Haunted by bad experiences :(

Anon for obvious reasons! ok so I've recently broken up with my boyfriend because I didn't have feelings for him. Even though he ticked all the boxes and everything was almost perfect. I've had so many unhappy relationships with guys, things never seem to go well for me from long distance, to cheaters, to friends with benefits it always ends badly with rumours and tears and all that crap. Then this year in January I had the worst experience of my life and I feel like that was the cherry on top. I was sexually assaulted by a guy who i went home with, i really didnt want to sleep with him but i gave in because i didnt want him to hurt me. I was pretty drunk so partly blame myself but i remember saying "no" a lot and he said a lot of nasty things to make me feel bad for not wanting to. No I haven't reported it or anything like that and nothing you say will make me decide to because I'm actually fine about it. I'm not upset at all any more and nothing can be done to change what happened apart from being m ore careful when I go out. But I think it's affected me and I hate it. I just feel so emotionally blocked off. I can't fall for people any more and the tiny amount of trust I had before is just completely non existent now. I think that's why I had no feelings for my ex. I just can't love.... (So cliche) i don't really know what I want people to reply to this, just felt like I needed to tell someone. Feeling pretty hopeless at the moment as I've broken up with someone who was brilliant and I've recently lost a lot of friends as I've been so distant with them. Really lonely and confused I think is the summary!

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