Husband refuses to stay out of family's financial problems

Ok, here is the story. Today, my husband got a called from his mom's sister, telling him that his mom got a notice in the mail saying that the bank is going to sell her house to pay for back taxes. Apparently, for the past 3 years, his mom hasn't been paying taxes on her house. She lives there with her 18 year old son, who is a senior in high school. Neither one of them have jobs. Their only source of income as a social security check, which she started receiving several years ago after her husband died. We've known shes been having trouble with her house for a while. A couple months ago when we were at her house, we saw a man outside taking pictures... he said he worked for the bank. When my husband asked her why theres a man from the bank taking pictures of her house she admitted that she "thought" she was a month late on her payment. Well since my husband's aunt lives on the same property as his mom's house, she decided that if his mom couldn't afford the payments, that she would take over payments for her.... Because if his mom loses her house, that means his aunt will lose her house too... and she didnt want this to happen. So she agreed to take over payments. I was hopeful that this would solve the problem and this would be the end of it. Unfortunately, I was wrong. My husband's mom failed to tell us that she hadn't been paying taxes for the past 3 years, and so, now she is about to have her house taken from her, and so will his aunt. The only way out of it is if they can come up with $5000 to give to the bank. Of course, his aunt doesn't have the money, neither does his mom, and apparently none of his other family members either. So my husband's aunt calls him, I guess hoping that we would have the money. Sadly we dont have $5000 laying around and even if we did, I wouldn't give it to them. Frankly, its starting to get on my nerves that everytime something is going on with that house, my aunt always calls my husband and tells him about it. We live in North Carolina, they live in Georgia.... we're 400 miles away. We don't live in that house, we don't live anywhere near there, we have our own problems. We aren't burdening them with them, so why is it fair that we should have to be burdened with theirs? We didnt get them into that situation so why should it be our responsibility to get them out of it? My husband's mom has a drinking problem, and for the past several years my husband has been trying to get her to get a job. She says she wants one but yet it doesn't look like shes putting much effort into getting one. She missed a couple of her house payments a few years ago and owed the bank $1000... my husband was making more money at that time, and we had the money in the bank, so he gave it to her so she wouldnt lose her house, even though I told him I didnt approve. He said it was only a "one time thing" and that she just made a mistake... and that it wouldnt happen again. I knew right then that it wouldnt be the end of it.. and I was right. Here we are a few years later, and his moms in the same predicament, about to get her house taken away and wanting someone to bail her out. I wouldn't have had as much of a problem giving his mom money if it truly was a one time thing, but Im sure as hell not going to support someone who is fully capable of supporting themselves. The thing is, my husband acknowledges that theres no help for his mom and that the only person that can change her is herself. As of right now, she doesnt realize that she has a problem... and as long as people keep handing her money, shes not going to realize it. I think maybe if she loses her house and hits rock bottom, maybe itll be her wake up call. The thing I dont understand is that my husband will say something like this... and then he will turn right around and talk about taking out a loan for $5000 so she wont lose her house. When he got off the phone with his aunt today, he told me that maybe his brother would could take out a loan for the money if he doesnt have it. He told me that his brother has no credit.... he pays everything with cash, he has no car loans, no credit cards, nothing... so how is someone with no credit going to get a $5000 loan!?? He mentioned that if he needed to, he could cosign with his brother. My first thought when he told me this was.... Are you kidding me????!! He has had bad experiences before when it comes to cosigning with people so you'd think he would have learned his lesson. My husband and I have only been married for almost 3 years, we are currently living in my parent's rental house. My parent's do well financially, and since they dont necessarily need the money, they offered to let us stay here for rent free for the next few years so that we can save up money quicker and use it to put as a down payment on our own house. I feel like my parents are giving us this great opportunity that we SHOULD be taking advantage of but at times I feel like my husband is just completely wasting it. I can't help but think to myself, how are we ever going to get our own house or get anywhere in life if my husband doesn't learn to separate himself from his family's financial situations? Correct me if Im wrong but when you get married, aren't you supposed to put your spouse first? If my husband gets a loan with his brother, and his brother ends up not being able to make payments (which wouldnt surprise me at all), then we're going to be responsible. Thats money that we could be saving to put towards a house, and instead its going toward his mom and aunt's house. And I just about guarantee you, in a few years from now, shes going to be in the same situation. Whats he going to do then? Take out another $5000 a loan? Not to mention, if for whatever reason we can't pay the payment, its going to screw up his credit. His logic is "Well we still have your credit. We should still be able to get a house with our combined income as long as yours is good". Its true that my credit is decent, and we'd still probably be able to get a loan on a house with my credit alone, but Im pretty sure we'd get a better deal and our chances would be increased if both of us had good credit. He just recently