I don't know how to stand up to my bf...

Hi, I'm a new member here. I hope there are people here that can give me some advice on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We've been living together for 2 months now. Things are generally amazing. He's loving and attentive...99.999% of the time. That other small percentage represents times where he neglects to at least inform me that he won't come home or what he's really doing. I only want to know so that I don't worry that he's gotten into trouble or hurt himself or got mugged or anything like that. I don't suspect him of cheating at all. We're together ALL THE TIME. That being said, twice now in the past 6 months, he has "disappeared" on me for at least the night. He would tell me about his plans of going to a friends birthday or a get together. He sees his friends often, I don't keep him from them. Almost all of the time, except for two instances, he gets me to pick him up when the night is over or at least comes home. These two times where he hadn't called just to let me know what's up (like if he needs a ride or if he's staying at his buddy's), I've found out it was because he did cocaine that night with his friends. He has admit to me that when he got high those times, he didn't know how to deal with it and didn't want to upset me...so I sit here thinking: You'd rather me be paranoid for 12 hours STRAIGHT than to at least tell me that you're alive?!. I even suspected it at the time...I am suspecting this is what is going on right now. ugh... This weekend there is a festival in town that he was excited to go to since he missed it last year. It goes on from today (Saturday) to Monday, and he bought my ticket for the Monday. Since I'm not all into that type of music, I'm 100% ok with him going today and tomorrow with his friends (I'm not jealous or anything). But last night, I drove him to work. He was supposed to finish work between 9-11pm. He didn't know because he was called in last minute. He called me a few times during the night but told me that he couldn't leave yet (he told me the reasons, which were work related). He called me again around 2am saying that he was still stuck at work and that he would call me to come get him (I had agreed to picking him up after work). He said that the latest he would have to work until would be 7am (which is his usual shift). Well, I fell asleep shortly after his 2am call and woke up around 9:30am. I jolted out of bed but then realized that he hadn't even called me to go pic k him up at 7!? My suspicion is that he finished work at 11pm last night but went straight to his friends house, who were having a party/get together. He is going to this festival with these friends, so it makes sense for me to think that he's there. It's 11:30am right now and I still haven't heard from him. I am SICK TO MY STOMACH!! I have no idea if he's even alive or not. I'm not really close to anyone in his social circle so I can't even text one of his friends (I don't even think I would have the guts to do that!). I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be stronger and stand up to him and tell him that I'm NOT ok with this. I can tell him all this but I can't seem to stay mad enough for it to mean something to him. He gives me the sap story and the "I love you's". I'm afraid that if I stay mad at him, he'll just walk away and break up with me. OR that he will just continue to disappear like this when these occasions arise. I try to be as understanding and as empathetic as I can with him. So when he admit his wrong doings in the past, I've forgiven him and told him to just be honest with me. I won't be upset or angry if he's honest. We have such great relationship but this is the one ripple and it creeps back every 2 or 3 months. What can I say to him that will make him realize how much this really hurts me? How can I make him understand that this behavior has to change because it's ripping me apart inside? All I want is for him to just let me know...to just tell me if he's not coming home. At least I would have SOME idea of what was going on! Anyways, there's no way he's going to this festival without coming home first...his $200 ticket is in my wallet!!! Sucker!!!! :lol3:

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