Ex Girlfriend of 6 Years Left Me For Someone Else (Depression)

I will share my story in brief. With ex for 6 years. I'm now 24 her 22. I got GIGS 2 and a half years in. Initiated a break up. Thought I had fallen 'out of love', loss of attraction. There was no one else, I was just being selfish about wanting to live my life without any tie downs. Being young and dumb After 5 of so months of the 'single life'. , still keeping in regular contact over this period. I didn't lead her on, I still loved her but at the time I just couldn't admit it to myself. Anyway we get back together, communication was poor between us. Her being extremely moody and difficult to handle sometimes. Me being stubborn and stuck in my ways. Anyway our relationship goes on, she comes and stays at my place most weekends, the attraction and bond we have is stronger than ever. Fast forward to December last year and she starts becoming extremely depressed, alcohol binges, cocaine use. She would ring me verbally abusing me one minute, then ringing me crying saying she's sad and doesn't no why, I would question her as to what had triggered this. Suicide Attempt came up shortly after,taking multiple amounts of tablets. She rang me a and says she's in hospital and doesn't no what she's done, I'm distraught, angry, confused. How could the girl I love do this? I couldn't bring myself to go to her bedside, I was being weak. But it would kill me seeing her this way. She attemps it again 2 weeks later with the same method, I rushed to her bedside, she's on drips and looks drugged out her mind. I look at her and could not believe she had done this. I was sharp with her at times, why are you doing this, you've got everything to live for etc. I kissed her head, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Kissed her and left. That day i got home and cried. It was killing me seeing the girl I love destroy herself. She continued drinking binges. Cocaine use. Until one day she rang me, saying she got into debt and couldn't pay the money. Relatively small amount. I was angry, but agreed to pay it. Aslong as she packed her things to come and stay with me for the foreseeable future. She agreed, she came to my home. That day I took her for a walk, we sit on a bench and she begins to cry saying she's turning into someone she doesn't want to be. I cry with her, and we hold each other for a while. She stayed for 2 weeks, I cooked her good food, her sleeping pattern was getting better, these walks continued. At the end of the 2 weeks, I arrange a weekend away for her birthday. 5* hotel, spa treatments, dinner. Amazing weekend, the love was there in abundance. She said we'd been getting on much better and she had a smile on her face as we strolled down the Thames, London. We come home, she makes a point of staying the night, because she knew she wouldn't see me for a week due to work commitments. She goes home as normal. Everything is ok for 1-2 days. Then her replies become less frequent, I arranged the cinema and for us to go and get some proper photos. She agreed to both. Told me to send her what was on at the cinema. She strings me along for a few days saying she's happy on her own, but she just needs space for a while, im not losing her, course she loves me. After a few days of me bombarding her with messages, receiving no replies, she ends it by text. 'I love you but it doesn't feel like enough sorry'. I'm distraught, how has this happened. I continue telephoning, texting, no replies. I go to her home, she comes to the door and laughs and asks me what I'm doing here, we go for a walk and she says she doesn't love me anymore. I try the someone else trick, she says who told you. Red flag. She denies anything has been going on, there just talking. I believed it for a minute. I return home heartbroken. I dig for answers. Turns out a lot of third parties knew it had been going on for anything from 4 weeks to 4 months. I confront her with the guys name and she just says yes and puts the phone down. I send her hateful messages for a week or so. How could she do this?! I message the new guy telling him all about her addiction problems and anger issues. Bad move I no. I then wish her all the best in several messages receive no reply to any. Go full NC. After 2 weeks she initiates, 'how r u'. I reply and bombard her again. Just to seek the closure I need. She doesn't even reply. So I go NC, she initiates again 2 weeks later. Same text. I ignore it. Don't reply for 2 weeks. We exchange a few messages. She says she loves me with all her heart and always will, I said if this was true you'd be with me, she said I love you but not like that, there is a difference. So I said so you love me, but your not in love with me? She replied yes. I've been there in some capacity but not leaving for another girl. I accept this and say we don't no what way happen. The doors open for reconciliation. Do not contact me again unless it's about us moving forward as a future. Full nc. Its been 7 days. I can say I'm actually over her. I want her back yeah. But it's a want not a need, if she doesn't return then I no it wasn't meant to be. She's swapped love for lust wouldn't you agree? Crushed out on another guy. She's receiving the chemicals to her brain she has been lacking, as well as being on meds for 3 months. The honeymoon period is in full swing. They've maybe officially been together for 3 months now. I just wonder if she'll ever realise she made a mistake. I did all i could for the girl I loved in her darkest hour. And she was deceitful for some time. And she left me. When most men would of ran, I stood firm as I knew this wasn't her. She says she's doing good now and is happy with herself for once. Her jumping from one relationship to the next surely is not healthy and shows she's insecure of being alone. Any opinions would be great. Sorry about the long story but it's extremely complex. To sum up. She says she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'. She genuinely will be. But if it's looked at from the outside. Depression, falling out of love with me during depression, put on meds, meets new guy, the chemicals she's been lacking are now there in abundance as she has that spark with him, all she sees me as now is a bad reminder of her depression, he made her feel good, continues to do so 3 months on. Would you agree she's jumped from one to the next because she can't be alone, she's had no time to work on herself because she's putting most of her energy into this new relationship, what happens when the depression does come back, because it runs in her family. Dads a alcoholic in a home, brothers are addicted to pretty much anything from red bull to gambling. I just worry for her I suppose. I love her to death and always will that's why I've made the decision not to have any contact ever again. Those residual feelings will always be present. As she was the girl I was going to marry, have kids with, lose teeth with etc.

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