surprised that she was talking about, despite keeping it as cool as an ice cube, the mental notepad for anything remotely looking like shade of red in the form of a flag was on detailed scan mode - every single word noted and remembered carefully so I didn't miss anything, or **** it up if something caught my attention... It wasn't quite out of the blue, given the lead in to that part of it, but it was unusual for her because she's usually very reluctant to talk about anything regarding her history with other guys pre-me (fair enough) and she also knows it can very easily trigger me which ends up in me grilling her about the past EA...
I promised myself I would keep this post short… failed that didn't I?
Thanks for your input :)
As you might also see from these past posts of mine, despite some pretty hardcore monitoring of everything that communicates (bar work laptop and just occasional checking of her work phone) things have looked squeaky clean ever since things ended in the previous EA and I often feel like I am an ******* for continuing this insane level of overview when my wife it appears is now the epitomy of perfect.
"Gut Feelings" I agree, are almost never wrong. The gut has never been wrong in my life on much, ever. Except now, I cannot trust my gut, because I don't discount my general paranoia and never ending gut feeling that I should never stop looking. So I need the assessment or sanity check of the following by someone who isn't me, just to see if I should go to Defqon 1, or if I should just relax my alert status back down to getting on with being lucky enough to have a good wife who loves me without being a paranoid ****head and over reading into things?
1st "Red Flag" - A few (2-3) times in the past 2 and a bit months I have had a gut feeling about times she has been either late home from work or out later than expected with friends. Now here's the wildcards on each of these examples that could tip this either way:
First time I was suspect on a late night:
She met my sister (they get along well) and some other friends of hers in the suburb my sister lives, they all went out to dinner and had a few drinks - No problem there, she was without question doing exactly that. Where it skews is that there is a 1hr delay between her leaving my sisters, at a destination 30mins drive away - and an never previously seen number is sms'd x2
Second time:
In her normally so much of a rush routine that she gets angry if I bug her for even a few minutes, she somehow found time and the importance of freshly shaving "down there" - despite not having had sex with eachother all weekend and a pretty solid record of weeknights being occasional, but not the norm.
Late home (by an hr+/-, we live 5 mins drive from where she works, but I can see by the phone records that she was at work, or at least in the immediate area of her work with the "location" of sent messages. None of these messages are to unknown numbers though. There is a hotel across the road from her work.
I was suss on the shaving and the late home already, so I initiated sex that night to see how she would feel about the idea, which one would assume she is not opposed to given the fresh shave, which I must add, is often left for a few weeks at a time for lack of overall importance to either of us about that.
So, we're getting intimate and I was about to "go down" on her, which she is usually all for, but she turned it down in such a sure and certain way that I would have been wondering "WTF?" on that alone, even without the other factors aforementioned as well.
She suggested me watching her with her vibrator instead and then I could give her the ol' in out in out to finish off both of us... seemed a bit minimal to usual standards, but "Oook." I thought...
So, laying at the foot of the bed watching her do her thing, and I shift to get a better view and she almost panics with "not too close!" - thinking I'm going to shift my head right up in her business...
So I think the suspicions are obvious here - She shaved for a meeting with someone and she was late because she was with said person - and maybe I should at least be thankful that she didn't let me go down on OP's leftovers... and she was worried I would notice something if I got too closer look... - or am I just insane?
The other times of missing or unexplained delay getting home:
Then there are the other occasions where similar thing has happened... out with friends, verified as true and location matches... seems all good nothing to worry about.... but then the unexplained delays in arrving home. Never hours on end, just enough time to meet up for a quickie or whatever was on the cards.. Then again, I might be making something out of nothing with this, you tell me?
So, she had been glued to her laptop doing "work" all saturday and saturday night... this occasionally happens so isn't abnormal in itself - Sunday morning, she was out having brunch with her mother and sister in law, when I went to her work bag (carries her laptop and notepads etc) to get a USB cable to charge my phone, when what do I find? A SIM CARD! It was a pre-paid card with a telco she has never been with. I had searched that bag a week or so before this and it was definately not there. A SIM is a big find so believe me its on my "High Alert" list of contraband.
