I'm trying to understand what may have led to my MIL attacking me a few months ago. I don't know why I feel a need to analyse it, but I do. I'll try to keep this brief.
MIL's life according to MIL:
1) Grew up as the 'unwanted' daughter; the older sister was favoured by their mother, their father was dominated by the mother and worked himself into an early grave.
2) Married an abusive man under duress from family apparently who cheated on her. Divorced.
3) Married another physically abusive man, had my DH, divorced before DH was 1.
4) Was stalked by a man, ran, was taken advantage of by another man while vulnerable, fell pregnant with DH's little sister, he asked her to marry him, she found out he was cheating and said no, he said he only wanted to get her house anyway, he left.
5) Looked after her elderly mother, who apparently treated her badly, her elder sister wouldn't help and just wanted their mother to die so she could get what money/property was left.
6) MIL's mother passed away and MIL's sister and sister's kids stole crystal and valuable coins and abused MIL (her version of events). MIL vented this repeatedly to me, then thanked me for getting her through such a tough time about a year later.
7) About 6 months after the huge drama over the estate, MIL found out her BF of several years was cheating on her and they split up.
SIL sent a coin (just a $20 thing you can get anywhere) to MIL in the same box as a bday present to my son at the end of 2012 while she was overseas. DH and I don't remember what happened to it after we opened the box, MIL wasn't there when we opened it and lived about 4hrs drive away. Early this year MIL asked me very maliciously where the coin was (with her son sitting right there, but it wasn't him she directed the question to), to which I said I didn't know, having hardly any memory of it whatsoever. I refused to talk to her again after that and left. DH confronted her about her treatment of me when she went to leave and she accused me of stealing the coin and giving it to my father (I can only guess because my Dad collects certain coins, the one SIL sent her was not one of the ones he'd even want). We can't find it because most of our stuff is in storage at the moment. After she was done trying to tell DH that he couldn't see me for what I really was, she left, then a wh ile later she messaged him on facebook to complain about everything I'd done that she perceived as a slight against her over our entire marriage (9yrs).
From what she's told me about her life, it seems to me as if she won't take responsibility for anything that has happened in her life. It always seems to be someone else's fault. I used to really feel for her, she'd been through so much, but after a while, you get sick of hearing, 'Oh poor me' stories. If there isn't a huge drama centering around her, she creates one. She creates crimes against her and then attacks the perceived criminal as if it were only her right to do so. We're really starting to doubt the stories she told us about DHs extended family stealing stuff from her now. I think it might be just misunderstandings that she's turned into 'crimes' against her.
I can't really figure it out, it seems like she's delusional.
Edited to add: Just add to that the fact that not once have I ever heard her say anything other than how much of a kind, generous, loving person she is and how if she had any faults, they were that she was 'too nice', and 'too loving' etc. Every time we saw her she'd tell us how other people kept telling her she was too giving, or something along those lines. To hear her tell it, she's an angel that everyone takes advantage of.
MIL's life according to MIL:
1) Grew up as the 'unwanted' daughter; the older sister was favoured by their mother, their father was dominated by the mother and worked himself into an early grave.
2) Married an abusive man under duress from family apparently who cheated on her. Divorced.
3) Married another physically abusive man, had my DH, divorced before DH was 1.
4) Was stalked by a man, ran, was taken advantage of by another man while vulnerable, fell pregnant with DH's little sister, he asked her to marry him, she found out he was cheating and said no, he said he only wanted to get her house anyway, he left.
5) Looked after her elderly mother, who apparently treated her badly, her elder sister wouldn't help and just wanted their mother to die so she could get what money/property was left.
6) MIL's mother passed away and MIL's sister and sister's kids stole crystal and valuable coins and abused MIL (her version of events). MIL vented this repeatedly to me, then thanked me for getting her through such a tough time about a year later.
7) About 6 months after the huge drama over the estate, MIL found out her BF of several years was cheating on her and they split up.
SIL sent a coin (just a $20 thing you can get anywhere) to MIL in the same box as a bday present to my son at the end of 2012 while she was overseas. DH and I don't remember what happened to it after we opened the box, MIL wasn't there when we opened it and lived about 4hrs drive away. Early this year MIL asked me very maliciously where the coin was (with her son sitting right there, but it wasn't him she directed the question to), to which I said I didn't know, having hardly any memory of it whatsoever. I refused to talk to her again after that and left. DH confronted her about her treatment of me when she went to leave and she accused me of stealing the coin and giving it to my father (I can only guess because my Dad collects certain coins, the one SIL sent her was not one of the ones he'd even want). We can't find it because most of our stuff is in storage at the moment. After she was done trying to tell DH that he couldn't see me for what I really was, she left, then a wh ile later she messaged him on facebook to complain about everything I'd done that she perceived as a slight against her over our entire marriage (9yrs).
From what she's told me about her life, it seems to me as if she won't take responsibility for anything that has happened in her life. It always seems to be someone else's fault. I used to really feel for her, she'd been through so much, but after a while, you get sick of hearing, 'Oh poor me' stories. If there isn't a huge drama centering around her, she creates one. She creates crimes against her and then attacks the perceived criminal as if it were only her right to do so. We're really starting to doubt the stories she told us about DHs extended family stealing stuff from her now. I think it might be just misunderstandings that she's turned into 'crimes' against her.
I can't really figure it out, it seems like she's delusional.
Edited to add: Just add to that the fact that not once have I ever heard her say anything other than how much of a kind, generous, loving person she is and how if she had any faults, they were that she was 'too nice', and 'too loving' etc. Every time we saw her she'd tell us how other people kept telling her she was too giving, or something along those lines. To hear her tell it, she's an angel that everyone takes advantage of.
Put the internet to work for you.
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