It's been about 2 months since D-day. She's done just about everything required for a real reconciliation, immediate NC, brutal honesty, MC, submissive, supportive and affectionate. Through are own conversation and MC, I have a good understanding of what led up to the affair. There are a few events that are still unexplained but that is because she doesn't know the answer. She has already told me enough to make walking away very easy and painless.
I haven't done it yet and I am not sure why. I don't feel overly committed to making it work out. I've been spending a lot of my time on myself. I've read No More Mr. Nice Guy and it was like reading an autobiography. It also nailed her profile as the type of mate I would likely get involved with. I've been manning up and she has been reopening her old wounds from childhood that was swept under the carpet and never dealt with. We both are improving and growing.
She has put me through a lot and I don't think she realizes how bad the affair was. She revealed to me that she also committed "financial infidelity" which she thought was worse than the physical affair! I'm not sure how she can think that. I suppose that her priorities might be centered around money but I offered her a generous divorce settlement in the beginning, far better then what a contested divorce would have delivered but she refused. I didn't have the stones to just go and file at the time but it was my knee jerk reaction. I came up with some silly non-workable ideas all designed to shelter me from the reality of D. I now realize that there are only two paths, D or R.
Reading other peoples stories I know that some people would love to have a spouse that was really committed to R but I'm just not feeling much. My anger is either gone or in remission, I'm not sure. I should be angry over the events but just am not. I was curious on the why's and how's but I think I got all the answers available. We are having sex but it's not the same anymore, kind of feels like a series of one night stands. Everything feels kind of distant most of the time. I occasionally feel either mistrust over something she is doing or affection when she reaches out to me but it's fleeting.
I've been walking taller and feeling stronger/prouder due to my recent personal growth. My wife thinks that I will reach a point and divorce her and I'm not sure she is wrong. I don't know what I should be feeling, seem like it should be more. Any BS want to reveal what they felt early in R?
I haven't done it yet and I am not sure why. I don't feel overly committed to making it work out. I've been spending a lot of my time on myself. I've read No More Mr. Nice Guy and it was like reading an autobiography. It also nailed her profile as the type of mate I would likely get involved with. I've been manning up and she has been reopening her old wounds from childhood that was swept under the carpet and never dealt with. We both are improving and growing.
She has put me through a lot and I don't think she realizes how bad the affair was. She revealed to me that she also committed "financial infidelity" which she thought was worse than the physical affair! I'm not sure how she can think that. I suppose that her priorities might be centered around money but I offered her a generous divorce settlement in the beginning, far better then what a contested divorce would have delivered but she refused. I didn't have the stones to just go and file at the time but it was my knee jerk reaction. I came up with some silly non-workable ideas all designed to shelter me from the reality of D. I now realize that there are only two paths, D or R.
Reading other peoples stories I know that some people would love to have a spouse that was really committed to R but I'm just not feeling much. My anger is either gone or in remission, I'm not sure. I should be angry over the events but just am not. I was curious on the why's and how's but I think I got all the answers available. We are having sex but it's not the same anymore, kind of feels like a series of one night stands. Everything feels kind of distant most of the time. I occasionally feel either mistrust over something she is doing or affection when she reaches out to me but it's fleeting.
I've been walking taller and feeling stronger/prouder due to my recent personal growth. My wife thinks that I will reach a point and divorce her and I'm not sure she is wrong. I don't know what I should be feeling, seem like it should be more. Any BS want to reveal what they felt early in R?
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