OK, I am a 44yo male who has been married for 16 years and we have two wonderful boys. I am almost certain that my wife wants out of our marriage but I would like an outsiders point of view. Perhaps my assessment is too harsh or not harsh enough. Here is the story as briefly as possible.
My wife and I ave been married 16 years. They weren't perfect, but thought they were happy and we had a lot a good times and two wonderful children. A couple of years ago my wife changed jobs. She never really liked her new job but felt trapped and without any options. Around the same time I started a new job at a substantial pay increase. She complained about the job constantly and I have always know she was miserable there. I have listened to her and I though been supportive of her, but I admit that after 18 moths of the same complaints and no plan of change I began to get frustrated. We both make decent money, but our expenses are high and we don't have a lot left at the end of the day. Over the past year my wife has become more and more angry with me. She criticizes almost everything I do and really hasn't had much to say about me in months that was positive. Occasionally she would say thank you or appreciate me, but very rarely. I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin and didn't let it bug me too much, but I fear over time she has just lost all respect for me such that now it's impossible for her to see me as a true mate.
Recently she has been jogging regularly and is on a couch to 5K program. A few weeks ago she started seeing a therapist. She did not tell me about it. Last week my wife told me that she is unsatisfied sexually and that she just isn't happy. I should note that I have been having trouble sexually for a while now. I have been to the doctor a few times and I am trying to figure out the problem, but because I was embarrassed I never communicated this with my wife. When I did tell her she thanked me for sharing, but it didn't change her demeanor. She says that she does not want to split up but that she needs to work on herself with her therapist and is not interested in couples counseling.
She repeatedly swears there is no one else, but she meets almost every criteria that typically indicate an affair. She is not wearing her ring anymore, she is no longer comfortable being around me unclothed, she doesn't touch me ever, she is seeking only activities that don't include me and she never lets her cell phone out of her sight for a second.
I feel like she is done and just isn't yet ready to take that leap. If she had interest in saving the marriage she would attend counseling with me. She says she still loves me and hasn't used the "but I'm not IN love with you" line, but it still feels hollow. She doesn't want to hurt me I'm sure, but this slow death is far more painful then simply ending it would be. It's also possible she is worried about the legal ramifications if I found out about an affair. Either way I don't think honesty with me is anywhere in her priorities right now.
Any opinions?
My wife and I ave been married 16 years. They weren't perfect, but thought they were happy and we had a lot a good times and two wonderful children. A couple of years ago my wife changed jobs. She never really liked her new job but felt trapped and without any options. Around the same time I started a new job at a substantial pay increase. She complained about the job constantly and I have always know she was miserable there. I have listened to her and I though been supportive of her, but I admit that after 18 moths of the same complaints and no plan of change I began to get frustrated. We both make decent money, but our expenses are high and we don't have a lot left at the end of the day. Over the past year my wife has become more and more angry with me. She criticizes almost everything I do and really hasn't had much to say about me in months that was positive. Occasionally she would say thank you or appreciate me, but very rarely. I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin and didn't let it bug me too much, but I fear over time she has just lost all respect for me such that now it's impossible for her to see me as a true mate.
Recently she has been jogging regularly and is on a couch to 5K program. A few weeks ago she started seeing a therapist. She did not tell me about it. Last week my wife told me that she is unsatisfied sexually and that she just isn't happy. I should note that I have been having trouble sexually for a while now. I have been to the doctor a few times and I am trying to figure out the problem, but because I was embarrassed I never communicated this with my wife. When I did tell her she thanked me for sharing, but it didn't change her demeanor. She says that she does not want to split up but that she needs to work on herself with her therapist and is not interested in couples counseling.
She repeatedly swears there is no one else, but she meets almost every criteria that typically indicate an affair. She is not wearing her ring anymore, she is no longer comfortable being around me unclothed, she doesn't touch me ever, she is seeking only activities that don't include me and she never lets her cell phone out of her sight for a second.
I feel like she is done and just isn't yet ready to take that leap. If she had interest in saving the marriage she would attend counseling with me. She says she still loves me and hasn't used the "but I'm not IN love with you" line, but it still feels hollow. She doesn't want to hurt me I'm sure, but this slow death is far more painful then simply ending it would be. It's also possible she is worried about the legal ramifications if I found out about an affair. Either way I don't think honesty with me is anywhere in her priorities right now.
Any opinions?
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