Right now I have a thread going about my hurt in my marriage. According to some my wife had at a minimum 2 EAs and possibly more. I have major trust issues and am on the verge of leaving. At the same time I have contacted a counselor who basically said he would encourage her to share with me what she is hiding. They have a one-hour session coming up.
In a perfect world (ok, not a perfect world, if it were a perfect world I wouldn't be on this forum) she would come clean. As I mentioned, she had met with a former boyfriend out of town (without telling me about it) and shared with him that she "still had feelings for him). Fast forward to about a year ago and I found out she was trading texts with him.
As I said, in my mind, at a minimum, this is an EA. She has never agreed to that label. So back to the somewhat perfect world, suppose she meets with the councilor and learns for herself that the best thing she can do for our marriage is tell the truth. What happens then?
If it was a physical affair, how much detail should I know. At a minimum I really want to know how much I was put at risk (my wife has a latex allergy). Is it ok to ask the number of times, types of sex acts, that sort of thing? Is it normal for the guilty party to say something like, "I will share with you everything you want to know?"
If I stay and I am willing to stick it out, what is a proper boundary? We are already having issues of what is appropriate in a marriage and what is not. We are already having issues about social networking, etc. Prior to all of this, I was never jealous about past relationships. Now, it bothers me that she is FB friends with former lovers (she says she is, but won't say who). Should she remove contact? Is it within my right to ask her to stop contact?
I found out what I know from snooping at emails and discovering texts she did not delete. She says I was invading her privacy. I say privacy is what you do in the bathroom and this was secrecy? Is it too controlling to read her texts, emails, etc?
I guess part of my issue is all the lies. I know what I know from being sneaky - something that bothers me that I did that. At the same time, I regret telling her what I found out because I think it drove her into hiding stuff more/better.
So, should I stay, what actions did those of you that were the cheated on spouse do?
In a perfect world (ok, not a perfect world, if it were a perfect world I wouldn't be on this forum) she would come clean. As I mentioned, she had met with a former boyfriend out of town (without telling me about it) and shared with him that she "still had feelings for him). Fast forward to about a year ago and I found out she was trading texts with him.
As I said, in my mind, at a minimum, this is an EA. She has never agreed to that label. So back to the somewhat perfect world, suppose she meets with the councilor and learns for herself that the best thing she can do for our marriage is tell the truth. What happens then?
If it was a physical affair, how much detail should I know. At a minimum I really want to know how much I was put at risk (my wife has a latex allergy). Is it ok to ask the number of times, types of sex acts, that sort of thing? Is it normal for the guilty party to say something like, "I will share with you everything you want to know?"
If I stay and I am willing to stick it out, what is a proper boundary? We are already having issues of what is appropriate in a marriage and what is not. We are already having issues about social networking, etc. Prior to all of this, I was never jealous about past relationships. Now, it bothers me that she is FB friends with former lovers (she says she is, but won't say who). Should she remove contact? Is it within my right to ask her to stop contact?
I found out what I know from snooping at emails and discovering texts she did not delete. She says I was invading her privacy. I say privacy is what you do in the bathroom and this was secrecy? Is it too controlling to read her texts, emails, etc?
I guess part of my issue is all the lies. I know what I know from being sneaky - something that bothers me that I did that. At the same time, I regret telling her what I found out because I think it drove her into hiding stuff more/better.
So, should I stay, what actions did those of you that were the cheated on spouse do?
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