Im 25 and split up with my 22 year old girlfriend of one year a month ago. It wasn't a normal relationship, we'd see each other once a week (her terms), she couldn't/wouldn't kiss due to a bad past experience, she was afraid of emotional closeness etc. I put in more effort than any other relationship into understanding her, never once argued, just tried to understand but still it ended after she decided after we didn't see each other for two weeks that she wasn't missing me anymore, so asked to just be friends. I felt that as soon as her infatuation of me initially ended, she started questioning everything regarding us, until it became too much for her to stay. Apparently she's done it with all of her ex boyfriends, spent the entire relationship questioning everything.
We also spent the entire year 'attempting' sex. She'd get too anxious and nervous, and it was very difficult. We only managed complete penetration once, as she found it painful before ( I think she was too tense ) and
People have suggested she has boderline personality disorder and is autistic (she also hates being touched and doesnt understand social cues etc).
Anyway, I have been trying my utmost to get over this the last month, and though it's got easier, I am heart broken and still trying to find myself again. I am getting councelling and each day is a struggle.
Today I found something out about her that has confused and upset me even more. She was always very hesitant in talking about her past to me, and I never pushed her to do anyhting she didn't want to, but today she told my friend (who then told me) that she lost her virginity at age 17 whilst drunk, with a 36 year old she doesn't know the name of. For the next two years she slept with four other men, all whilst drunk. For the next three years she slept with no one and then it was with me, the first person whilst sober.
I have no idea how to think of this and it has hurt and confused me and raised so many questions.
She was always hesitant to talk about such things to me in person as she thinks of herself as a 'slut' and didn't want me to think of her that way, although I am not surprised, hearing it has confused and hurt me. I feel I should be in competition with her somehow... when I was that age I was far too self concious and shy, and I never did anything like that at that age.
Thoughts are going around in my head like ''she is so much less socially awkward than me to have done that'' (even though that is untrue and she was drunk each time).
It feels like another factor I did not know about before, which I now have to take into account in order to piece together this mess in my mind. I never thought of her as someone like that before.... it's not a bad thing but I'm so confused.
In honesty, I'm more experienced than she is, but I compare myself and judge myself and argh... It shouldn't even matter how 'experienced' any of us are, I'm not even sure why it hurt me/upset me. I imagine her being completely different with the people in her past with me. She was so awkward, tense, and nervous, yes much like you'd imagine a virgin to be... Another thought I have... ''I couldn't get her to relax with me like she did in the past'' even though she was drunk in the past.
I just want to stop thinking and caring about it so much and get on with my life. She also told my friend that she wasn't planning on getting back together with me by suggesting we go to dance lessons, but was suggesting it as friends.. which once again upset me because it had raised my hopes a bit, but at the same time put me back in the place of a slight increase in 'closure'.
I posted about this before here: http://ift.tt/1h6n5Kr so if anyone wants a more detailed account of it and has the patience to read there it is.
I'll appreciate any help and understanding on this as it is so painful to me.
We also spent the entire year 'attempting' sex. She'd get too anxious and nervous, and it was very difficult. We only managed complete penetration once, as she found it painful before ( I think she was too tense ) and
People have suggested she has boderline personality disorder and is autistic (she also hates being touched and doesnt understand social cues etc).
Anyway, I have been trying my utmost to get over this the last month, and though it's got easier, I am heart broken and still trying to find myself again. I am getting councelling and each day is a struggle.
Today I found something out about her that has confused and upset me even more. She was always very hesitant in talking about her past to me, and I never pushed her to do anyhting she didn't want to, but today she told my friend (who then told me) that she lost her virginity at age 17 whilst drunk, with a 36 year old she doesn't know the name of. For the next two years she slept with four other men, all whilst drunk. For the next three years she slept with no one and then it was with me, the first person whilst sober.
I have no idea how to think of this and it has hurt and confused me and raised so many questions.
She was always hesitant to talk about such things to me in person as she thinks of herself as a 'slut' and didn't want me to think of her that way, although I am not surprised, hearing it has confused and hurt me. I feel I should be in competition with her somehow... when I was that age I was far too self concious and shy, and I never did anything like that at that age.
Thoughts are going around in my head like ''she is so much less socially awkward than me to have done that'' (even though that is untrue and she was drunk each time).
It feels like another factor I did not know about before, which I now have to take into account in order to piece together this mess in my mind. I never thought of her as someone like that before.... it's not a bad thing but I'm so confused.
In honesty, I'm more experienced than she is, but I compare myself and judge myself and argh... It shouldn't even matter how 'experienced' any of us are, I'm not even sure why it hurt me/upset me. I imagine her being completely different with the people in her past with me. She was so awkward, tense, and nervous, yes much like you'd imagine a virgin to be... Another thought I have... ''I couldn't get her to relax with me like she did in the past'' even though she was drunk in the past.
I just want to stop thinking and caring about it so much and get on with my life. She also told my friend that she wasn't planning on getting back together with me by suggesting we go to dance lessons, but was suggesting it as friends.. which once again upset me because it had raised my hopes a bit, but at the same time put me back in the place of a slight increase in 'closure'.
I posted about this before here: http://ift.tt/1h6n5Kr so if anyone wants a more detailed account of it and has the patience to read there it is.
I'll appreciate any help and understanding on this as it is so painful to me.
Put the internet to work for you.
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