Vasectomy Guilt

My wife and I have been married for 2 years, and it is the second marriage for each of us. We each have 2 children from our prior marriages, giving us 4 kids under the age of 9. About 6 months ago, my wife raised the thought that she'd like to have a baby together. I expressed some hesitancy (essentially I just said, let's think about it for 6 months or a year and make sure it's what we really want before we do anything) at the idea, considering we're in our mid-30's and already have 4. That opinion did not go over well with her, and she spent the next few months ridiculing me for having "turned her down." The past couple of months now, she's been on the baby kick for a new reason. She's in the military, and is at the point where she's ready to get out, but she has 2 years remaining, and sees having a child as an escape from the military. Perhaps it's just me, but I cannot bring a child into this world for that reason alone. Additionally, I hesitate at the idea of having another child because I fear that it would be me carrying 99% of the load. With our current 4, it works like this: -About 50% of the time, my wife is up and out of the house by 0515, so I'm the one who gets the 4 kids ready in the morning, and takes them to school -The other 50% of the time, my wife doesn't have to be to work until 0900, so she wants to sleep in, so it's still me who is getting everyone ready to go in the morning -After work, I pick up the kids, play with them for an hour or two, and cook dinner for everyone -At this point, my wife comes home and typically provides me advice on the things I've done wrong, or other things that I should have done if I hadn't been slacking off from my duties -I give the kids baths, get the ready for bed time -Repeat the next day Given all of this, I just didn't feel like I could support at all the thought of having another child. Also, given how life had gone previously when I raised even the slightest hesitation to the idea, I didn't feel like I could talk to her about it. She was out of town for several days this week for some military field work, so I pulled the trigger and had a vasectomy, thinking that I would just keep it to myself. It's been 3 days now, and I don't regret the vasectomy at all, since having a child just to get out of the military early is no reason to have a child. I guess I'm feeling a little bit of guilt that I did it without talking to her...however, considering I had tried to voice my concerns several months ago, and it made life a living hell, perhaps I shouldn't be feeling that guilt. Thoughts?

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