I'm 17 and in year 13. I'm on anti-depressants and counselling for various things. I'm gay and I'm a slut (I sleep with anyone at least 5 out of 10), my dad works an awful lot, my mum is dead and I have a phobia of girls.
I don't like talking to girls (I avoid them as much as possible), being near them, even to the extent of not wanting to be served by girls in shops (I drift around until a guy is able to serve). I get upset if girls touch my things (in shops, clothes, food, etc) and I go to extremes, such as bleaching and burning leaflets if a girl puts them through my door. I'd never let a girl in my house, and I'd never choose to spend time with any. From a rational point of view, there are probably girls who are pleasant to talk to, but in my mind, they're all make-up clad bimbos who even if they could be decent, will have nothing in common with me to talk about. Irrationally, I just feel sick when I have to talk to them, just because they are female.
I have two 'friends' who are guys, one is my boyfriend whom I'm in an open relationship with; he's a slut like me. The other is a guy I sleep with who I do friend stuff with sometimes. I feel miserable, even though I choose to live like this. I have 'everything', such as money (my dad is a banker), intelligence (I'm doing 8 A-Levels, and got perfect marks at AS), and looks (I get told, a lot). That all sounds very arrogant (I'm prepared for the negs), but I'm trying to look at the facts from a rational point of view. I drink too much, I have sex with multiple guys a day, every day, because it's so easy to find them. Counselling never helps, pills have never worked (even when I stopped drinking for a while), and I feel miserable a lot of the time.
On the other hand, I can feel happy a lot of the time, rejoicing in my irresponsible lifestyle. My whole school knows I'm a slut, and I feel proud of it. I hated my mum and I was bullied in primary school by a gang of girls. My dad is gay (he had a sham marriage for show), and I get on okay with him and his boyfriend, so home has got better.
I don't know if I need or want to change. All my counselors have been useless; I've never gained anything from their sessions. I have sex for fun and for comfort, and although I've tried to moderate my drinking, I can't eliminate it. I don't know what to do about my phobia, because it is obviously going to hinder me in later life.
I don't like talking to girls (I avoid them as much as possible), being near them, even to the extent of not wanting to be served by girls in shops (I drift around until a guy is able to serve). I get upset if girls touch my things (in shops, clothes, food, etc) and I go to extremes, such as bleaching and burning leaflets if a girl puts them through my door. I'd never let a girl in my house, and I'd never choose to spend time with any. From a rational point of view, there are probably girls who are pleasant to talk to, but in my mind, they're all make-up clad bimbos who even if they could be decent, will have nothing in common with me to talk about. Irrationally, I just feel sick when I have to talk to them, just because they are female.
I have two 'friends' who are guys, one is my boyfriend whom I'm in an open relationship with; he's a slut like me. The other is a guy I sleep with who I do friend stuff with sometimes. I feel miserable, even though I choose to live like this. I have 'everything', such as money (my dad is a banker), intelligence (I'm doing 8 A-Levels, and got perfect marks at AS), and looks (I get told, a lot). That all sounds very arrogant (I'm prepared for the negs), but I'm trying to look at the facts from a rational point of view. I drink too much, I have sex with multiple guys a day, every day, because it's so easy to find them. Counselling never helps, pills have never worked (even when I stopped drinking for a while), and I feel miserable a lot of the time.
On the other hand, I can feel happy a lot of the time, rejoicing in my irresponsible lifestyle. My whole school knows I'm a slut, and I feel proud of it. I hated my mum and I was bullied in primary school by a gang of girls. My dad is gay (he had a sham marriage for show), and I get on okay with him and his boyfriend, so home has got better.
I don't know if I need or want to change. All my counselors have been useless; I've never gained anything from their sessions. I have sex for fun and for comfort, and although I've tried to moderate my drinking, I can't eliminate it. I don't know what to do about my phobia, because it is obviously going to hinder me in later life.
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