Hello Everyone:
I am brand new here.
I have been seeing a therapist after going through a severe a depressive episode a couple of months ago, mostly relating to my situation in life, to wit, my unhappy marriage.
I am on medication that makes me feel less of the symptoms, but they are starting to return nonetheless.
I have been married to my current wife, number three, for almost 15 years. She is not from Canada, but I met her a couple of times in person before we married. The problem is, I do not think I ever loved her or lusted after her and the main impetus for marrying her was simply because I couldn't bear to break her heart.
Now we have two children 12 and 8 more or less, I have not had sex in seven years, I have an insurmountable debt, for my wife refuses to work, we live in a craphole because my wife is a shopaholic and loves clutter and dislikes cleaning, I cannot communicate with her, mostly my problem, I know, but I just can't, and I just do not know what to do.
I feel completely trapped. I really thought that suicide was the only solution a few months ago and now those thoughts are starting to reappear.
My therapist is keen on getting me to try to heal the relationship, but I am not sure it is worth it. I toyed with the idea of an affair, but it is not my style. I want a new relationship with a woman more suitable to me.
There are so many things that have hurt me over the years. E.g, I love massage, especially foot massage, and my wife doesn't like to be touched and doesn't like to give massages; that hurts me. I like sexy clothing, but my wife thinks that is for prostitutes. My wife doesn't believe in financial planning or saving, I am constantly stressed by money woes. Then there is the language problem. We've been back in Canada for 8 years and she has done nothing to improve her language. I can only have erudite discussions with friends of work colleagues. My wife tends to have offensive opinions about my ethnic roots, Ukrainian/Polish and that really hurts me. We don't talk about anything serious because mostly I just cannot, and when we do -- like about money -- it explodes. I work full time, I come home after work, cook supper, do some household chores and she is home all day with use of the car for whatever she likes. She does take the children to school and such, but is that "too muc h"?
I could go on, but that is enough for now.
What to do and how to do it? I just feel paralyzed by fear of hurting her and guilt at being in this mess for 15 years before finally realizing how utterly unhappy I am.
Many thanks!
A
I am brand new here.
I have been seeing a therapist after going through a severe a depressive episode a couple of months ago, mostly relating to my situation in life, to wit, my unhappy marriage.
I am on medication that makes me feel less of the symptoms, but they are starting to return nonetheless.
I have been married to my current wife, number three, for almost 15 years. She is not from Canada, but I met her a couple of times in person before we married. The problem is, I do not think I ever loved her or lusted after her and the main impetus for marrying her was simply because I couldn't bear to break her heart.
Now we have two children 12 and 8 more or less, I have not had sex in seven years, I have an insurmountable debt, for my wife refuses to work, we live in a craphole because my wife is a shopaholic and loves clutter and dislikes cleaning, I cannot communicate with her, mostly my problem, I know, but I just can't, and I just do not know what to do.
I feel completely trapped. I really thought that suicide was the only solution a few months ago and now those thoughts are starting to reappear.
My therapist is keen on getting me to try to heal the relationship, but I am not sure it is worth it. I toyed with the idea of an affair, but it is not my style. I want a new relationship with a woman more suitable to me.
There are so many things that have hurt me over the years. E.g, I love massage, especially foot massage, and my wife doesn't like to be touched and doesn't like to give massages; that hurts me. I like sexy clothing, but my wife thinks that is for prostitutes. My wife doesn't believe in financial planning or saving, I am constantly stressed by money woes. Then there is the language problem. We've been back in Canada for 8 years and she has done nothing to improve her language. I can only have erudite discussions with friends of work colleagues. My wife tends to have offensive opinions about my ethnic roots, Ukrainian/Polish and that really hurts me. We don't talk about anything serious because mostly I just cannot, and when we do -- like about money -- it explodes. I work full time, I come home after work, cook supper, do some household chores and she is home all day with use of the car for whatever she likes. She does take the children to school and such, but is that "too muc h"?
I could go on, but that is enough for now.
What to do and how to do it? I just feel paralyzed by fear of hurting her and guilt at being in this mess for 15 years before finally realizing how utterly unhappy I am.
Many thanks!
A
Put the internet to work for you.
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