Please Help 21 year Marriage going down the drain

Please help me I am spinning out of control. We have been married for 21 years seperated for 3 years with 3 children. I went to her wanting to reconcile she advised me she needed space and it had taken her a long time to get where she was at and didnt want to go backwards. We have had this on again off again thing for 3 years. She advises me she has been talking to someone on the phone he has not been married and never will be marriedas soon as she told me this I knew who it was. I decided to do some checking so one night I went to her house and seen her and him making out on couch then move to bedroom where it started Unfortunately I couldnt stop watching i couldnt believe my eyes my wife obviously enjoying herself with another man who I know.. It took everything I had to not do something stupid but I didnt.. I am a combat veteran and this imagery is haunting me just like the war.. I don't know what to do I want to tell her I know but not sure if I should just wait and see what happens. We have not lived together for 2 years and I am spinning out of control with emotions and some bad thoughts If anyone could give me some advice on how i should proceed I would greatly appreciate it. I love my 3 children and do not want to hurt them Thanks Bhunter

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979