After 3 years together (with a 4 month split in the middle) I got married in June of this year. I am 35, she is 32. In the meantime, I switched careers. I am C-Level executive, and decided to partner with a well respected guy from the industry to start a new company. My wife, soon to be ex wife, has always been a sort going out type of person. I wouldn't say a "party or club" girl, but more had to be at a bar every night. She is basically an alcoholic, and has to have at least 3 or 4 beers every night, and many nights it's in the 15-20 range. We had our issues, but always worked through them. Lots of bickering and a few bigger fights. Well, she has some friends that I believe (although I never really mentioned it to her to stop a fight) are just bad people. They are young, reckless, filled with Drama, and are not the kind of people to "help" if someone is having problems.
With my career change, was the opportunity to move. She had stated a few times she wanted to move away from Dallas. She was wanting to get friends more our age, that we would both like. In discussing with my business partner, and me being COO, the decision was made that we would move to Indianapolis (where he and the business are located). This decision was made in mid-October. We were going to move in December, as it is dead time in the industry.
She wasn't extremely excited about the move, but it was on a day by day basis. She would be excited for the new location and new things.... then be scared of it. These are understandable. We visited Indy in late Oct and picked a house for us to rent. Much bigger than needed, but I wanted her to feel comfortable and happy.
Then ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. In the last two weeks before the move (around thanksgivig) she went out every night and didn't come home. She was staying with her friend, a female, and one I mention above as just bad news. One night she got in a bar "we'll say... disagreement" and fractured two of her ribs. I expressed my concern and tried to talk to her multiple times. I suggested counseling, and she refused. She was just extremely distant and didn't want to talk about anything. 2 nights after the ribs, I asked her about what her plans were (I had plans with friends). I directly said, please let me know if you aren't coming home. I get worried when I don't know where you are." She said she was going to a movie and back after that. Well 4AM came around and she finally got home completely smashed.
Next day (sat b4 thanksgiving), had lunch with friends at around 2. She woke up at 1, cracked a beer, and smoked a bowl. I have no issue with weed, but just couldn't believe it started that quickly after getting up. We met the friends, and although I wanted to go home about 10, we stayed out until about 1:00 AM (drinking the entire time). When we got home she said she needed a bath and drank a few glasses of wine. We got in a bit of an argument, and she was picked up by her friend she had been staying with. Last thing she said was that she would tell me after Thanksgiving if she was moving. Next day I talked to her sister that I'm close with. Explained what was going on, and how scared I was...for the marriage and for her well being. Her sister got ignored as my wife told her it "wasn't her problem" She went to her families for Thanksgiving.
When she got back it all started again. I kept thinking that if we could just get to Indy, we would have some sort of fresh start. On the road trip, it wasn't fun. About an hour outside of Indy, she told me she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. That was the last straw. I could take no more. I had handled everything (selling the house, getting new one, handling the move, and also on top of it starting a business). She did none of it. She was officially moving back to Dallas, and so I told her i would not have a 14 hour time difference marriage, and we should get divorced.
We arrived in Indy on 12/7. As planned before she went to Detroit for work for one week. The movers split our stuff up my pile vs her pile. I've contacted the lawyer, and through emails, we have everything legally basically taken care of. How everything is split, etc.
Today is going to be hard. She is coming to pick up her stuff, and make sure the movers have everything. She's picking up her dog, and heading back to dallas. (Oh and her friend flew in to ride back with her.)
I am in absolute shock. I know I'm filing, but I felt I had no choice. Her actions are not right. I'm not perfect, but damn, this is crazy.
Anyone have ANY advice???? New house, new city, new start up company, new divorce. My stress level has never even touched this level. I'm not sure how I'm handling it, not sure what to do next. Completely lost right now. Any advice would be most helpful. Even just to calm my nerves down.
With my career change, was the opportunity to move. She had stated a few times she wanted to move away from Dallas. She was wanting to get friends more our age, that we would both like. In discussing with my business partner, and me being COO, the decision was made that we would move to Indianapolis (where he and the business are located). This decision was made in mid-October. We were going to move in December, as it is dead time in the industry.
She wasn't extremely excited about the move, but it was on a day by day basis. She would be excited for the new location and new things.... then be scared of it. These are understandable. We visited Indy in late Oct and picked a house for us to rent. Much bigger than needed, but I wanted her to feel comfortable and happy.
Then ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. In the last two weeks before the move (around thanksgivig) she went out every night and didn't come home. She was staying with her friend, a female, and one I mention above as just bad news. One night she got in a bar "we'll say... disagreement" and fractured two of her ribs. I expressed my concern and tried to talk to her multiple times. I suggested counseling, and she refused. She was just extremely distant and didn't want to talk about anything. 2 nights after the ribs, I asked her about what her plans were (I had plans with friends). I directly said, please let me know if you aren't coming home. I get worried when I don't know where you are." She said she was going to a movie and back after that. Well 4AM came around and she finally got home completely smashed.
Next day (sat b4 thanksgiving), had lunch with friends at around 2. She woke up at 1, cracked a beer, and smoked a bowl. I have no issue with weed, but just couldn't believe it started that quickly after getting up. We met the friends, and although I wanted to go home about 10, we stayed out until about 1:00 AM (drinking the entire time). When we got home she said she needed a bath and drank a few glasses of wine. We got in a bit of an argument, and she was picked up by her friend she had been staying with. Last thing she said was that she would tell me after Thanksgiving if she was moving. Next day I talked to her sister that I'm close with. Explained what was going on, and how scared I was...for the marriage and for her well being. Her sister got ignored as my wife told her it "wasn't her problem" She went to her families for Thanksgiving.
When she got back it all started again. I kept thinking that if we could just get to Indy, we would have some sort of fresh start. On the road trip, it wasn't fun. About an hour outside of Indy, she told me she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. That was the last straw. I could take no more. I had handled everything (selling the house, getting new one, handling the move, and also on top of it starting a business). She did none of it. She was officially moving back to Dallas, and so I told her i would not have a 14 hour time difference marriage, and we should get divorced.
We arrived in Indy on 12/7. As planned before she went to Detroit for work for one week. The movers split our stuff up my pile vs her pile. I've contacted the lawyer, and through emails, we have everything legally basically taken care of. How everything is split, etc.
Today is going to be hard. She is coming to pick up her stuff, and make sure the movers have everything. She's picking up her dog, and heading back to dallas. (Oh and her friend flew in to ride back with her.)
I am in absolute shock. I know I'm filing, but I felt I had no choice. Her actions are not right. I'm not perfect, but damn, this is crazy.
Anyone have ANY advice???? New house, new city, new start up company, new divorce. My stress level has never even touched this level. I'm not sure how I'm handling it, not sure what to do next. Completely lost right now. Any advice would be most helpful. Even just to calm my nerves down.
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