Hello, my husband and I have been married for 8 years now. We have been together over 10 years. I have known my husband and his family since I was a young teenager. I've known him for a total of 16 years at least. In the last two years our marriage and our relationship has changed tremendously! We are both really private people when it comes to our sex life, but I have to share this with some one because I am just so frustrated!
At first about a year or so ago he mentioned to me that I had become distant sexually with him I apologized and tried to be a little more sensitive to his needs. Well needless to say the tables have now turned. He isn't interested in me at all anymore! I have talked to him on numerous occasions until I am blue in the face and nothing has changed. His excuse is that he doesn't feel attractive or want to be intimate because he's too big and has gained a lot of weight. He has fluctuated with his weight most of his life. He has been on the heavy side before and it never stopped him before.
Although, I do notice that he is also depressed a lot these days so I guess that plays a big role in it as well. I even flat out told him that i'm about ready to buy a toy due to the fact that he has lost all interest in sex doesn't mean that I have. It's one of the best stress relievers! Yes we have children and a busy life like everyone else in the world, but I feel it still shouldn't stop him. We have only probably been intimate a hand full of times in well over a year to two years! The crazy thing that I don't understand is that he is the only man I have ever been sexually satisfied with and the only man I have ever truly been completely comfortable with ever in my life! He always made me feel sexy and always use to compliment me on my body and how everything is just perfect for him! I haven't heard that in the longest time.
I use to joke on how what truly brought us together was our true passion and sexual desire for one another! We use to have a lot of sex even before and after our two children whom are only 18 months apart. I am old fashioned in my beliefs of marriage and I believe in marriage and what it means, and signifies. I do not believe in having affairs. No matter what the issue is in a relationship. I am just not sure what to do. My husband is not someone whom believes in counseling either. As I said I have talked about this to him on numerous occasions and still nothing. In the few times we have been intimate in the last year or two it's a quick thing and it's like he's not even attracted to me or has a true, real, desire for me.
He also doesn't seem to care about my needs and satisfying me sexually. The way I see it i'm not doing something if i'm not getting to enjoy it equally. I guess I will just go without instead. Don't get me wrong sometimes a quick one is okay every now & then but not when you've only had sex like 5 times in well over a year or more! He is objective when I mentioned getting a toy and i'm like damn I'm not cheating on you it's a damn toy for me to sexually satisfy myself if your not interested in doing it with me!
We aren't one of those couples whom has ever needed to spice up our sex life with the usage of any aids, toys, videos, etc. We use to have a tremendous amount of desire and attraction for one another an equal amount. That has now seemed to have completely diminished. I have also tried several times to initiate sex with him and I have been told not now, or I just don't feel like it, or just basically turned down and away. Like I told him I'm not going to throw myself at you anymore to be turned down; talk about a blow to my ego!
I don't know if age is another factor, or what because he will soon be 45 years old and I am 29. We went from having the best sex ever and very often to absolutely nothing! Which still confuses me! I'm at the point of trying to get everything in my life in order and contemplating separation. I hate to do that, but what is a relationship and marriage without any passion, love, intimacy, or sex? A friendship that ultimately leads to disliking and hating the sight of one another!
I am just so irritated and frustrated at the entire situation. It even makes me feel worse when I've seen his ex girlfriend and she at several points was a huge girl. I always thought he liked the "big & heavy set ladies," because he was with her for a number of years before we started dating. In my mind i'm like okay you use to always say how perfect my body is how much you love every inch of it, etc. but you had this enormous ex girlfriend and yet you use to have sex with her when y'all both were very large and heavy i'm sure so WTH is going on?
I've never let myself go and even after two children my body is in good shape. I take care of myself and i'm not over weight at all! Even five years after our last and youngest child I have no stretch marks, I lost all of my baby weight very rapidly with both of my children. I have always been a really small framed woman I can't help that I am. I do not diet and I've never had to.
I'm just wondering why he has such an issue with his weight!? Because I don't, i'm still attracted to him no matter what I have always been since the first time we started dating and still am over 10 years later! If it doesn't bother me why does it bother him so much? Or is the weight thing really just an excuse because it's something else going on? I know he also displays signs of depression and it seems more like clinically depressed as well. Maybe that has something to do with it. I'm almost so tired of even trying to figure it out! Really I am! Anyone have any thoughts or comments? I'm just curious on some other opinions. Thanks for reading!
