The emotional roller coaster

OK, first post. Here's the short version: Married close to 9 years. 1 daughter age 7 and one stepson age 13 (from her first marriage). 3 weeks ago gave me the whole ILYBINILWY speech. Told me she's never been attracted to me. Over the last three weeks has completely detached herself from me and started going out to bars with her male boss from work (around the same age as us, who just found out that his wife has been cheating on him for 6 months). Staying out very late after work, not coming home to help me with the kids, etc. I tried to ask if she would go to counseling with me but she refused. I started digging and found the emotional affair. Called it out. Then yesterday she tells me that she's in love with the guy and slept with him on Saturday. We had already decided to try to work together on the divorce settlement to try to make it as clean as possible, she signed on Saturday and I paid the attorney to get the ball rolling today. I keep the house and daughter because I have a stable job and good income. BUT I'm the one stuck on the emotional roller coaster. I feel hurt, betrayed, angry, all the normal stuff. Rinse and repeat several times throughout the day. She gets to move right on along with this new guy. I want revenge on this guy so freakin' badly. (I know I know, he's not the homewrecker, my wife is, but I NEED to vent this to start getting over it). OK, if that was the short version, you guys are in for it with the long version: Some history: I have been married before as well, right out of high school. Young love, all that, but I was raised to respect marriage and really thought I had found my soulmate. She used me to get out of her parents house. We had one son together, and not long after he was born she left me for another loser. One day when my son was 15 months old, they were moving some furniture from where she was staying to move into the new guy's house. They were not watching my son and he was accidentally run over by the truck and was killed. She married this fckr and is still with him today (12 years later), don't know how/why. So my first wife cheated on me and I still think of him as the guy who took everything (LITERALLY) away from me. Fast forward to now. She says that she married me for the wrong reasons (I was so good to her young son, her parents loved me, etc) and never had the guts to say anything because I provided for them so well and was such a loving husband and father. Says she needs to figure out who she is and take care of herself for a while to prove that she can (but yet wants to be "roommates" with this OM after she gets her stuff out of this house????). She has always been rather.. um.. not sure of the word here.. wishy washy? One month she wants to try this line of work, the next she doesn't. Has an eating disorder. I tried to help her through all of that, even after she lost her parents (long story, they were actually her biological grandparents who adopted her when her bio mother abandoned her), but she tells me she has not been consistently happy for several years. Counselors and meds don't seem to help, because she drinks too much. I thought we still had an above average relationship, but I know part of this divorce is on me. I did not keep myself in shape at all times and went back and forth with weight. The funny thing is I started getting back on the health wagon about 5 weeks ago (so she can't use the "you're only doing that because I said it was over" bit). Lost 18 pounds in the last three weeks. Probably 20 more to go. Anyway, the D is rolling as of today. It is uncontested since she knows she messed up, and I'm glad to be getting my daughter to keep her in a stable home. I feel so bad for the kids since my daughter absolutely adores her brother, but since he is old enough to choose he will probably go to live with his dad (who has always fulfilled his visitation and he and I actually get along fairly well). But here I am, until the kids finish the school year, feeling like a single dad already. With both kids in after school activities, and her either working evening/weekend hours (she's been in a catering job since January), or going out with the OM, I am running myself ragged. But I am a responsible person and will make sure their needs are taken care of. All I can see is that she's already moved on and is planning a life with this guy. I swear if she would just be single for a while and then find someone else, it wouldn't be this hard. ANYONE but HIM right? Why does it always have to be HIM?. I'm sitting here on the emotional roller coaster, taking care of kids while she's out living it up. Same feelings as last time. That this is the guy who stole everything from me. Once again, I know she is more of the homewrecker, but I'm so angry right now it hurts. Then comes the sadness, the regret, all of the usual stuff. The emotional roller coaster. OK. I have said what I need to say. I have read this board for the last three weeks trying to make sense of it all, and I know there is a healthy combination of brutal, no nonsense responses and supportive ones as well. Both are welcome.

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