I just found this forum and I wish I had found this years ago!
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. Before marriage our sex life was great. She was open and seemingly uninhibited. I knew I was up for a challenge when she did not want to have sex on our wedding night and then on our honeymoon for two weeks in Hawaii she said there was no need for us to have sex every day. I responded that there seemed to be no reason to not have sex everyday on our honeymoon.
Long story short, we have three kids and (aside from the sex) have a good marriage. My wife has stayed at home with the kids for the past 12 years. In no way do I mention that as a way of saying she does not work because she has tons to do with three busy boys!
It just comes down to the sex. She is not very comfortable with her sexuality (even after 18 years of marriage). Over the past 2 years my bitterness and resentment has reached really high levels. I question why I even work hard to provide for everybody in a family where I am not appreciated and desired. I keep myself in good shape, have turned down numerous opportunities from other women but I can't get my wife interested in me.
She has a very difficult time reaching orgasm with me. She can through oral sex though only if she is in the right mood.
Before kids, she would permit me to go down on her but now she refuses and tells me I just need to get over it. I really don't want to get over it because I feel one of my duties is to please her physically. Not to mention, it is such a turn on to see her enjoying herself and letting loose!
We do have sex about 2 times a month (which is way, way less than I need) but I just feel like she is agreeing to it to please me. The whole act is aimed at me finishing rather than enjoying each and making each other feel desired, attractive and loved.
I don't want to leave the marriage but over the past year I have been fantasizing about having an affair. I have not done that and I do not want to, but the current state of our sex life has left me depressed and feeling lonely in a house of 5 people. I feel isolated and unloved. I don't like it.
I have been talking to her more and more about it and she is really trying but she is just not comfortable. A few days ago we had sex and she got on top and I told her that she looked "so damn sexy". As an aside, she is gorgeous and should (rationally) have no problems or issues with her body or whether she does look sexy.
But me telling her that she looked sexy made her uncomfortable; she rolled over and had us continue in missionary.
I am so bummed out about it and I don't want to sound petty but I have a high sex drive and I think sex in marriage should be fun for both spouses. Right now I feel like I am offered pity sex. I want her to allow me to go down on her and have her orgasm. Maybe then, she will like sex better.
Any suggestions would be welcome! Sex counseling maybe? Thanks!
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. Before marriage our sex life was great. She was open and seemingly uninhibited. I knew I was up for a challenge when she did not want to have sex on our wedding night and then on our honeymoon for two weeks in Hawaii she said there was no need for us to have sex every day. I responded that there seemed to be no reason to not have sex everyday on our honeymoon.
Long story short, we have three kids and (aside from the sex) have a good marriage. My wife has stayed at home with the kids for the past 12 years. In no way do I mention that as a way of saying she does not work because she has tons to do with three busy boys!
It just comes down to the sex. She is not very comfortable with her sexuality (even after 18 years of marriage). Over the past 2 years my bitterness and resentment has reached really high levels. I question why I even work hard to provide for everybody in a family where I am not appreciated and desired. I keep myself in good shape, have turned down numerous opportunities from other women but I can't get my wife interested in me.
She has a very difficult time reaching orgasm with me. She can through oral sex though only if she is in the right mood.
Before kids, she would permit me to go down on her but now she refuses and tells me I just need to get over it. I really don't want to get over it because I feel one of my duties is to please her physically. Not to mention, it is such a turn on to see her enjoying herself and letting loose!
We do have sex about 2 times a month (which is way, way less than I need) but I just feel like she is agreeing to it to please me. The whole act is aimed at me finishing rather than enjoying each and making each other feel desired, attractive and loved.
I don't want to leave the marriage but over the past year I have been fantasizing about having an affair. I have not done that and I do not want to, but the current state of our sex life has left me depressed and feeling lonely in a house of 5 people. I feel isolated and unloved. I don't like it.
I have been talking to her more and more about it and she is really trying but she is just not comfortable. A few days ago we had sex and she got on top and I told her that she looked "so damn sexy". As an aside, she is gorgeous and should (rationally) have no problems or issues with her body or whether she does look sexy.
But me telling her that she looked sexy made her uncomfortable; she rolled over and had us continue in missionary.
I am so bummed out about it and I don't want to sound petty but I have a high sex drive and I think sex in marriage should be fun for both spouses. Right now I feel like I am offered pity sex. I want her to allow me to go down on her and have her orgasm. Maybe then, she will like sex better.
Any suggestions would be welcome! Sex counseling maybe? Thanks!
Put the internet to work for you.
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