My story: Separated

I have been reading these forums for a few weeks now. So here is my story. I am 39 my wife is 34, we don't have any children. we've been married for 9 years but together for 13. About a year ago we started drifting apart. I began to focus more and more on my work and didn't hang out with people as much, while she began spending more and more time with coworkers and other people. I was emotionally distant, socially unengaged, and it clearly took a toll on our relationship. By the time we entered MC last fall, she had already started an EA with a coworker, though she denies that is what it is, since she says they only talked about appropriate things, and never about her marriage problems or her feelings about the guy. During the past 8 months of marriage counseling, she has remained distant. I was slow to warm up to the counseling myself, seeing her as one of the problems. I am close to completing a degree that will require us to move away from our current location so I can get a job that pays well. She's not too excited about moving with a guy who is distant and unengaged, and leaving her social safety net behind, not to mention this potential other guy. There were a lot of flare ups over the past 8 months, but about a month ago things came to a head when I talked with her EA man and told him to back off. My wife packed some of her things and left, saying I had emotionally abused her. I definitely blamed her for most of our problems and didn't really see my own self-centered actions clearly until recently. She still talks to the other guy since I can check my phone records and see that. I am in IC and working on making new friends. It hurts a lot. I have lost 15 pounds or so (I am in good health and physical condition, but 15 pounds is a lot for my frame). She and I talk periodically, but I have limited my contact with her for now. I canceled going to a party we were both invited to and went to a friends in another city for the weekend instead. I was afraid I'd see her there talking to that other guy or even afraid she'd just ignore me basically. No need to go through that kind of pain. We were supposed to have lunch today to talk, but I canceled that as well to stay away, as I was afraid I'd just be grumpy and unpleasant. No need to let her see I am upset is my thinking.

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