Howdy, obviously new here.
Not quite sure where to start but here goes.
I am in my mid 40's, I am to the point I feel my marriage/life is a total lie.
I met my wife in High school. Dated for 8 years and got married. Married over 20 years. 2 kids age 18 and 13.
We had a normal "life", normal sex etc etc
I have always had some dark sexual desires, kinky rough sex. Stuff aside of the norm. Tried with my wife(tried to do stuff with my wife, didn't tell her my urges) to always be shunned. I get it, it is not for every one. People tick in different ways.
A few years after marriage I hooked up with a woman 17 years older than me. I was young thought I knew how to please a woman but didn't. She taught me, I learned and studied and absorbed it all in. Didn't last long and I called it off when her feelings got to strong.
My urges would always come back. I could subdue them for a while but they always returned. Each time stronger than before. I just needed some kinky rough sex.
13 years ago I met a young woman at work, we connected and yes we hooked up.
As I would began to try things with her, she would never stopped me. She was eager to learn and try new things. She would do whatever I wanted to try. I'll spare you the details.
So I'll add, there really wasn't feelings involved on my side (yes some, but not strong like hers). She quit and moved on. But her, like me now had the urges that would come on and need to be subdued. We began to hook up once or twice a year with just pure carnal animal sex. Urge would go away, then slowly return, so we would hook up again. the last time was September.
So now I feel so many things.
1) I'm just not happy. period. With life in General. Other areas outshine other areas, but just unhappy. These feelings have been with me for about a year now, but the worst has been the last 90 days.
2) GUILT and living with the lies. It is eating me up. In a big way.
3) incompatibility...We have nothing in common these days but the kids, last one leaves the coop in 5 years. total different interests. She Can't/Won't satisfy me sexually. We do V. little together except occasional date night.
4) I deserve to be happy now and later in life. My wife deserves better than this and deserves to be happy now and later in life too. I have stayed for the kids, and for the fact I don't want to hurt her. I am a lot of things, but I do have feelings, and I have not told her to spare her feelings but it just doesn't seem fair to her now or in the long run either........
5) I am so racked up in guilt and thoughts and unhappiness these days, it is reaching unhealthy limits. Last 8 days. 30 hrs of total sleep. Lost 15 lbs last 3 weeks. Drinking way to much, which I do anyways, but it is bad right now.
I KNOW I need to talk to her, but not sure to.
Lost lost lost.
Not quite sure where to start but here goes.
I am in my mid 40's, I am to the point I feel my marriage/life is a total lie.
I met my wife in High school. Dated for 8 years and got married. Married over 20 years. 2 kids age 18 and 13.
We had a normal "life", normal sex etc etc
I have always had some dark sexual desires, kinky rough sex. Stuff aside of the norm. Tried with my wife(tried to do stuff with my wife, didn't tell her my urges) to always be shunned. I get it, it is not for every one. People tick in different ways.
A few years after marriage I hooked up with a woman 17 years older than me. I was young thought I knew how to please a woman but didn't. She taught me, I learned and studied and absorbed it all in. Didn't last long and I called it off when her feelings got to strong.
My urges would always come back. I could subdue them for a while but they always returned. Each time stronger than before. I just needed some kinky rough sex.
13 years ago I met a young woman at work, we connected and yes we hooked up.
As I would began to try things with her, she would never stopped me. She was eager to learn and try new things. She would do whatever I wanted to try. I'll spare you the details.
So I'll add, there really wasn't feelings involved on my side (yes some, but not strong like hers). She quit and moved on. But her, like me now had the urges that would come on and need to be subdued. We began to hook up once or twice a year with just pure carnal animal sex. Urge would go away, then slowly return, so we would hook up again. the last time was September.
So now I feel so many things.
1) I'm just not happy. period. With life in General. Other areas outshine other areas, but just unhappy. These feelings have been with me for about a year now, but the worst has been the last 90 days.
2) GUILT and living with the lies. It is eating me up. In a big way.
3) incompatibility...We have nothing in common these days but the kids, last one leaves the coop in 5 years. total different interests. She Can't/Won't satisfy me sexually. We do V. little together except occasional date night.
4) I deserve to be happy now and later in life. My wife deserves better than this and deserves to be happy now and later in life too. I have stayed for the kids, and for the fact I don't want to hurt her. I am a lot of things, but I do have feelings, and I have not told her to spare her feelings but it just doesn't seem fair to her now or in the long run either........
5) I am so racked up in guilt and thoughts and unhappiness these days, it is reaching unhealthy limits. Last 8 days. 30 hrs of total sleep. Lost 15 lbs last 3 weeks. Drinking way to much, which I do anyways, but it is bad right now.
I KNOW I need to talk to her, but not sure to.
Lost lost lost.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment