Depression is overwheling but finger points to me

Now in my fall or winter years, I think I can say my happiest days were time before 10 years old, walking in sand barefooted, picking up stickers in my feet, skinning dipping in the pond, eating watermelon under the mulbery tree freshly picked. But now I am very depressed basically because I know I have failed my wife. She married me when I was a young man in the US Army and she had hopes of a long marriage of bliss and my taking care of her. Well, this year we will have been together in marriage 49 years but she has not had a happy marriage with me. The first 7 years were fairly ok but after that until this day our relationship has gone south and because of my lack of responsbility financially, lack of knowledge how to pay attention to a woman so she feels secure and wanted. I know she is not happy especially when I am around. When she is with other people and especially other men, she is a different person, smililng, laughing, kidding around. This is okay. She has been hurt in so many ways by me, not physically but emotionally. I have not and do not use drugs, not alcoholic but just ignornant and selfish. She is a beautiful woman even at her age and I hope has lots of years left if I wouild just get out of her lif e so she can enjoy them. Sorry for my going on and on. It just seems to help a little bit to write.

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