So, my highly emotional - but difficult to communicate BPDwife is getting more and more difficult to figure out . So the riddle gets harder to understand.
I have - through this board and much reading - gotten MUCH more able to finally unlock the riddle of a VERY difficult 3 years. Finding out about BPD has been like lightening hitting....all at once all the riddles I struggled with ...for so long...were unlocked.
But let me give you a recent example of what continues to risk my sanity - and leaves me SO fratught with confusion.
We had a really nice lunch the other day out. It was really great. She showed signs of her long ago self. I enjoyed myself - and was lulled into just a nice natural place...not worrying about eggshells.
On the ride home...I said...
"You know - we need to really do this more often. It was really nice."
"We should show each other and us being together more appreciation than we do"
( I was REALLY in a good spot when I said that and was SO appreciating her and us)
Her reaction?
She got upset. Angry.
I was TOTALLY confused.
I kept trying to understand (through the shock) and simply explain myself.
She then was furious that I was "criticising" her. Said that "nothing is ever enough"...
She would NOT stop seeing what I thought was a POSITIVE and caring statement coming from a great feeling for her and our marriage...and looking it as a "negative" (??) statement????
She then said "If I am not enough for you. IF they way I am is not good enough for you. Then you need to let me go"
Whaaaaatt????
So I have read on here often about triggers. Read about how BPD sufferers are HIGHLY attuned to criticism (even where there is none)...
BUT - I am REALLY still having trouble with reality being SO turned on its ear. STILL upset by being accused...as meaning or feeling things that are the OPPOSITE of what I feel or say.
In learning about BPD I realize that while the past 3 years (where she has exhibited in that time EXTREME BPD behavior - rages, irrational and unpredictable behavior, excess drinking, perimenapause, hormonal issues/imbalance, endocrine imbalance, etc.) I have SO OFTEN simply tried desperately to explain her misconceptions. Been floored by her fury at wildly distorted "explanations" for things. Been acceptant of SO MUCH blame that at times was not only not plausible - but incredibly far fetched.
I realized that I needed to stop trying so hard to "get her to see the truth and reality"...but the episodes were SO filled with emotion, anger, name calling, fury...that I felt if I could not get her to truly see and understand the TRUTH and reality ...we (us or marriage) was at risk.
But I STILL get so put upside down by incidents like this recent one at lunch.
Can someone PLEASE try and felp me dissect WHAT that incident might mean or what I take away from that? WHAT is a BPD thinking and or feeling when I said what I said?
WHY would something seemingly SO POSITIVE - wind up making her angry??
Thank you
I have - through this board and much reading - gotten MUCH more able to finally unlock the riddle of a VERY difficult 3 years. Finding out about BPD has been like lightening hitting....all at once all the riddles I struggled with ...for so long...were unlocked.
But let me give you a recent example of what continues to risk my sanity - and leaves me SO fratught with confusion.
We had a really nice lunch the other day out. It was really great. She showed signs of her long ago self. I enjoyed myself - and was lulled into just a nice natural place...not worrying about eggshells.
On the ride home...I said...
"You know - we need to really do this more often. It was really nice."
"We should show each other and us being together more appreciation than we do"
( I was REALLY in a good spot when I said that and was SO appreciating her and us)
Her reaction?
She got upset. Angry.
I was TOTALLY confused.
I kept trying to understand (through the shock) and simply explain myself.
She then was furious that I was "criticising" her. Said that "nothing is ever enough"...
She would NOT stop seeing what I thought was a POSITIVE and caring statement coming from a great feeling for her and our marriage...and looking it as a "negative" (??) statement????
She then said "If I am not enough for you. IF they way I am is not good enough for you. Then you need to let me go"
Whaaaaatt????
So I have read on here often about triggers. Read about how BPD sufferers are HIGHLY attuned to criticism (even where there is none)...
BUT - I am REALLY still having trouble with reality being SO turned on its ear. STILL upset by being accused...as meaning or feeling things that are the OPPOSITE of what I feel or say.
In learning about BPD I realize that while the past 3 years (where she has exhibited in that time EXTREME BPD behavior - rages, irrational and unpredictable behavior, excess drinking, perimenapause, hormonal issues/imbalance, endocrine imbalance, etc.) I have SO OFTEN simply tried desperately to explain her misconceptions. Been floored by her fury at wildly distorted "explanations" for things. Been acceptant of SO MUCH blame that at times was not only not plausible - but incredibly far fetched.
I realized that I needed to stop trying so hard to "get her to see the truth and reality"...but the episodes were SO filled with emotion, anger, name calling, fury...that I felt if I could not get her to truly see and understand the TRUTH and reality ...we (us or marriage) was at risk.
But I STILL get so put upside down by incidents like this recent one at lunch.
Can someone PLEASE try and felp me dissect WHAT that incident might mean or what I take away from that? WHAT is a BPD thinking and or feeling when I said what I said?
WHY would something seemingly SO POSITIVE - wind up making her angry??
Thank you
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