when health problems keep throwing obstacles in your way

For starters, thank you to ChrisH for changing the forum to include physical health problems. I think there are too many of us who need some sort of support in that vein and it could be a much needed change for TAM. I suppose this is a complain about my life thread. I don't really expect any advice that will change my situation with any problem solving. And I suppose that's the issue that I struggle with here. I consider myself a smart guy, I like to problem solve and many tell me I give good advice. So, when you reach a place where problem solving does no good, well, you get frustrated and stressed. I guess, if anything I am looking for support, hugs, prayers (even though I am an athiest, I know if you pray then you are thinking of me and care enough about me and my wife to take the time to do that) and some hands to pull me up out of this morass of despair I am finding myself in. For those who don't know- My wife has MS. It's the relapsing/remitting kind. At least it isn't the aggressive sort and overall she hasn't lost use of her limbs, use a cane or chair or gone blind yet. So I guess I can be positive in that aspect. Through the years she has lost sensation in her legs and hands, develops an eye tic in the heat, gets fatigued easily and in the past year or so she is experiencing pain in her legs. Then this past week they found a lump in her breast and it needs a biopsy, cancer is unlikely but it just adds more worry and stress to our situation and feeds into my wife's notion that she is a "lemon" (her words). Currently my wife is on a monthly infusion called Tysabri that seems to be helping with the MS and the plaques it creates on the brain and spine. She also takes a c0cktail of meds for the pain. These are not traditional pain killers as they don't work for neurological pain, so she isn't taking oxy or anything like that. She just got a cream that also helps with the leg pain and she "vapes" weed to help with the pain as well. Me- bipolar (maybe cyclothymic?), currently going through a hard cycle, probably due to the stress I am experiencing lately. Due to the increase in pain this last year, our sex life has taken a nose dive from 4-5 times a week to about 1-2 times. Part of me doesn't care about the dip as I understand how the pain or fatigue kills her drive, but I have always been a affectionate person so inside it is killing me to a degree. Add the fact that my wife is now becoming depressed quite often. So much so, that I am starting to worry for her safety in that she may try to hurt herself. In the past few months I had to convince her to get help on this. I have seen some improvement as of late but now with the lump news I fear she will start to fall again. I know my situation isn't the worst in the world, I can put things in perspective to a degree, but the constant stress is starting to get to me. Having to deal with health issues hanging over us is wearing me down. I want to be strong for my wife, but it's just getting harder and harder. I can't "think my way" out of these problems. It is what it is. And as much as I know that while I can't stop this from happening and should focus on coping mechanisms, it still just lays there like a dark cloud on my brain. It affects my mood disorder and what once was a manageable disorder now seems to be slipping away from my grasp of control. I have to double up my dosage in order to function and it sucks. so there's my pink soft belly exposed for all to see please be gentle and kind

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