Last night I decided to directly discuss the lack of sex with H. We're down to once a week if I'm very lucky, but it's more like once every 10-14 days. If I turn him down (which happened this week due to fatigue), I regret it; he initiates maybe once every three months. The rest is all me.
He was diagnosed Type II diabetic, high cholesterol and moderate BP a yer ago August, and lost 75 lbs, then gained 25 back. he weighs 195-200ish at 6' tall, and had weighed 250 or or so at his highest, for 3+ years. ETA: He weighed 225ish when we married.
After he ducked and dodged a little, I directly asked him if my weight gain had anything to do with his lack of apparent interest in me, and if it had to do with the limited number of positions we use during sex. Then...the long pause. "Yes. Nobody's attractive when they gain weight, but I do still love you and have sex anyway."
That kills me. I got mad and replied "I f*cked you when you were 250. Cut the crap", then I exited the conversation a few sentences later. He really didn't have much of a response.
First, here are my current stats, from a webmd calculator which is a little more comprehensive than the NIH one:
Gender: Female
Height: 5' 0"
Age: 43
Current Weight: 130
Current Pant Size: 12
Weight Goal: Lose 2 pounds per week
BMI: 25.4
Waist to Height Ratio: 0.55
Healthy Body Weight Range: 95 and 128
Target Heart Rate: 89 to 133
Target Caloric Intake to Meet Weight Goal: 1200
I know I'm 15-20lbs over my own comfort zone; my hips and sciatica are telling me that. I also know I'm only 10lbs over my weight when we married 5.5 years ago. I'm improving eating, and not exercising like I should. I'll begin walking today, and we can't afford gyms, etc. No equipment here at the house. ETA: I've been parking at the back of parking lots, and taking my disabled chld out more often, which means loading a 60-lb kid, then his 30lb wheelchair into an SUV.
My weight and body image are mine (and the body image wasn't great to begin with.) But for him to throw this HUGE double standard at me? Total PA BS. It's yet another way he avoids accountability for skewed beliefs (the hypocrisy that he was entitled to sex while obese, yet I'm not at 'mildly overweight'), confrontation and communication.
Throw me ideas; I've been taking weight action for 2 weeks. It looks like I'm toning up but haven't lost weight. (See my perimenopause thread.) I have no desire to have sex with him now. None.
He was diagnosed Type II diabetic, high cholesterol and moderate BP a yer ago August, and lost 75 lbs, then gained 25 back. he weighs 195-200ish at 6' tall, and had weighed 250 or or so at his highest, for 3+ years. ETA: He weighed 225ish when we married.
After he ducked and dodged a little, I directly asked him if my weight gain had anything to do with his lack of apparent interest in me, and if it had to do with the limited number of positions we use during sex. Then...the long pause. "Yes. Nobody's attractive when they gain weight, but I do still love you and have sex anyway."
That kills me. I got mad and replied "I f*cked you when you were 250. Cut the crap", then I exited the conversation a few sentences later. He really didn't have much of a response.
First, here are my current stats, from a webmd calculator which is a little more comprehensive than the NIH one:
Gender: Female
Height: 5' 0"
Age: 43
Current Weight: 130
Current Pant Size: 12
Weight Goal: Lose 2 pounds per week
BMI: 25.4
Waist to Height Ratio: 0.55
Healthy Body Weight Range: 95 and 128
Target Heart Rate: 89 to 133
Target Caloric Intake to Meet Weight Goal: 1200
I know I'm 15-20lbs over my own comfort zone; my hips and sciatica are telling me that. I also know I'm only 10lbs over my weight when we married 5.5 years ago. I'm improving eating, and not exercising like I should. I'll begin walking today, and we can't afford gyms, etc. No equipment here at the house. ETA: I've been parking at the back of parking lots, and taking my disabled chld out more often, which means loading a 60-lb kid, then his 30lb wheelchair into an SUV.
My weight and body image are mine (and the body image wasn't great to begin with.) But for him to throw this HUGE double standard at me? Total PA BS. It's yet another way he avoids accountability for skewed beliefs (the hypocrisy that he was entitled to sex while obese, yet I'm not at 'mildly overweight'), confrontation and communication.
Throw me ideas; I've been taking weight action for 2 weeks. It looks like I'm toning up but haven't lost weight. (See my perimenopause thread.) I have no desire to have sex with him now. None.
Put the internet to work for you.
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