I'm trying to be a trooper, but repressing this is making me grouchy.
My husband cheated on me (several PAs & ONSs) in 2012. Around May 2012 is the last time we had sex. My desire was pretty dead starting around the time he was cheating (summer 2012). We went a few months with (TMI) oral only. Starting in late 2012/early 2013 I started making a concentrated effort to get our sex life back, but he would only accept oral and wouldn't reciprocate. Fine, I figured I'd keep putting in effort. I kept giving and giving, daily to every other day for months. No reciprocation. (He tried once in Feb 2013.) I asked him to at least initiate with me (make out with me, put my hand there, whatever, just make me feel like he wanted it - make me feel just a little bit chased). Nothing. I was periodically trying to initiate PIV sex, too, but the rejection coupled with the fact that he had PIV sex with multiple other women in 2012 was just too much. I finally just gave up a few months ago. Feeling like I wasn't good enough for anything more than a BJ really hurt.< br />
About 8 mos ago he finally admitted he was/is depressed and began seeking treatment. Unfortunately, no anti-depressants work: he is unwilling to try SSRIs and has had adverse reactions to everything else.
This depressive episode started approximately when he cheated on me (summer 2012).
We have talked about this. He has offered to ask for an Rx for Viagra or Cialis. That feels like duty sex to me though and I don't want to have to ask him to take a pill every time I want to get laid. If he could even just proactively ask for the prescription without being asked to, or if I thought he would take the pills without being specifically asked to do so, I could live with that. But I know him & I know it would come down to me asking him to take one every time I wanted some action.
The last time we talked about this, in early Jan., I asked, what if we go another whole year without sex? And he said, I can't imagine that happening.
Well, we're 1/4th of the way through the year and.... nothing.
We're not "sexless" as in less than 10x a year. It literally has not happened since 2012 except for the BJs I've given.
My lack of feeling desired / constant feeling of rejection is starting to permeate the rest of our relationship. And I feel like crap, because I feel so rejected and unwanted, but I also know his depression plays a major role here, and he has no control over that.
IDK what I'm looking for, really. Venting? Validation maybe, that this is normal and I'm not a terrible wife for being selfish while he's depressed? I just feel... idk. Not great. I feel like I'm his supporter, tutor, friend... but that's "it," that's all I am to him. Like a sister.
I love him. I'm just sad. I miss connecting with him physically. And I'm worried that if we don't resolve this soon, it will be un-fixable. I'm worried that eventually my feelings of rejection will overwhelm the relationship.
Other info - we are both physically healthy/fit, we are young, and it's not a hormonal issue (ruled out medically). We had crazy lots of sex early in the relationship and marriage, frequently including multiple times a day.
My husband cheated on me (several PAs & ONSs) in 2012. Around May 2012 is the last time we had sex. My desire was pretty dead starting around the time he was cheating (summer 2012). We went a few months with (TMI) oral only. Starting in late 2012/early 2013 I started making a concentrated effort to get our sex life back, but he would only accept oral and wouldn't reciprocate. Fine, I figured I'd keep putting in effort. I kept giving and giving, daily to every other day for months. No reciprocation. (He tried once in Feb 2013.) I asked him to at least initiate with me (make out with me, put my hand there, whatever, just make me feel like he wanted it - make me feel just a little bit chased). Nothing. I was periodically trying to initiate PIV sex, too, but the rejection coupled with the fact that he had PIV sex with multiple other women in 2012 was just too much. I finally just gave up a few months ago. Feeling like I wasn't good enough for anything more than a BJ really hurt.< br />
About 8 mos ago he finally admitted he was/is depressed and began seeking treatment. Unfortunately, no anti-depressants work: he is unwilling to try SSRIs and has had adverse reactions to everything else.
This depressive episode started approximately when he cheated on me (summer 2012).
We have talked about this. He has offered to ask for an Rx for Viagra or Cialis. That feels like duty sex to me though and I don't want to have to ask him to take a pill every time I want to get laid. If he could even just proactively ask for the prescription without being asked to, or if I thought he would take the pills without being specifically asked to do so, I could live with that. But I know him & I know it would come down to me asking him to take one every time I wanted some action.
The last time we talked about this, in early Jan., I asked, what if we go another whole year without sex? And he said, I can't imagine that happening.
Well, we're 1/4th of the way through the year and.... nothing.
We're not "sexless" as in less than 10x a year. It literally has not happened since 2012 except for the BJs I've given.
My lack of feeling desired / constant feeling of rejection is starting to permeate the rest of our relationship. And I feel like crap, because I feel so rejected and unwanted, but I also know his depression plays a major role here, and he has no control over that.
IDK what I'm looking for, really. Venting? Validation maybe, that this is normal and I'm not a terrible wife for being selfish while he's depressed? I just feel... idk. Not great. I feel like I'm his supporter, tutor, friend... but that's "it," that's all I am to him. Like a sister.
I love him. I'm just sad. I miss connecting with him physically. And I'm worried that if we don't resolve this soon, it will be un-fixable. I'm worried that eventually my feelings of rejection will overwhelm the relationship.
Other info - we are both physically healthy/fit, we are young, and it's not a hormonal issue (ruled out medically). We had crazy lots of sex early in the relationship and marriage, frequently including multiple times a day.
Put the internet to work for you.
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