Line crossed and I'm a coward for not walking

I said I was walking last week, I even went down to the courthouse and made sure all my paperwork was in order. He's been abusive for the last year or so with daily outburst and he is totally absent in our relationship for the last 3 years literally gone almost every day off he had. I felt I should tell him about how I was ready to leave and give him one last chance. It went alright for a few days till I ran into one of his drinking buddies and had a conversation that went something like this: Him: hey how are you? Me: alright. Him: Has he (my hubby) been more of a **** to you lately? me: yeah him: I could tell by the way hes been talking about you and his attitude lately Me: he just outta curiosity was he at the bar with you guys the other day cause thats what he told me him: Thats a lie! you know I dont really like the guy or his mentality about women you guys have been together for a while so you know how he is. Me: interesting...I know that Dawn chick works there and I've always wondered about her Him: He probably ****ed her...I know they went to the river with her a few times last summer...with your dog and her dog. Me: he told me he was with you and your dad like every weekend last summer I decided to investigate and called this friends dad and asked him about how often he was with the hubby and he said only 3 or 4 times. I asked him about the bar and he said he doesn't go to bars. So I confront the husband about lying about who he was with at the bar. He had originally told me he was there for John's birthday(roommate of his buddies). Once confronted he admitted to it being Dawns birthday, he said he was just there for a few minutes and never even went in and her boyfriend was there grabbing her booty and all. I took it further and told him what his friend had said about going to the river with her. He swears it was only once and nothing happened, admits to how wrong it was and says all he can do is try to be a better man. He also changed his story about how he meet her. Then he left to kick the ass of the guy who told me this and ended up drinking with them all night. WTF!? If what the guy said was a lie than why would he hang out? If what he said was true, why would he still hang out? The thing is I'm not sure I can get over this. He cheated early in the relationship and I was finally starting to forgive, and as much as I'd like to I have felt in my gut for almost a year, when I first heard of this OW that something happened and this just confirms it in my mind. I was pregnant when all this happened and that just makes it all so worse. I'm so pissed I can't even look at him. He won't talk and I doubt counseling is going to happen hes refused for a few years now. Finally don't even get me started on not wanting to have sex cause that just makes me upset too. Its all so disheartening how the hell can people treat others like this? How have I gotten so insecure with myself I cannot walk? I don't understand the mentality of him or his kind...guess I'm just old fashioned and just want someone to share life with not hide and run from the person I had kids with.

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