Hey guys :]
Apologies for the long post.
Just wondering if I could get some advice cos I'm going crazy here. Bit of back story: an acquaintance and I had a casual relationship last summer before I went to uni. We liked each other so both began dating / becoming better friends in October, but he started showing signs of really falling for me and wanting to get serious and I didn't feel the same way so I called it off in November. We agreed to stay friends.
The problem is he has issues relating to depression and becomes incredibly dependent on people, and this was the case with me. In the month or so leading up to me calling things off, he was obsessing over talking to me every day and would call and text me if I didn't reply to his text within fifteen minutes. He'd want me to let him know when I might not reply to him and would constantly be pouring his issues onto me and this was having really bad effects of my well-being. At the time, I was having my own problems, having just started uni and finding things difficult among other issues, however, he didn't seem to be able to understand that I needed my own space and I couldn't deal with all of his problems too.
Five months down the line and things have got ridiculous. After telling him that I needed time away from him for a few weeks because of a busy term, he became more obsessive, calling several times a day, sending five or six huge messages in a row insulting me and screaming about how I was being so selfish and horrible, and just constantly harassing me.
He had also been talking to two of my friends who he met a few times when we hung out with them and seems to have been talking about everything to them and making out that he's the victim of me being cold and heartless. Anyway, I got a message from them tonight saying that they hope it's okay but they invited my ex to my birthday in three weeks but he promises not to try and have any 'conversations' with me about 'us'. With all of his overreactions, if anything happened such as a guy bought me a drink or something while we were out, it would kick off into a whole scene and it would just be a disaster.
What I find most infuriating is that he sent me a message the other day saying that he'd like to see me at some point to say Happy Birthday, but it's totally my choice and he'd completely understand if I don't want to meet up for a while, and yet he didn't have the decency to check with me before he took my friends up on their offer even though he knows it'll make me uncomfortable. Now, if I ask my mates to uninvite him, I'm the bitch. If I don't ask them, I'm gonna have a **** time on my birthday and be pissed off that he's there at all after all the grief he has caused (and will cause) me, and I honestly don't know what I would say since they'd just promise me it'll be fine. And finally (and this is normally my first thought), if I talk to him directly, I have no idea what to say so I can explain to him properly why I'm so angry and also not lose my temper with him or cause him to start yelling at me or make me feel guilty.
Basically, I'm completely at the end of my tether now and could really do with some advice. I'd really rather my birthday weren't a ****ty affair, but is there really much I can do about it? Thanks in advance :] xx
Apologies for the long post.
Just wondering if I could get some advice cos I'm going crazy here. Bit of back story: an acquaintance and I had a casual relationship last summer before I went to uni. We liked each other so both began dating / becoming better friends in October, but he started showing signs of really falling for me and wanting to get serious and I didn't feel the same way so I called it off in November. We agreed to stay friends.
The problem is he has issues relating to depression and becomes incredibly dependent on people, and this was the case with me. In the month or so leading up to me calling things off, he was obsessing over talking to me every day and would call and text me if I didn't reply to his text within fifteen minutes. He'd want me to let him know when I might not reply to him and would constantly be pouring his issues onto me and this was having really bad effects of my well-being. At the time, I was having my own problems, having just started uni and finding things difficult among other issues, however, he didn't seem to be able to understand that I needed my own space and I couldn't deal with all of his problems too.
Five months down the line and things have got ridiculous. After telling him that I needed time away from him for a few weeks because of a busy term, he became more obsessive, calling several times a day, sending five or six huge messages in a row insulting me and screaming about how I was being so selfish and horrible, and just constantly harassing me.
He had also been talking to two of my friends who he met a few times when we hung out with them and seems to have been talking about everything to them and making out that he's the victim of me being cold and heartless. Anyway, I got a message from them tonight saying that they hope it's okay but they invited my ex to my birthday in three weeks but he promises not to try and have any 'conversations' with me about 'us'. With all of his overreactions, if anything happened such as a guy bought me a drink or something while we were out, it would kick off into a whole scene and it would just be a disaster.
What I find most infuriating is that he sent me a message the other day saying that he'd like to see me at some point to say Happy Birthday, but it's totally my choice and he'd completely understand if I don't want to meet up for a while, and yet he didn't have the decency to check with me before he took my friends up on their offer even though he knows it'll make me uncomfortable. Now, if I ask my mates to uninvite him, I'm the bitch. If I don't ask them, I'm gonna have a **** time on my birthday and be pissed off that he's there at all after all the grief he has caused (and will cause) me, and I honestly don't know what I would say since they'd just promise me it'll be fine. And finally (and this is normally my first thought), if I talk to him directly, I have no idea what to say so I can explain to him properly why I'm so angry and also not lose my temper with him or cause him to start yelling at me or make me feel guilty.
Basically, I'm completely at the end of my tether now and could really do with some advice. I'd really rather my birthday weren't a ****ty affair, but is there really much I can do about it? Thanks in advance :] xx
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