If you are not married or newly married - avoid these pittfalls

I hit my limit reading the CWI, considering divorce and the divorce sections of this site. Sadly, I think the majority of the pain and anguish seen in these sections can be avoided by using some common sense, logic and awareness of people in general. Here is a list of things to avoid that can help your marriage - or help you find the right person. I encourage anyone and everyone to add to my list. Learn about the person you are dating - what is in their past? Talk about sexual experiences to ensure you are with someone who is compatible. Do you feel comfortable with his/her family? Even if there isn't that great bond, can you at least respect his/her family? Do they hold values similar to yours? Is the person you are with a known cheater? Cheated on a spouse in their prior marriage? If so...RUN!!!!!!!! Do the two of you hold similar interests, values and goals? Some differences may or not be so bad - like an outdoors person marrying an inside person - but some differences can be too difficult to overcome. Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Don't clam up! If something bothers you - be up front about it and confront it head on. Don't allow it to fester so that resentment builds up. Mutual respect is critical. If you can't respect your spouse/SO, can you fix it? If not, leave now. Don't take any sh!t. Be nice, be fair, be happy in general. But if your spouse or SO tries to take adviantage of you - don't take it. Don't be a guilt acceptor (and don't be a guilt thrower either). You have to be attracted to the person you are with physically. If not, don't do it. If you can't stand the sight of him/her in an intimate way, but everything else is "great"...trust me, it isn't really "great"... ...which relates to this point: SEX, and lots of it. You need it for a healthy, rewarding relationship. So long as both of you are physically healthy enough to have it - DO IT! Privacy is like poison to a marriage. Unless you are using the toilet - literally evacuating human waste - then no privacy should be tolerated. No, this does not include your spouse running into the bathroom in order to text his/her AP. Full transparency in all written and spoken communication. No secrets in a marriage. Boundaries must be acknowledged, discussed and enforced. No GNO's to dance clubs that last until 3 am. No guys weekends where the goal is to bar hop and get sh!t faced. No former BFs or GFs should be allowed to be friends with you or your spouse/SO. Kids: love them, support them, nurture them and be there for them. But this does not mean that you forget your spouse. You two may be moms and dads, but first you were husband and wife. Don't ever forget that.... ...which leads to this: continuously date each other. Sure you can relax your guard around each other, but at the same time you need to keep the romantic love fires burning strongly. Sometimes beer, pizza, sweats and a movie night at home is cool. But sometimes, going out on the town to dance as a couple is important too. Just my list of the things my wife and I try our best to do. I'm sure I missed plenty of other items. After awhile, I get steamed reading the other forums where people wonder "how did it all go wrong?" "why did he/she lose attraction for me?"... If we use our brains and apply some common sense, we can minimize the chances our marriages go south. Sorry guys, my frustration runneth over...

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