At first about a year or so ago he mentioned to me that I had become distant sexually with him I apologized and tried to be a little more sensitive to his needs. Well needless to say the tables have now turned. He isn't interested in me at all anymore! I have talked to him on numerous occasions until I am blue in the face and nothing has changed. His excuse is that he doesn't feel attractive or want to be intimate because he's too big and has gained a lot of weight. He has fluctuated with his weight most of his life. He has been on the heavy side before and it never stopped him before.
Although, I do notice that he is also depressed a lot these days so I guess that plays a big role in it as well. I even flat out told him that i'm about ready to buy a toy due to the fact that he has lost all interest in sex doesn't mean that I have. It's one of the best stress relievers! Yes we have children and a busy life like everyone else in the world, but I feel it still shouldn't stop him. We have only probably been intimate a hand full of times in well over a year to two years! The crazy thing that I don't understand is that he is the only man I have ever been sexually satisfied with and the only man I have ever truly been completely comfortable with ever in my life! He always made me feel sexy and always use to compliment me on my body and how everything is just perfect for him! I haven't heard that in the longest time.
I use to joke on how what truly brought us together was our true passion and sexual desire for one another! We use to have a lot of sex even before and after our two children whom are only 18 months apart. I am old fashioned in my beliefs of marriage and I believe in marriage and what it means, and signifies. I do not believe in having affairs. No matter what the issue is in a relationship. I am just not sure what to do. My husband is not someone whom believes in counseling either. As I said I have talked about this to him on numerous occasions and still nothing. In the few times we have been intimate in the last year or two it's a quick thing and it's like he's not even attracted to me or has a true, real, desire for me.
He also doesn't seem to care about my needs and satisfying me sexually. The way I see it i'm not doing something if i'm not getting to enjoy it equally. I guess I will just go without instead. Don't get me wrong sometimes a quick one is okay every now & then but not when you've only had sex like 5 times in well over a year or more! He is objective when I mentioned getting a toy and i'm like damn I'm not cheating on you it's a damn toy for me to sexually satisfy myself if your not interested in doing it with me!
We aren't one of those couples whom has ever needed to spice up our sex life with the usage of any aids, toys, videos, etc. We use to have a tremendous amount of desire and attraction for one another an equal amount. That has now seemed to have completely diminished. I have also tried several times to initiate sex with him and I have been told not now, or I just don't feel like it, or just basically turned down and away. Like I told him I'm not going to throw myself at you anymore to be turned down; talk about a blow to my ego!
I don't know if age is another factor, or what because he will soon be 45 years old and I am 29. We went from having the best sex ever and very often to absolutely nothing! Which still confuses me! I'm at the point of trying to get everything in my life in order and contemplating separation. I hate to do that, but what is a relationship and marriage without any passion, love, intimacy, or sex? A friendship that ultimately leads to disliking and hating the sight of one another!
I am just so irritated and frustrated at the entire situation. It even makes me feel worse when I've seen his ex girlfriend and she at several points was a huge girl. I always thought he liked the "big & heavy set ladies," because he was with her for a number of years before we started dating. In my mind i'm like okay you use to always say how perfect my body is how much you love every inch of it, etc. but you had this enormous ex girlfriend and yet you use to have sex with her when y'all both were very large and heavy i'm sure so WTH is going on?
I've never let myself go and even after two children my body is in good shape. I take care of myself and i'm not over weight at all! Even five years after our last and youngest child I have no stretch marks, I lost all of my baby weight very rapidly with both of my children. I have always been a really small framed woman I can't help that I am. I do not diet and I've never had to.
I'm just wondering why he has such an issue with his weight!? Because I don't, i'm still attracted to him no matter what I have always been since the first time we started dating and still am over 10 years later! If it doesn't bother me why does it bother him so much? Or is the weight thing really just an excuse because it's something else going on? I know he also displays signs of depression and it seems more like clinically depressed as well. Maybe that has something to do with it. I'm almost so tired of even trying to figure it out! Really I am! Anyone have any thoughts or comments? I'm just curious on some other opinions. Thanks for reading!
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