Hello all,
I know this is not the first post of this nature. My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married 4, almost 5. We have a 4 year old little girl.
Before we got married my wife cheated on me. Drunken one night stand, I thought i forgave her, we proceeded to get married. Fast forward a year or two. I was having issues dealing with the fact she had cheated on me, in addition to some chronic pain I have I started abusing alcohol. This led my wife to move out in January of 2011. I proceeded to enter into AA and have been sober since February 24th of 2011. Around the first or second week of march 2011 she moved back in and in my mind things were improving. I have worked at the same job for 9 years, I have 3 college degrees (just finished my masters last december), and her career trajectory has been improving as well. I simply stated those things as our home has been somewhat stable even with a short history of alcohol abuse. In the last couple of months she has finally started to communicate with me about what is bothering her. She started off by telling me she hated me when she moved out, that she loves me now but not in the way she should. She claims to hold no resentments towards me for my behavior when I was drinking. Last night she was asking me if I wanted to go to Costa Rica with her and some girlf friends/family in February. We were chatting some about that which then spiralled into I am unhappy in this relationship and you are like a roomate to me. I love you like a friend. She says her heart doesnt feel the love for me and she doesnt think it ever will. We discussed whether or not she wants a divorce, she stated if she did, we would have gone that route a long time ago. I think she is missing her "college, single lady party days" as most of her friends are either single or newly married so they are in the honeymoon stage still. I have asked what I am doing differently now then when we first met and she cant answer, just says I dont have a zest for life. I'm not sure what that means. I"ve asked her to go to counseling, either together or seperate and she doesnt thin k it will help as its a "heart" issue in her. I spend the majority of my time either working or taking care of our daughter due to my wifes work schedule. I truly dont want the marriage to end and have tried about everything on my end to improve the relationship; quit drinking, worked my steps, did my best to make my ammends, work 2 jobs, primary care giver to our child, suggest activities for us to do together, give her space to be her own individual, etc. I don't know how I can get her to see that the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever, love ebbs and flows, but right now we might need some help rekindling feelings for each other. Any suggestions.
I know this is not the first post of this nature. My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married 4, almost 5. We have a 4 year old little girl.
Before we got married my wife cheated on me. Drunken one night stand, I thought i forgave her, we proceeded to get married. Fast forward a year or two. I was having issues dealing with the fact she had cheated on me, in addition to some chronic pain I have I started abusing alcohol. This led my wife to move out in January of 2011. I proceeded to enter into AA and have been sober since February 24th of 2011. Around the first or second week of march 2011 she moved back in and in my mind things were improving. I have worked at the same job for 9 years, I have 3 college degrees (just finished my masters last december), and her career trajectory has been improving as well. I simply stated those things as our home has been somewhat stable even with a short history of alcohol abuse. In the last couple of months she has finally started to communicate with me about what is bothering her. She started off by telling me she hated me when she moved out, that she loves me now but not in the way she should. She claims to hold no resentments towards me for my behavior when I was drinking. Last night she was asking me if I wanted to go to Costa Rica with her and some girlf friends/family in February. We were chatting some about that which then spiralled into I am unhappy in this relationship and you are like a roomate to me. I love you like a friend. She says her heart doesnt feel the love for me and she doesnt think it ever will. We discussed whether or not she wants a divorce, she stated if she did, we would have gone that route a long time ago. I think she is missing her "college, single lady party days" as most of her friends are either single or newly married so they are in the honeymoon stage still. I have asked what I am doing differently now then when we first met and she cant answer, just says I dont have a zest for life. I'm not sure what that means. I"ve asked her to go to counseling, either together or seperate and she doesnt thin k it will help as its a "heart" issue in her. I spend the majority of my time either working or taking care of our daughter due to my wifes work schedule. I truly dont want the marriage to end and have tried about everything on my end to improve the relationship; quit drinking, worked my steps, did my best to make my ammends, work 2 jobs, primary care giver to our child, suggest activities for us to do together, give her space to be her own individual, etc. I don't know how I can get her to see that the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever, love ebbs and flows, but right now we might need some help rekindling feelings for each other. Any suggestions.
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