My husband and I went a year without sex (read story below for reasons why). After that he started forcing me to have sex with him. He would grab me and pull my clothes off. It hurt terribly because my body wasn't ready/wet and I would bleed. It hurt just as much emotionally. He wouldn't stop even when I was crying. One time I even passed out. He didn't bother to notice. This happened for quite a while. I started seeing a therapist about it, but she told me "of course you have to have sex with your husband!"... So I thought I was the one in the wrong. I eventually went to see another therapist, she had helpful things to say and got my husband and I talking about the sex issue and also his controlling behavior. So now he doesn't force me to have sex with him because I've explained how damaging that was to me (the forceful part). However, he makes me feel so intensely guilty for not having sex with him when I do turn him down. I usually turn him down because I don't feel safe. Also we go the whole evening not interacting (he watches tv for hours) why would I suddenly want to have sex with him once he gets into bed? I don't understand that. If we're not even having conversations/interacting I really don't know how I'm going to magically come up with a reason to have sex. We have no relationship connection so why does he think there's going to be a sexual connection? Also, if he wants to have sex he shouldn't use such lame pick-up lines like "hey I want to check your body for bug bites" (he used that this week), telling me that we're having sex tonight (he's not asking it's still kind of a command, also not spontaneous), and telling me which sexy outfit to wear to bed when I don't feel sexy or want to have sex with him.
I want to work things out with him, but I don't know how. I resent him. I even hate him some days. I've talked to him about how I feel regarding sex but when I talk about anything he's done wrong he gets so dramatic. If I stop talking about it he forgets how I feel. It's like he doesn't understand how I could possibly not want to have sex with him. On top of the emotional issues, sex with him just isn't very good anyway. We can never keep rhythm, his teeth hit me when we kiss, his breath somehow manages to be bad even after mouth wash, I don't orgasm, he gets soft some while he's in me, he says the weird things during sex and after sex he wants to analyze everything we did like a sports review. It's so awkward. He knows we have sex problems and yet when we do have sex, right before we start he like "oh oh let's do 69 or anal or something!". I'm barely able to emotionally handle having mundane sex with him, so when he says that I'm face-palming myself in my mind. lol. ugh.
Seriously, I need help. What can I do? My relationship is falling apart so fast.
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A little background history: I got married at 18 because my now-husband kept constant pressure on me about being "together forever". I'm a people pleaser and wasn't very relationship-smart at the time. I did say no the first time he proposed (we had only been dating a half of a year) but I eventually gave in. Later on he told me he tried to get me pregnant on purpose so we would stay together. Creepy. I didn't want children at all. One month I had run out of BC pills so we were using condoms and after sex he says "I hope it's okay I didn't use a condom?" and boom, I had a baby. He had a good job and then started flaking on it, saying it was "boring" and eventually quit. He forced me and my newborn baby to move back into his parents house (still filled with all his siblings btw) so he could go back to college and get a different degree. Before he quit and we moved I told him this will ruin our relationship, but he said "Oh it'll be fine". While I lived there his mother in law would say incredibly cruel things about me. I was sleep deprived from taking care of a baby, I had postpartum depression, unhappy about my living situation and depressed about my relationship. His mother just thought I had a bad attitude and wanted to smack it out of me. While I was living there I hardly even saw my husband, he was off playing with his brothers. He never helped me with the baby. His brothers were in the house doing drugs and bringing girls home to have sex with. I grew up very sheltered so this was culture shock for me. Once when I had to stay over-night in the hospital one of them robbed my room for drug money and his parents said it was my fault for leaving my things out (in my own room). During this time my husband and I didn't have sex for a year. And that's where my current problem started.
I want to work things out with him, but I don't know how. I resent him. I even hate him some days. I've talked to him about how I feel regarding sex but when I talk about anything he's done wrong he gets so dramatic. If I stop talking about it he forgets how I feel. It's like he doesn't understand how I could possibly not want to have sex with him. On top of the emotional issues, sex with him just isn't very good anyway. We can never keep rhythm, his teeth hit me when we kiss, his breath somehow manages to be bad even after mouth wash, I don't orgasm, he gets soft some while he's in me, he says the weird things during sex and after sex he wants to analyze everything we did like a sports review. It's so awkward. He knows we have sex problems and yet when we do have sex, right before we start he like "oh oh let's do 69 or anal or something!". I'm barely able to emotionally handle having mundane sex with him, so when he says that I'm face-palming myself in my mind. lol. ugh.
Seriously, I need help. What can I do? My relationship is falling apart so fast.
-----
A little background history: I got married at 18 because my now-husband kept constant pressure on me about being "together forever". I'm a people pleaser and wasn't very relationship-smart at the time. I did say no the first time he proposed (we had only been dating a half of a year) but I eventually gave in. Later on he told me he tried to get me pregnant on purpose so we would stay together. Creepy. I didn't want children at all. One month I had run out of BC pills so we were using condoms and after sex he says "I hope it's okay I didn't use a condom?" and boom, I had a baby. He had a good job and then started flaking on it, saying it was "boring" and eventually quit. He forced me and my newborn baby to move back into his parents house (still filled with all his siblings btw) so he could go back to college and get a different degree. Before he quit and we moved I told him this will ruin our relationship, but he said "Oh it'll be fine". While I lived there his mother in law would say incredibly cruel things about me. I was sleep deprived from taking care of a baby, I had postpartum depression, unhappy about my living situation and depressed about my relationship. His mother just thought I had a bad attitude and wanted to smack it out of me. While I was living there I hardly even saw my husband, he was off playing with his brothers. He never helped me with the baby. His brothers were in the house doing drugs and bringing girls home to have sex with. I grew up very sheltered so this was culture shock for me. Once when I had to stay over-night in the hospital one of them robbed my room for drug money and his parents said it was my fault for leaving my things out (in my own room). During this time my husband and I didn't have sex for a year. And that's where my current problem started.
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