got his motorcycle paid off, and Im excited about that because it was costing us an extra $200 a month or somewhere around there. We even got our cable cut off which is saving us another $100.... but Im starting to wonder whats the point in trying to save money if everytime we get rid of a debt, hes just going to go out and add on another debt. He says he thinks that it would be fine and that his brother would be able to make the payment.... somehow I doubt that, and if he doesn't make the payments then we're screwed. Then we have two options... either we pay it, or let it mess up my husband's credit. Is it really worth the risk? It certainly isn't to me. Im trying really hard to not spend money, in hopes that someday my husband and I can get out of here and get a place of our own... but it just doesnt seem like hes on the same page. I'm just worried that 10 years from now, we're still going to be here, and still not have any money because my husband is too busy trying to take care of his family's problems. He already went against my wishes the first time that he gave his mom money... but if he does this, despite knowing that I don't approve, thats really going to cause problems for us. He fails to realize that whenever he does things like this, it effects me just as much as it effects him. Ive talked to my parents about this and they've both agreed that they would never cosign with anyone without their spouse's consent. They said something like this isn't something to be taken lightly and that it should be a joint decision. If I wanted to do something like this and my husband disagreed, I absolutely would not do it... because my husband is the most important person to me and its not worth causing problems between us. Its getting to the point where I just dont see us being together much longer if he keeps disregarding my feelings, and putting his family before us. Ive been putting up with it for a while, but I can't put up with 10 or 20 more years of this. Something is going to have to change. I really have been trying to be tolerant of his family and Ive been trying my best to be as lenient as possible, but this is something I just can't ignore and keep quiet about. His mom hasnt been paying taxes for 3 years for crying out loud... she has known all this time, that this was going to happen.... yet over these 3 years, she has been doing absolutely nothing. She hasnt gotten a job, it doesnt even look like shes tried to save money... it looks like she blows every penny that she has on beer and cigarettes. Last time I visited her, she sent me and my husbands aunt out to the store to buy a 12 pack of beer.... it was maybe a day later and she was already sending his aunt out to get more. She could have cut back on the cigarettes and beer, and I am almost positive she could have saved up $5000 by now. I just think its completely unfair that my husband and I should be expected to help someone who isnt even doing anything to help themselves. I get the feeling that my husband almost thinks its greedy to save money. Its not greedy... if everyone in the world blew every cent they made and had no desire to save it, noone would have anything.... Peopl e who save their money and accomplish their goals should be PROUD of themselves... not feel guilty about it.. and certainly not feel obligated to give money to people who don't deserve it. I'm not trying to bash his mom... I'm just telling you how it is. Trust me, it doesn't give me pleasure in knowing that she has no self control or sense of how to manage her money... I'd love more than anything in the world to know that she is self sufficient and to never have to worry about her needing money from us ever again. My husband likes to make up excuses for her... and I don't blame him. Im sure its very embarrassing and probably painful to see your own mother drinking constantly and making such foolish decisions. But the fact is, my parents didnt have easy lives either. They grew up poor, my mom was physically and emotionally abused, my dad's father (stepfather or whatever you want to call him) was an alcoholic. When my dad was 13, his mom told him that the man who he called his dad, was actually not his biological father. My parents childhoods certainly weren't all sunshine and rainbows... but instead of feeling sorry for themselves they had the strength to rise above that. So just because his mom had a tough life, doesn't make her any different from anyone else, and it certainly does not excuse her behavior or her decisions. I think my husbands just trying to find a way to rescue his mom but I keep trying to tell him that its never going to end. There are some people that you just can't help. She hasnt changed since the last time my husband gave her money and she isn't going to change this time either. Like I said, I think the only thing that will possibly snap her into reality is if loses everything and she hits rock bottom. I dont know where his mom and aunt are going to live but its not my problem and I'm not going to stress about it. They should be able to figure something out between themselves. Theres no reason to drag us into it when we have nothing to do with the situation and we have our own problems. If my husband does this, all I can say is he better not be surprised when we start to have problems because of it later on down the road... theres only so much that one can put up with before they get fed up. If he wants to keep supporting his family and not have to consult anyone about it, he doesnt need to be married. He just needs to be single and go live with his family and take care of them... and let me be on my way so I can find someone who will put our marriage first, so that we can actually get somewhere in life. What would you do if your spouse cosigned with someone despite your disapproval? Knowing what Ive told you about the situation, do you blame me for not wanting him to do this? Is there anything that I can possibly say to get through to him?! Please, no rude comments. Be honest but please don't be rude. I'm just sincerely concerned about us and our future together and I want our marriage to last. Thank you for your time.

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