Hi there. New to the forum as a member but have been reading posts on here for quite some time just now getting the nerve to air out my own issues - and yes I have a few! :o
My very first relationship experience when I was a teen was quite traumatic for me. I was very naive and gave the man I was with my heart, soul, guts....all of it. In my eyes, even though I spent a lot of time crying, he loved me. Anyway, without getting into too many gory details, one day I found out he had been cheating on me and while that was traumatic enough for me it was when I discovered it that still lingers with me to this day, in my present relationship. While we had many ups and downs, it was when things were the most "perfect" (in my eyes) that I found out he had been cheating. He was more attentive to me, came to see me more, was more loving.....so the blow felt extra hard.
To this day this (about 20 years later) has stuck with me. In my relationships after, whenever the person I was with became to "attentive", instead of enjoying it, it made me feel suspicious. I feel like that with my husband now and I know it is something I need to work on because it is tiring and draining and I really want to be able to trust and enjoy the good times.
I am wondering if any of the men in this forum have experience with this and if not just some opinions on this. I guess I am just curious to know if the majority of men would pull away from their significant other, or actually move closer to her while cheating? I know this all must sound pretty immature but I realize issues not dealt with properly in the past have a way of rearing their ugly heads later in life. I know many would have just let that kind of experience go but I was always very sensitive and internalized hurtful events a bit too much. Life since then has given me more of a backbone but this still seems to be a thorn in my side.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
My very first relationship experience when I was a teen was quite traumatic for me. I was very naive and gave the man I was with my heart, soul, guts....all of it. In my eyes, even though I spent a lot of time crying, he loved me. Anyway, without getting into too many gory details, one day I found out he had been cheating on me and while that was traumatic enough for me it was when I discovered it that still lingers with me to this day, in my present relationship. While we had many ups and downs, it was when things were the most "perfect" (in my eyes) that I found out he had been cheating. He was more attentive to me, came to see me more, was more loving.....so the blow felt extra hard.
To this day this (about 20 years later) has stuck with me. In my relationships after, whenever the person I was with became to "attentive", instead of enjoying it, it made me feel suspicious. I feel like that with my husband now and I know it is something I need to work on because it is tiring and draining and I really want to be able to trust and enjoy the good times.
I am wondering if any of the men in this forum have experience with this and if not just some opinions on this. I guess I am just curious to know if the majority of men would pull away from their significant other, or actually move closer to her while cheating? I know this all must sound pretty immature but I realize issues not dealt with properly in the past have a way of rearing their ugly heads later in life. I know many would have just let that kind of experience go but I was always very sensitive and internalized hurtful events a bit too much. Life since then has given me more of a backbone but this still seems to be a thorn in my side.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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