My story

After 3 years of marriage, my husband told me 6 weeks ago he wanted a divorce. This came as a total shock to me. As my husband and I have suffered the "normal" ups and downs, I never thought divorce was an option for us. My husband is from England and I am from the USA. We went through so much to be together and I cannot believe that after everything we suffered to finally be together, that he would be so quick to run away from our marriage, with no effort to resolve the issues we have. A bit of background. My husband is 10 years older than me - he is 46 and I am 36. We do not have any children together but he has a son who is 20 whom lives in England. I have definitely taken the quiet role in our marriage. My husband is extremely passive aggressive with an anger management problem. Over the years, I have been verbally, emotionally, and mentally abused. Anytime that I would "fight" back with regards to anything in our marriage, he would threaten me that he was divorcing me and moving back to England. This was a regular occurrence. After 3 years of marriage, the threats did not bother me so much as he always said it, but never left. In October 2012, I came across my husband's cellphone which he didn't passcode lock and found out that he and a girl whom I thought was a mutual best friend of ours, had been texting inappropriately and they were definitely carrying on an emotional affair. I do not believe they ever physically had an affair as she lives 2 hours away from us and she has a husband and children of her own. Not to mention my husband never leaves the house except for work. When I told him under no circumstances that the be friends anymore, he claimed I could not tell him what to do and that he would continue being friends with her, but the "sexting" would stop. I told her to go scratch and she and I are no longer friends. He never stopped communicating with her through FB and text messages and it has completely killed my self esteem all this time that he would chose to continue being in contact with someone whom I didn't trust. However, I chose to ignore their friendship and tried to be secure in the knowledge that he loved me; not her. You would THINK this whole thing, mixed in with the abuse, would give me the strength to leave him and file for divorce myself, but alas, I still love my husband and thought we could make this marriage work somehow by communication, counseling and spending some quality time together again. My husband is big on only spending time with me when he feels like it. Otherwise, he is in his office playing his music and being on the computer. For the past 6 weeks since he told me he wanted a divorce, he has been hot and cold. We still live in the same home as neither one of us can afford to move out. I am the bread winner in the marriage and the home is my name so I definitely do not want to move out and have him failing to pay the mortgage. One minute he is ignoring me. The next minute, he wants to have sex with me, make me dinner, telling me he loves me and calling me all the cute pet names he created for me over the years. It has been a roller coaster and I finally had enough this morning. When I got to work, I sent him a text and told him that we need to get this process rolling of getting the house on the market and getting the divorce started. I told him my plans of getting a realtor to come to the house, to start moving some of the belongings I do not need to my father's attic and I was canceling some of the joint credit cards that we had, that had $0 balances on that we do not use. He became irate with me and accused me of trying to kick him while he was down and sticking a nail in the coffin to hurt him. HE asked ME for the divorce? So now that I am finally going through with getting my life in order and starting to get things rolling, I am met with anger and fury. I would think he would be happy that I am not fighting him on the divorce and trying to move this thing along. I am SO confused :scratchhead:

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