Just hit 20 years but...

I wonder if it will last. My wife is a recovering alcoholic. Tried to kill herself in 2009, rehab, we split for a few months, got back together. She has been sober since. 5-6 years of heavy addiction and the wear and tear on our marriage. Add to that she had a 6 mo affair with my best friend during all of that. Sept will be 4 years sober for her and she is doing well. I see the woman I loved back in my life. The problem is our marriage just seems to be well down the ladder on her importance list. Recovery, Religion, herself. It's all focused on her. For our 20th yesterday I had been saving up money for a year to get her something nice. I also got her flowers (only missed 1 birthday, zero valentines, zero mother's days & zero anniversaries in 20 years) and made her dinner. She left my card at work, nothing special. Just Happy Anniversary and thanks for all the wonderful gifts. It's pretty much been this way for 20 years and I try to tell myself it's just not in her nature to be forward thinking and try to do special things. I like to surprise her with nice gifts from time to time. I always went out of my way to make her know I cared. Yet, I barely get any effort in return. Has anyone else dealt with this? I know I am imposing my style on her and I should not expect her to behave as I do. Yet, It would be nice to see some effort from her to show me she loved me after all the crud she put me and our kids through with her addiction. I guess I am just tired of trying. This may have been my last straw at 20 years. No more special gifts. No more extra effort to surprise her with flower. I'll get the cards. I'll buy the flowers but my heart is just not in all the effort when I don't get it in return. :(

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