I feel nothing for him aside from pity

Apologies for the long post.. I am a 31 year old woman and I feel like I have lost the last ten years of my life. I met my husband when I was 23 and he was the first man I have ever been with with. Before him, aside from 2 or 3 guys I've kissed I was a very lonely girl. Then my husband came along and he liked me and something just made me want to be with him. It took him a while to make the first move – a year at least and by the time we first kissed, I guess that I ignored the fact that there was no chemistry and we started going out. Two years later we got married. I found out 2 months into my marriage that my husband was an addict and after several attempts at rehab we called it quits. I started seeing someone who literally took my breathe away and any time I had with him, I truly felt alive. Unfortunately, I wasn't what he wanted and he ended up marrying someone else. The minute I found out he was seeing someone else, I blocked him out of my life – but to this day, he is not out of my mind. For two years, my then ex-husband and I kept on talking since we were always the best of friends. He got clean, got a job and moved oversees. He then invited me to come visit him for me to see that he had changed. I did and we decided to make a go of it again. I gave up my job and moved oversees to be with him. Life was good for about 6 months. Even though my husband could never make me feel the same way the other man could, what we had was comfortable and he was always very kind and caring to me. Unfortunately, I got laid off from my job and since I was the primary breadwinner, we could not afford to stay on our own and moved in with his folks. I got depressed and started looking for work and finally got the job of a lifetime, it was in another country though. So we decided that I would go over for a short while since it was a freelance gig and come back in 3 months. During this time, my husband said he hated his job and would rather quit and try and find a job in the country I was working. Unfortunately, his visa got rejected and he is now staying by his folks, jobless. It been 8 months since I've seen him (my contract keeps getting renewed) and quite honestly, I feel like I am married to a man child. He keeps saying things will get better but I don't see it happening. I feel nothing for anymore but I still feel some obligation to make it work. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped in a marriage with a man I feel nothing but pity for. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy and the thought of failing for a second time at this marriage terrifies me. I really don't want to hurt my husband but what woman can feel anything for a man she has to mother?

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