I am a therapist in training and I am getting a slew of couples in my practice for infidelity...
I have extensive training in couples work but not this...more along the lines when they both want to work on it... But that is not what is coming through my door:(
A few surprising things for me to realize:
90% of the cheaters are female up to this point in my practice
The female gender strayers are not willing to work on it. It seems that when they check out and start emotionally bonding with another they completely shut off the spouse, family, and even their children.
The male gender strayers are willing to fight for the marriage and change what ever then need to get the family back and to keep the wife.
**please note I am making generalizations here as I just want a narrow response to help the people sitting before me**
I need to know what is going through the strayers mind... I get the biochemical reactions, I understand the lust stage, but there has to be something that I can do the snap them out of the fog??
[B]Those that have cheated:[B] Why did you do it, what were you searching for, how did you stop?
[B]Those that have been betrayed:[B] Explain your heart ache to me please, I need to understand the rawness of this wound and what it did to you; initially, as time went on, and as you exist today. Can you share why they said they did it? How did it end?
They say only 3% of couples that start out as affairs make it long term... And if I believed all my strayers I have the lucky practice where that tiny percent have migrated too.... arg! It is all the same just different names:(
I understand there is a lot of hate and disapproval placed on the cheater in this forum and I get that fully, however I am in this profession to help and I help the them all: the cheater, the betrayed, and the children.
But how can I help when the cheater doesn't understand the language I am speaking....
Thank you in advance for take the time. You all are so wonderful on here and provide such a sense of strong community and to that and for those that need it I am so grateful to you:)
I have extensive training in couples work but not this...more along the lines when they both want to work on it... But that is not what is coming through my door:(
A few surprising things for me to realize:
90% of the cheaters are female up to this point in my practice
The female gender strayers are not willing to work on it. It seems that when they check out and start emotionally bonding with another they completely shut off the spouse, family, and even their children.
The male gender strayers are willing to fight for the marriage and change what ever then need to get the family back and to keep the wife.
**please note I am making generalizations here as I just want a narrow response to help the people sitting before me**
I need to know what is going through the strayers mind... I get the biochemical reactions, I understand the lust stage, but there has to be something that I can do the snap them out of the fog??
[B]Those that have cheated:[B] Why did you do it, what were you searching for, how did you stop?
[B]Those that have been betrayed:[B] Explain your heart ache to me please, I need to understand the rawness of this wound and what it did to you; initially, as time went on, and as you exist today. Can you share why they said they did it? How did it end?
They say only 3% of couples that start out as affairs make it long term... And if I believed all my strayers I have the lucky practice where that tiny percent have migrated too.... arg! It is all the same just different names:(
I understand there is a lot of hate and disapproval placed on the cheater in this forum and I get that fully, however I am in this profession to help and I help the them all: the cheater, the betrayed, and the children.
But how can I help when the cheater doesn't understand the language I am speaking....
Thank you in advance for take the time. You all are so wonderful on here and provide such a sense of strong community and to that and for those that need it I am so grateful to you:)
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment