Married and confused

We've been together for 15 years, married for most of them and I wonder if we're at the end of the line. We're both in our early 40's and have 2 elementary school kids together. It's always been my intent to keep our family together no matter how bad things got but she likes to drop the "D" word during all of our recent disagreements and has requested that I take off for awhile on a couple of those occasions (but those are always at awkward times and where am I going to go without planning?). We started going to therapy about 5 years ago when I learned that she was having an online sex chat with some dude and were planning to meet for real. The physical affair never materialized and therapy set us on the right track... for awhile. We used to have boundaries where neither of us could make new friends of the opposite sex. I didn't have a problem with that but a few years later she is talking with at least 3 new guys. This came up in therapy and she said she'd drop 2 of them but the 3rd was ugly and a good friend. Turns out she had an affair with #3 (which she said only happened once) and was carrying on phone calls and emails afterwards. I've always been skeptical that it was just 1 guy, 1 time considering she lied about the 1 time for months when I suspected it and questioned her about it ("no, of course not"). I was lucky to get evidence from #3's wife of all places! So after she copped to the affair (when confronted with the evidence), we spent plenty of more time in therapy. She convinced me not to leave and I didn't want to but my trust in her is not even close to where it should be. I tell her that I trust her, but deep down, I'd have to be crazy to actually do it. Her main issue with me is that I have a hard time communicating my feelings. I try, but it's just not in my nature. So she used that resentment of me to explain the affair. Although we've repaired some of the damage I certainly haven't forgotten and our sex life has suffered-- and it's mostly on me. I guess I'm just not into her the way I used to be, maybe the affair has made her less desirable to me. Over the years she's developed a book of resentments of me-- nothing I do is good enough, I'm not a good enough father, I'm not a good enough husband, my political views are too extreme for her .... we don't like the same music). Of course I take offense at most of that but I'm not supposed to be defensive in our talks. I'm not sure what I should do, stay, leave, wait for her to kick me to the curb? I'm not even sure what I want at this point.

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