Unfortunately it wont fit any of my old phones or my current due to being a different size, so I begin with a look up of the SIM ID number:
I begin with trying to register the SIM on the telco pre-paid site - I get back the error message "This service is already active!"
So tonight, I contact the telco and give them the story of "found an old SIM card in my stuff while cleaning up, can't identify it or if its still active, can you fill me in on some info?
I provide her details for the ID check (online chat help) and the guy comes back with "sorry, its wasn't registered under your name, could you think who might have?"
That is suss in itself I feel, because:
a) She is a very "legit" person... in the sense that any kind of criminal behavior or not following the rules of the law (like registering a pre-paid card in your own name like you are supposed to) is just not something she entertains without good reason.
or
b) Who's SIM card is it then and why is it in her bag?
So I leave everything as I found it, but take the SIM on the quiet, intending to do some homework on it etc. I am of course keeping an eye out for any strange reaction or behavior when she notices it missing... if she notices it missing - which she shouldn't if its not hers and never used, should she?
Just before the SMS flurry and weird non attentive behavior I describe in my update below, she goes to where her laptop/bag/workspace etc is (our home office desk thing) and I see her digging away frantically in the bag... she looks slightly paniced... I casually ask her what's up and play it cool... she gives some excuse for something she's looking for that otherwise would have been legit and not a second thought, but it was rather interesting that this occurred, especially so soon! Next followed some strange behaviour and intense full attention to her phone SMS'ing - but I wasn't able to do anything except sit back at this point and wait...
So - I began writing this with that being the last bit of the story... but there's now more!
UPDATE - Just found something else whilst running through phone records up to current (can see records in almost real time update on telco login site):
Since finding and taking the SIM card I found on Sunday (its Tuesday morning 3:00am now), I have noticed a previously never seen before number appear during what I remember was a very intense SMSing session on Sunday afternoon - she went to the bedroom and was so busy SMS'ing that when I tried to talk to her I got non attentive answers and made a point about it, telling her "don't worry I'll talk to you when you're not busy sms'ing"
An hr or so later I came inside from working out the front yard and she was still smsing, when I asked who, she told me i was a known friend and filled me in on the friends news about a new job. I checked the records later that night, but failed to recognize the "other" number she was simultaniously smsing during this few hrs of SMS session, because it was very similar to one of her other good friends.
Since 1st appearance on the records to right now, 72hrs later - it has appeared every day and in total 7 times - with most of the messages being Sunday night and one Monday morning (She was working from home Monday though - however, another "hmmm" - she went to the shops up the road immediately after that SMS and guess what... no more records of that number appear... A new SIM card maybe?
One last thing - we were having a pretty casual, open discussion on Friday night and somehow, she brought the conversation round to the topic of one of her friends that was always going back to his ex, who was in a relationship with another friend in their group - and someone else in the group caught them having sex one night when they were having a get together. (hope u can follow that lol!) - which she then brought over to discussing why's and why not's as to why someone would keep going back to someone and even cheat doing it, vs commitment. It was an eggshells conversation and I was being very careful not to react or ask anything probing, because I didn't want her to clam up while she was giving me some personal insight on this rare occasion. It came round to her using a past casual partner of hers as her example of, as she put it, "A guarenteed good ****" - who she used to regularly sleep with, and described a bit more about the dynamic and nature of the relationship. This guy was by the way long prior to us, and is now married... So not really a gripe of mine (last time they slept together 2008 according to her). I have heard about him and their past a little before, but have never seen any evidence of contact with him while we've been together) so he hasn't really been on my "special attention" radar. I was a little surprised that she was talking about, despite keeping it as cool as an ice cube, the mental notepad for anything remotely looking like shade of red in the form of a flag was on detailed scan mode - every single word noted and remembered carefully so I didn't miss anything, or **** it up if something caught my attention... It wasn't quite out of the blue, given the lead in to that part of it, but it was unusual for her because she's usually very reluctant to talk about anything regarding her history with other guys pre-me (fair enough) and she also knows it can very easily trigger me which ends up in me grilling her about the past EA...
I promised myself I would keep this post short… failed that didn't I?
Thanks for your input :)
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment