Like many of you, I am facing a separation.. Or a divorce. Not sure which at this point. I have been reading through the forums for the past few weeks, and finally decided to put on my brave "face" and post something. My story is similar to many others on here, so I will try to keep it simple. (As if anything is simple these days..)
My husband informed me several weeks ago that he no longer feels committed to our marriage, or our family. He was deep in a depression, and struggling with anxiety during this time, so I was assuming that he was just in a dark place. I agreed to give him some time, and space most of all, and proceeded to back off.
Within 2 weeks he had decided that he was moving out on his own, and going to "clear his head" by doing what he wants, whenever he wants. We tried MC once, and when we were set to return the following week he blew it off, stating that there was no point since he still felt like leaving.
We have been together 7 years, married for 1. Over the years he has had several "breaks" in which he has up and left, and ended up returning when he realized the grass is never greener on the other side. Once or twice there was an OW involved, once or twice there was not. This time, I have no real confirmation, other than a plane ticket to visit "family friends". All of the signs point to OW, especially the entire moving out situation.
Anyways, he has lived on my couch for the past few weeks as he tries to find a place of his own. We have a child together so he stays with her during the days I'm at work, and I go home to her at night.
When we are in the house together, things are good. Sometimes, almost normal. Like yesterday, we had a perfectly lazy Sunday, relaxing and playing outside. Normal, family stuff. Something that gives me false hopes, and something that he KNOWS gives me those hopes. I've always been firm about "if you really don't want to be here, get out". But this time he hasn't gone running out the door.. yet.
It seems as if he's hanging around while he gets everything in order to leave. I wish it was because he was unsure, but I can't keep fooling myself. I've already gone through the intense, multiple week grieving period in which every thought, word or action made me cry uncontrollably.
I am settling into a new "normal" in which I have begun the 180 with the help of TAM. I'm sure it's new to him, because in the past I have been the begging, stalking, crazy woman when this happens. This time, I'm trying to be strong. I know that when we got married, I told him if he ever decided to leave, I'd be done. I'm trying to find that inner strength to follow through on that.
I know he always comes back, so it's hard for me to swallow that I have to be the one to call it quits, for real this time. I feel like the bad guy, even though he's the one choosing to give up on our marriage.
I have found a TON of great advice and support in all of the posts here, and I figured now would be a good time to join. I'm sure it could be healthy for me to hear the cold hard truth, because many around me seem to sugar coat things, or tell me to just get on with it.
My problem.. I am not ready to give up on this man. I understand we've had a rough history, but there is something undeniable that has always brought us back to each other in time. And whatever that "something" is, I know it's still here somewhere.
My husband informed me several weeks ago that he no longer feels committed to our marriage, or our family. He was deep in a depression, and struggling with anxiety during this time, so I was assuming that he was just in a dark place. I agreed to give him some time, and space most of all, and proceeded to back off.
Within 2 weeks he had decided that he was moving out on his own, and going to "clear his head" by doing what he wants, whenever he wants. We tried MC once, and when we were set to return the following week he blew it off, stating that there was no point since he still felt like leaving.
We have been together 7 years, married for 1. Over the years he has had several "breaks" in which he has up and left, and ended up returning when he realized the grass is never greener on the other side. Once or twice there was an OW involved, once or twice there was not. This time, I have no real confirmation, other than a plane ticket to visit "family friends". All of the signs point to OW, especially the entire moving out situation.
Anyways, he has lived on my couch for the past few weeks as he tries to find a place of his own. We have a child together so he stays with her during the days I'm at work, and I go home to her at night.
When we are in the house together, things are good. Sometimes, almost normal. Like yesterday, we had a perfectly lazy Sunday, relaxing and playing outside. Normal, family stuff. Something that gives me false hopes, and something that he KNOWS gives me those hopes. I've always been firm about "if you really don't want to be here, get out". But this time he hasn't gone running out the door.. yet.
It seems as if he's hanging around while he gets everything in order to leave. I wish it was because he was unsure, but I can't keep fooling myself. I've already gone through the intense, multiple week grieving period in which every thought, word or action made me cry uncontrollably.
I am settling into a new "normal" in which I have begun the 180 with the help of TAM. I'm sure it's new to him, because in the past I have been the begging, stalking, crazy woman when this happens. This time, I'm trying to be strong. I know that when we got married, I told him if he ever decided to leave, I'd be done. I'm trying to find that inner strength to follow through on that.
I know he always comes back, so it's hard for me to swallow that I have to be the one to call it quits, for real this time. I feel like the bad guy, even though he's the one choosing to give up on our marriage.
I have found a TON of great advice and support in all of the posts here, and I figured now would be a good time to join. I'm sure it could be healthy for me to hear the cold hard truth, because many around me seem to sugar coat things, or tell me to just get on with it.
My problem.. I am not ready to give up on this man. I understand we've had a rough history, but there is something undeniable that has always brought us back to each other in time. And whatever that "something" is, I know it's still here somewhere.
Put the internet to work for you.
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