What Is A Hard-Working Husband Worth?

Good morning everyone. This issue has come up before but seems to be a rather hot issue lately. This will probably generate strong feelings, so rather than derail someone else's thread, I'll start a new one. Sex and money issues are among the most harmful, so seeing how they interact seems like a good idea. And, since there have been disparate opinions voiced, hearing the rationales behind them might help foster some understanding. The question: what level of intimacy is earned by a diligent spouse who works hard and provides well? Has this spouse earned a good sex life, a basic one, or none? Why? What emotional or pragmatic factors go into this thought process? The typical scenario where issues exist seems to be a guy works hard and provides a better-than-average life; he also works hard at home. His wife is a SAHM (although sometimes there are no children, or they are school-aged). He is troubled as his wife expects to live well, does so, yet is uninterested in trying to meet his need beyond a basic level (if at all). -------------------------- My thoughts / experience on the issue: I was a hard-working husband who mostly maintained the home and did very well financially. My ex (unlike most of the other women) did work, although her earnings went overwhelmingly to her own benefit. My ex's felt the man should facilitate the woman's happiness on top of meeting the family needs and his own wants. So, having a nice home (expenses and upkeep) is my duty because of her emotional needs (comfort and security). If she had to pitch in substantially towards the bills, I was basically a bum and unworthy to have her around. We've seen this before. Sex was a completely separate issue. Providing a nice life was a "hygenie" factor - enough for her to not resent me. It took more if I wanted sex more than what she felt was the minimum(a monthly quickie) or unless she was horny (which happened only a few times in the 13 years after our first child). I feel you can only get out what you put in. So, you must put much into your marriage to get much out. If you want to be a equal partner, you need to put in equal effort to family and spousal needs. Claiming superiority based on gender or the type of need is inappropriate (and pointless besides). I did not assert that she simply owed me because I had done stuff for her. Rather, I felt I had earned a fair level of accomodation because I had, at her request and for her direct benefit, exerted myself for several hours daily over a period of over a decade. Yet, I could not get her to devote a few hours a week to my needs. I don't think I'm remotely alone on this. ------------------- Any other thoughts?

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