I have been married 14 years. We have a 12 year old son. My mom got pregnant with me at 16, and I never knew my dad, so I knew that when I had kids, not only would I be married, but I would choose someone who would be a great father. I did my research. He and I knew each other for 6 years before dating. Dated for two years, then engaged for a year. He is VERY family oriented, they are very close. He also was great with other peoples' kids....so I really felt I'd done my homework and not only were we compatible, but he seemed to be everything I wanted in a father for my kids. Well, as it turned out, we were only able to have one. DH is just not "there." My son has told me a few times "I think dad hates me." They don't talk hardly at all, I've never heard DH tell his son he loves him, and I've had to force him to go to any events. I'm now to the point of going to music concerts, school functions and parent/teacher conferences alone. I think he went to a conference or two in kindergarten or first grade...but not since. I always ask. It breaks my heart that he has no interest in his son's life. And, it's greatly pushing me away from DH. I am to the point now where I would rather just have it be my son and I. And this is coming from someone who always longed to know my father, it affected me greatly. So to see this now, breaks my heart. I can't teach my son how to be a man. I'm trying.
We don't sleep in the same bed, room , or even on the same floor anymore. We get along fine. There's just that distance. Although for about the past year, he has lost his temper a few times, usually *****ing about sex, and knowing exactly how long it was since we had it. I told him what our son thought, and that he needed to start making more of an effort to be a part of his life. I told him our son NEEDS him. I also told him I didn't understand why, and he couldn't tell me. I reminded him how close he and his dad are, and asked, doesn't he want that for his son too? Things haven't changed. He up and left last summer, packed a bag and left. I can't do that! I have responsibilities here....I can't just go off. If I ever DO go do something, for a day or a weekend, our son goes to my mom's. He doesn't want to be with his dad, and his dad doesn't want him around I'm sure. I have tried. There was ONE time he made an effort. About 4 years ago. He pulled our son out of school one afternoon with NO notice (I didn't even know!!!) and took him to an event that DH was interested in. My son was bored to tears. We both know that particular event wasn't up his alley. I was glad that he made the effort, but at the same time I was livid that he just showed up at school one day and said he wanted his son. Our son brought a planner home to be signed by a parent every night, and I used to often make DH sign it so the teacher didn't think I was alone. Now, I just don't care. There is nothing left in us.... he doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesn't kiss me hello or goodbye (not done that in years), and I think it's time to consider a change.
Why? Because our son is to the point where I'm afraid he's going to learn this way of living, and grow up to treat his kids like he's being treated by his dad. I think no example at all is better than a bad one.
I can't afford to live on my own, but I am considering figuring that out. Hubby is secretive, he'll take a day off work and not tell me, yet leave at the same time he normally does. I find out later. Oftentimes when I walk by if he's on the computer, he closes out of what he was on. He also deletes the browsing history. I don't go through his wallet or his phone, which he leaves easily accessable, and I don't believe he is seeing anyone. I don't think he has it in him. I almost wish it was, as it would make what I feel in my heart a lot easier to just DO.
I'm looking for thoughts. He will not do counseling. And I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face, and nothing with our son changes.
I'm to the point I don't want to be married anymore. Or ever again.
We don't sleep in the same bed, room , or even on the same floor anymore. We get along fine. There's just that distance. Although for about the past year, he has lost his temper a few times, usually *****ing about sex, and knowing exactly how long it was since we had it. I told him what our son thought, and that he needed to start making more of an effort to be a part of his life. I told him our son NEEDS him. I also told him I didn't understand why, and he couldn't tell me. I reminded him how close he and his dad are, and asked, doesn't he want that for his son too? Things haven't changed. He up and left last summer, packed a bag and left. I can't do that! I have responsibilities here....I can't just go off. If I ever DO go do something, for a day or a weekend, our son goes to my mom's. He doesn't want to be with his dad, and his dad doesn't want him around I'm sure. I have tried. There was ONE time he made an effort. About 4 years ago. He pulled our son out of school one afternoon with NO notice (I didn't even know!!!) and took him to an event that DH was interested in. My son was bored to tears. We both know that particular event wasn't up his alley. I was glad that he made the effort, but at the same time I was livid that he just showed up at school one day and said he wanted his son. Our son brought a planner home to be signed by a parent every night, and I used to often make DH sign it so the teacher didn't think I was alone. Now, I just don't care. There is nothing left in us.... he doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesn't kiss me hello or goodbye (not done that in years), and I think it's time to consider a change.
Why? Because our son is to the point where I'm afraid he's going to learn this way of living, and grow up to treat his kids like he's being treated by his dad. I think no example at all is better than a bad one.
I can't afford to live on my own, but I am considering figuring that out. Hubby is secretive, he'll take a day off work and not tell me, yet leave at the same time he normally does. I find out later. Oftentimes when I walk by if he's on the computer, he closes out of what he was on. He also deletes the browsing history. I don't go through his wallet or his phone, which he leaves easily accessable, and I don't believe he is seeing anyone. I don't think he has it in him. I almost wish it was, as it would make what I feel in my heart a lot easier to just DO.
I'm looking for thoughts. He will not do counseling. And I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face, and nothing with our son changes.
I'm to the point I don't want to be married anymore. Or ever again.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment